A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Q: How much longer can the institution of marriage really last?People seem to forget that the institution of marriage is a relatively recent phenomenon in the history of human evolution. Humans lean toward semi-monogamy insofar as it helps in providing the child the resources up until the point where they could be cared for by the tribe or mother alone. This is about 4yrs. It's no wonder that there's a huge spike in break-ups, divorces, etc., right around 4yrs. Back 10,000yrs ago, when our expected lifespan was 25yrs or so, a 4yr relationship would essentially be an until-death-do-you-part-type relationship. But with expected lifespans increasing every year and now up into the late 70's and early 80's, that's obviously no longer the case. It's now wonder that we say increasing divorce rates. Also, with women no longer needing a "provider" and able to care for themselves we see huge increases in the rate at which single women are giving birth (that includes women in the higher classes). So, what will happen to the institution of marriage when women are firmly on equal ground with men and our expected lifespans are, say, 300yrs!?The reason I wrote all this is because I'm agonizing over when to get married, to whom I should get married, etc. etc. But all those questions presuppose that marriage is a foregone conclusion. Maybe it isn't!? Uughh. I'm struggling here.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): (I'm the original poster)
No, right now my expected lifespan is not 300yrs. You're right. That's an extreme situation. But my point in bringing up that extreme situation was to elicit people's deeper thoughts on marriage. I'm guessing that 90% of people out there would agree that traditional "marriage" (lifetime commitment) will no longer be the norm with expected lifespans of 300...but that's one extreme.
The other extreme was when our expected lifespans were 25yrs. Then, a 4yr pseudo-marriage really did look like a lifetime commitment.
So, my question is: where are we NOW? We're somewhere between these two extremes. Maybe we're still closer to the 25yr-lifespan extreme and people are fine to blithely sign up for lifetime commitment. But given dramatically increasing divorce rates and rates of children birthed by single mothers I'd argue that we're closer to the 300yr-lifespan extreme.
How does this matter on a personal level NOW? It matters in a HUGE way! It means that in signing up for a lifetime commitment marriage that our expectations may be WAY out of line with our reality (our hard-wired inclination for a 4yr pseudo-marriage). That means lots of pain and divorce down the road...as is being borne out in the data RIGHT NOW. I think I'd be a fool to just waltz into a marriage (even if I feel the woman and I are completely connected soul mates) and to ignore some of these macro trends and not reflect on the institution of marriage itself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): If you are pondering marriage it will do you no good to engage in this sort of mental masturbation....this is a fun topic for your Sociology class but doesn't pertain to YOU.
When to get married for most men has to do when they feel they are financially ready or know what their future goals are or when they are a fool in love...you decide, you only have one life to live and that's yours, not he institution of marriage....you aren't an institution and you live in the real world now as ask older sister says.
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