A
female
age
36-40,
*ittykins
writes:Hi there:) I've been single for almost a year after coming out of a long relationship, so I thought I'd give online dating a try. I started talking to a nice guy for a few weeks,and we met up for the first time yesterday. I was extremely nervous and he was too. We had a good date, there were some awkward moments, as always, but I didn't feel the "spark", or the sexual attraction. He is a lovely guy, funny, and we have many similar interests, but he is so different to the type of guys I'm used to. My exes and guys I've had flings with have all been "bad boys" and I found them to be exciting, even though I wasn't treated that well a lot of the time. Whereas this guy seems quiet and shy. After the date I didn't feel compelled to kiss him, and I'm left completely confused... should I give him another chance so I can get to know him better?? He's already suggested another meet up and I know he wants to see me again. I've always known the guys I've dated beforehand, so getting to know someone on this level is completely new to me. I keep thinking he's too nice... Is the instant spark that important?? Please help!Thank you in advance:)
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female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 I used to think that spark you're talking about was necessary to date someone, and when I stopped feeling it with guys, I got concerned. I'd pass them over for other people, who in turn treated me like garbage, and almost sort of gave up on dating altogether.
The man I'm with now, I'd known him for a bit but I'd never really thought of him in that way, you know? We ended up kissing one night after a party, and I felt no spark, nothing. We made plans to go out the next night, and slowly feelings started to come to the surface. Like Alice, he's not the kind of guy I usually went for, either, but I find I enjoy my relationship with him more than my other relationships because we actually connect.
So basically, no the instant spark isn't that important. Nor is it an indicator that a great relationship will follow (as you have learned). It's important that you spend time getting to know a person before you decide, because while you may not feel completely taken with him now, sometimes it creeps up on you.
A
female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (12 April 2012):
 Did you know that guys decide whether they like a girl on the first meeting? However women take longer to decide.
I was the same with my now boyfriend. We were just casual friends, not really close. But the more time I spent getting to know him, the more I wanted to be with him. He told me he liked me since he saw me before I knew him and I only really decided that I liked him after we spent a few days out together. As for the type, he's not my type either, I wouldn't normally go for guys like my boyfriend, but you know, if you give the nice guys a chance, you see how much better it is to go out with them.
I think you should spend some more time with him and if you don't feel natural around him, if you don't feel that there are any feelings towards him, then let him know in a gentle way.
Good luck ,
Aliceinunderland
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