A
female
age
51-59,
*ifeisforliving
writes:I have had suspicions that my husband has been having a relationship with a woman he works with. They were texting each other frequently and she confided in him about her sex life and personal issues--he was happy to 'help' her with relationship advice. They met at certain places and she joined his sports team. For a bunch of reasons my gut told me something more was going on so I talked to him about it. He has since stopped contacting her BUT yesterday he left his email open and curiosity got the better of me and I found just one suspicious thing--an email to her with the subject line "I LOVE YOU" in caps and then work attached to it. As soon as the kids were in bed I asked him about it. He said it was a joke--he wanted her to open the email quickly. I feel like I am crazy and insecure, He is a great guy--a real family man--and he denies that he would ever do such a thing and that I need to trust him. I want to trust him. But I have been watching his call logs long before he knew I was so I know he was calling her on the drive home sometimes etc. and I also know that he has stopped this--the email I found was months old...Do I push this further or let it go? I feel sick thinking about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): Glad for the update. Also when you say you need to move on, what does it mean? Forget and pretend that your hb had a 'frienship' with a single woman. He says she hooked up with her other MM, so she had a thing for MM? Don't just accept your hb's words as the gospel, be a wise wife. Why is he upset that you read his emails. Bec you caught him out? There is still so much more than what he us letting on. You do not need to confront him but be aware and on your guard.
A
female
reader, Lifeisforliving +, writes (9 June 2010):
Lifeisforliving is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers. Feels good to have support. Something has shifted. She quit his sports team and he told me she's gone back to an old flame (who is also married!!!). He seems pissed off. He also invited her over for dinner with me and the kids--he says he wants to be her friend and he understands that it might be more comfortable for me if I knew her and was friends with her too. She turned him down. I guess I have to let go and move on--he'll be secretive for a while. He was upset that I checked his sent items (he had been deleting all of the incoming ones but forgot these). I'll never know what really happened between them (there are more details that lead me to believe something did) but I have to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): Ok so he has been flirting with this woman and then stopped because you spoke to him about it - quite rightly. Then... rather than maintain those boundaries he blatantly sends her an email with that as a title. What is he trying to do? To make her open it quickly!? Oh please... why would she open it so quickly with that as a title. BECAUSE THEY HAVE FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER. He did it to tease her - and then attached work related files / information to bring things in context of where they were - i.e. at work. Here is some advice - show absolutely no concern any more. If necessary tell him you fully trust him otherwise he will get more careful about covering his tracks. Then watch more closely than ever before. You will catch him out because absolutely his behaviour is suspiscious and wrong. There is something going on - its just a matter of time before the evidence is too strong to ignore.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 June 2010):
You've not got enough to confront him with. Keep a discreet eye on things and just watch him. There does seem to be something going on, but unless you have proof, you'll never get the answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): TRUST YOUR GUT.
and do not let up, keep watch and let him know you know. just becareful, he will be more secretive and will make certain he covers his track. do everything in your power to protect your home. do not take this lying down and make certain you are firm when you communicate with him. yes you are feeling insecure and feeling hurt and don't know what really is happening but better nip it in the bud and it means being the 7itch sometimes.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 You have already confronted him and got your answer. If you are not satisfied, you can hire a PI or a friend to check upon him to get the concrete proof.
Otherwise ,you will go insane or have many ailments due to this worry.
You need to let go until you have the full proof evidence that he is cheating.
Don't assume anything and everything because it is very dangerous.
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A
female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 No, there is something wrong here. I'm sorry but he's pushing the boundaries of marriage and professional behavior.Sounds like this might be an emotional affair. He's too friendly, too chatty with her, sending a suggestive title in an email is very inappropriate at the very least....You have to put your foot down that this 'friendship' (because you don't have proof of more) makes you uncomfortable and all outside of work ties must end, including taking lunches together.If he loves you and respects you he will...Good luck
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