A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been sort of dating this guy for a bit over a month, I'm physically attracted to him but that's it. I've been away for Xmas break. He texts me every day. He seems to really like me but I don't feel the same way. Is there an easy way to let him know? He is nice so I don's wanna be an a**hole but I just don't connect with him on any level.
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (19 July 2011):
First, did you mean Xmas break? This is a new question and we're in July. Not exactly Christmas season. So I'm assuming you meant summer break???
I'll second the advice to be straightforward with him and do not offer friendship. I'm betting you can come up with a non-physical characteristic that you already know this guy is lacking and which you seek in a potential mate. Likely this is why you're only physically attracted to him... there's a component missing, something that prevents chemistry from developing. So you aren't attracted to his personality.
To give an example, one girl I was seeing told me at lunch that she needed someone who was more aggressive. She did it in a very tactful way, and while I'm not the most passive guy ever I got the point. I wasn't floating her boat. She said it almost hesitatingly, giving me the impression that she was perhaps a little uncomfortable ending it and maybe even a little sad that it didn't work out.
If you offer friendship and this guy is starting to or has already developed some feelings, he's going to see a glimmer of hope and continue to try impressing you. He'll be on the lookout for a second chance. I advise not going down that road since you only feel physical attraction to him... that doesn't make for good "friend" material. In fact if it were the other way around - you liked his personality but didn't find him physically attractive - that would be a good friend candidate and maybe even someone you'd grow feelings for over time. Given your situation, though, a clean break sounds best.
Best of luck!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 I like much of what the other two aunts posted. In particular, I like this:
Men like to hear the news in a upfront, honest way.
That is always the way to go. I also like this:
Just meet up with him for a drink and kindly tell him that you don't see your dates really getting anywhere serious and that that you would like to stop seeing him like that.
Now, I disagree with offering friendship. He will cling to hope if you offer friendship. And it will end very badly. This is it, and make clear it is it.
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A
female
reader, Irish49  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Dating is a selection process...a way of finding the one that suits 'you'. So you have to do what makes you happy. Ending a relationship is part of the dating game but it is never easy. Men like to hear the news in a upfront, honest way. My suggestion, tell him nicely, in person and be honest. Impress on him, that the sooner this happens the better it is for both of you. As Annalisa says, you don't want to string him along and he deserves to get out there and find someone else that suits him better. He may not want to be a friend, however. I suggest you not tell him that. Don't do that unless you and he discuss this and you both really, really want to be friends. Asking him to be friends, only offers a solution to your own guilt feelings for dumping him and he will know it. So take a chance, tell him outright (don't be cruel). Just say ..you're not interested...plain and simple. He may be a bit hurt, upset at first, as sometimes dumpees are, but he'll move on and find someone else. So the hurt wont last long..it never does.Good luck
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