A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel terrible for writing this, but feel I could benefit from some advice on how to approach this situation. I trust my boyfriend, but there is a money issue and I dont want to be taken for a ride.We just moved in together, and he was originally supposed to pay for half of everything. He has less money than me, I had a good paying job and lots of savings (quit my job to move closer to him so we could live together). He is in school and was going to get some money refunded to him from school, and this money he'd use to pay for half of everything with. He said the money would come in later than he thought and asked me if I could pay for the deposits and the first two months of rent. The landlord is the one who needed this much up front. I sent him the money and he promised I'd get it back as soon as he got his money. Long story short, he can't get his hands on this money. Apparently it was never going to be payed to him, but to his parents. And apparently his parents made a deal with the school to not get the money back now, but next semester?! I got very frustrated when I realized this, and felt that my boyfriend had not been honest with me, telling me he'd get the money soon when in fact there is no refunded money until next semester. He has to ask for this money from his parents now! And his parents can't give him enough money at a time to actually pay me back what he owes me. For the first 2 weeks I payed for everything, food, house equipment, our couch, everything. Then he got 1/4 of the money he needed from his parents, and he payed for groceries ONE time, and has not yet payed me back anything at all. We are now 6 weeks into living together and I am still the one who has to pay for our groceries (grocieries is mainly our only bills at the moment).I have asked him for my money back several times, and he says that yes he will pay it back soon, that I need to trust him, that I will get my money... But I don't see any of it. I do trust him, that he will pay me back eventually. But I feel that he is not taking this seriously. I am tired of him coming to me asking me for money. But how do I get him to pay me back without starting a fight? I dont want to wait until over summer with getting my money back, his debt to me is just building up more and more when it should be sinking. At least I feel he is the one who should be talking about payment plans with ME, not me having to chase him down and then feel bad for wanting my money back as promised?Just to add in I have been very generous with him, I am paying over 2/3 of the rent already, just so he will be able to make ends meet.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 A promise is a promise and if he cannot keep his promise, you do not have to keep the other end of your bargain.
He has failed you and either he has tricked you or he has used you .
This situation is untenable and you better put a stop or in the end you will be bled dry . What is even worse, you may even lose your money and your b/f if he were to turned against you .
Cut your losses and get out .
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (14 April 2010):
I disagree with marie. Even though you make more money living together even as she explained is a team effort. Therefore you must each do your part. You agreed to pay half each and he doesn't that therefore he is not doing his part. I would say as his girl friend you should forgive what he owes you right now but tell him that starting now he is to pay his half or you would rather live alone. You live together to be together but also so that you can both benefit finacially. Even if he pays half it is still less than he would pay living on his own. Since you make more I would say that let's say you wanted to go on a trip or vacation then for that maybe you should put a little more in but the basic bills should be split on equal parts.
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A
female
reader, sweetspicy +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Show him how serious you are! Threaten to break up with him, obviously you dont need him for money since you are already paying your way without him. I'm guessing your in love with him and thats why you put up with his crap. I bet your doing all the work too, dishes, cleaning out the bathroom scum, vacuming while he sits there and tags on to your electric bill. Seriously how long do you intend to put up with it? If you are looking for a long time commitment from him how will that work out. Say for instance one day you might want a family, now are you going to do it alone? and he will just provide you the sperm. Things like that cost money especially kids think big time because right now it's just the begining. Think about this if he were to become a father to your child in the situation that your in (future terms) who would pay the rent? you would need to stay home and nurse the baby. Daycare costs anywhere from $120-$200 a week, insurance bills, dental bills, clothes, food, rent, electric, cable, phone, all times 2. Are you ready for that?
You need to put your foot down and decide if he's really worth it.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (14 April 2010):
 You might not be able to get the money back without a fight.
you need to get a record of evrything he owes hopefully your rental agreement with him and any money you lent him you have a written statement form him, also i would suggest getting a lawyer.
you might have to go to court over this.
you where nuts to quit your job and move in with this guy.
if your having problems like this allready in the relationship thats Gods way of screaming at you hes not the one.
Yeah i get it you love him get over it get your money and get out.
This relationship will not work money is the main reasons for divorce and your not even married and its tearing you apart.
Wise up you do not need to be living with this guy.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 you are being taken for a ride, and now you need to decide how to deal with it.
money is often the main cause of marriage going sour, so I will assume its also a cause in living together arrangments as well.
You need to seek legal advise to see if there is any way you can get out of this mess, and yes, he should be talking payment plans with you, and not asking you for money. (stop giving it to him when he asks!)
Make an appointment with him to sit down and discuss options. He must pull his weight financially. If he refuses to do this YOU many have to cut your losses and run, before he completely depletes everything you have worked hard for
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