A
female
age
36-40,
*shmull
writes:Should I leave my meth addict partner? I am 23 years old and I have been with my 27 year old boyfriend for six years now. We have had a very rocky relationship and have been through a lot together. He cheated on me a year into our relationship. I caught him in bed with my best friend. I forgave both of them (I dont know how I did it). 2006 was the worst year for us because 4 of our family members died within 6 months. One of these people was my partners dad who he was very close to. My partner was an alcoholic binge drinker for years but slowed down a lot in the last couple of years.We were having big problems in august 2010 and I was starting to resent him because he was treating me so horribly and being really suspicious and controlling. I moved out for a month and gave him back my engagement ring (we have been engaged for 4 years) but then he treated me like an angel and promised he would change so I moved back in. I found out at the end of november 2010 that he has been addicted to meth for 2 years after wondering where all our money was going, why he had been treating me so horribly for so long and why he had weird mood changes and strange behaviour. I added up all the atm transactions on his bank account and he had spent $13,000 in two years on meth! I confronted him about it and he promised he would stop. I felt so betrayed and depressed. I had been giving him all my wages and he had been spending my wages on meth and we were living off his wages. I felt so stupid that I hadnt thought of it sooner. Things did seem to get better and we were getting along betta for a month until the other day. I looked on his bank account and saw that he had started getting large amounts of cash out again and we were broke again. He had only stayed clean for a month and then went back on it. I confronted him about it last night and he lied and said he didnt, then I said I had proof and he admitted it to me but said he only did it twice. I told him I didnt believe that he had only done it twice. He promised again that he wouldnt do it again and he wants to have a good year this year. I dont trust him anymore after all the lies and deceit. I dont know what to do. Iv been drifting away from him for a long time romantically but he is my best friend and I love him to bits. I just dont know if im in love anymore. He said he cant quit without me in his life and I dont want to leave him but I think it might be for the best. I dont know if we have a future. I would love advice from anyone. I feel so alone and confused.
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alcoholic, best friend, cheated on me, depressed, engaged, money, moved out Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ashmull +, writes (20 January 2011):
ashmull is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your comments and advice everyone. I have decided that I am going to leave my partner. I feel that our relationship has been to damaged to fix and we have drifted apart to much. I have been with him for six years since I was 17 yrs old and I have been controlled and held back from experiencing life and growing up. I am going to be independant and start enjoying life. It will be extremely painful and hard but I know its what I have to do. I will still support him through his recovery if he will allow me to.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Wow. 13000 usd in two years is quite a lot of meth. He must have partied at least twice a week, or more. Either that , or he's buying then selling. There must be many things he's not telling you.
Whether you stay or leave has got nothing to do with him quitting or not. One never kicks an habit ,least of all a drug habit, to please somebody else. You only do it when YOU want to do it because you are really sick and tired and can't stand it anymore, and it does not sound like he is at this point yet. As for the emotional ,psychological support- he would need to get it from a specialized professional, not from you. Yours just won't cut it.
If you care even a bit about yourself, leave him, don't let him eat up your savings, and your life too.
Meth is a bad, quirky beast, people play with it because it gives a very low, nearly trascurable degree of PHYSICAL addiction- but the psychological addiction is monstrous.
I have seen it doing it bad stuff in a short time to intelligent, educated , "respectable " people - the kind of people you'd think they are too smart , and have too much to loose, for this kind of s..t.
Let him go, right now. Until he's on meth, it's totally pointless even thinking of a future together.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Future?? You mean a family?? With a man who spends $13,000 on meth?? With a man who has no morals and cheats with your best friend?? What are you thinking girl? He will not wake up one day and just be a different man. You might have seen it in Hollywood movies but that's not the case in real life. What kind of a relationship are you dreaming with a man who will not have money to buy your kids shoes because he spends it on drugs. What kind of morals will your kids be taught from him?? Wake up girl! Leave now that you are still young. Best wishes to do the right thing.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 If he is serious about quitting, he will get help. This is the patterns addicts have, they promise they will quite, they promise their loved ones, they promise themselves and they may try their hardest to keep that promise, it will take all their willpower to keep that promise but most of the time, they fail. They need help and if he really wants you in his life, he will seek help for his addiction.
I cannot say that there is a future with this man, he cheated on you and he lies to you and I am not so sure you can blame meth for those actions. You have to make it clear that you are quite disturbed by this and he needs to make it up to you, he needs to prove that he can be the man you love again.
I hope that helps.
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