A
female
age
41-50,
*eeD
writes:...Still close with my Ex, do everything together...but he didn't invite me to his Birthday Party...?My ex split up with me a year and a half ago, his mum died and he felt like he could not handle a relationship no more. I respected his wishes and moved out and got on with my life for around 5 months without contact, just few txt messages to see if he is ok and thinking of him. he contacts me....we starting meeting up regularly....dinner, movies...doing all the things we love......no sex involved at all, still calls me babie....holds me and treats me like we are together but not like he did when we where together. he says he still loves and cares about me, has no eye for anyone else.....its been over a year and he says he is done grieving and is feeling much more positive. im very very close to his family, cousins and friends, we are all comfortable together and is hardly any tension. i always give him space, i do my own thing too....i missed his birthday last year......and mentioned i would love to celebrate it with him this year.....its a week before....on sunday i mentioned if he had any plans....his response was no just work drinks after work really.....i thought cool let him socialise with work people and maybe we could do something the next day.....only to receive calls and txt messages from his brother and cousins saying '' see you friday!'' again to find out he had organised a big party invited over 100 people from close family, work colleagues, ex work colleagues, i do know most of the people......i asked him about it and he said it doesn't seem like a good idea that i should be there?.........and that he will feel like he will have to look after me all night?.....and that he invited a few people that he doesn't want me to be in the same room with?....but kept saying he will not go into any detail....?......i know he is not seeing anyone else.....i found out the guest list from his brother...and no one on there is a threat....he doesn't have to look after me because i will be socialising with his family.....Im just really baffled.....he use to love taking me out and meeting people.....we are so close.....i can see we might still have a future together if we keep this close friendship going....But why would he not want me there?......I know its his birthday and i should respect his wishes...give him space to party......but this is odd.....or am i just over reacting?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 I don't think it's so mysterious,- it's obvious that he wants to be seen and perceived as single and not give anybody the impression that there
is any special arrangement or agreement with you.
You say you saw the guest list, but, really, how do you know that he has not changed his mind or developed intentions toward some woman in the list ? And then again, it's not a guest list for an official banquet at Buckingham Palace, for all you know he has invited or is going to invite some other people who was not in the list you saw yet. Why not, it's his birthday anyway.
But even if he is not going to try his move on anybody at the party, the sense of your exclusion is clear to me, he is portraying himself to all his guests as " free as a bird ".
It's not surprising in your situation- you are EXES, still hanging out, still being friendly but not dating officially, not beeing exclusive, in fact not even having sex anymore. If he wants to start dating again, and meet new people etc.., the presence of a " close friend/ex " at his party would only confuse people and cramp his style.
A
male
reader, Mr. Y  +, writes (17 May 2012):
Hi,Some of the people whom he invited have been there since his past relationship.They are his friends and his ex-wife friends.He doesn't wants to break his friendship with them because friendship is one thing he never wants to loose with anyone.He didn't invited you because he is still not in a relationship with you. You two have to make this relationship pure and clear. May be slowly but yes you two have to .... and you should tell him this
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Hmmm it is odd...well kinda!!
I feel for you, it must have left you feeling terrible and there must be another reason why he doesn't want you to be there.
It could be he doesn't want to answer any questions, it could also be that someone he has intentions towards might be going.
I know you say he doesn't have any other person in his life but maybe he's ready to meet someone now and he doesn't want to do it in your gaze.
It's such a shame because you have stood by him through a hard time but you have been relegated to the friends zone and even though you think you can get back to 'relationship' staus, it seems he has other ideas.
It's shitty and unfair, there is no answer or words to make it better but I guess it's a lesson to us all that sometimes it's better to move yourself on (as you have been doing)and not be tempted to go back.
He has kind of decieved you into thinking you guys have a chance again but he isn't following through...
Something ain't right.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Hi there
Yes it is odd. You say he is not seeing anybody, woman-wise. Well, maybe he wants to, so he would rather be seen to be alone at his party and single.There could even be people you dont know about who will be there.That he has asked cos hes interested.
His family sound like they are matchmakers and probably assume you and he are either back together or almost so, on account of the friendship and time you have with him.He is sending a clear message to them also, that he is not.
Step back now, you have been a good friend when he needed you, now look after yourself. He has snubbed you by not inviting you and lying re his birthday plans. So leave him to his life now, and hard as it is, get on with yours.
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