A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A THREE PART LOVE(?)STORY.I.I met her about four years ago, she was 19, I was 23. We began spending a lot of time together and within a few months we were living together happily. that lasted about 15 months. After about a year (give or take a month or so) she wrote me a letter and had me read it in her presence telling me that she wanted to move to another state and be on her own for a while, and she asked for my grace in the matter, and said that she wanted us to be together again in the future. I only wanted her to be happy, and even though it saddened me to see her go I told her of course I would grant it. A few months before she moved to the aforementioned other state, she moved out of my apartment and into her father's house. We continued to see each other but she became increasingly distant and by the time she left we were still on good terms but the romance was basically gone, which also saddened me.II.After a few months of her being gone and little to no communication, she began calling me on a regular basis. We became phone buddies but I hadn't imagined that we would get back together, even though I would jump at the chance. We remained friends and I even flew to visit her on a couple of occasions. Two winters ago she was visiting home on other matters and we got together and our romantic relationship was rekindled, to a degree. We spent two days together and it was great but after three weeks one night she called me and told me that she couldn't do it any longer, because she didn't know where her head was and she needed more time (this is very similar to what she told me when she left the first time). I accepted it and continued to be her friend through phone communications and such.III.recently she called and said "[my name], I'm coming to visit you...", basically to again be romantically involved. She did and I felt like we were more in love than ever. She went back to her place of living and I planned a trip to see her so that we wouldn't have to spend too much time apart, and we began loosely planning on moving somewhere together, as we both wanted to leave our respective places.That visit was very recent, but leading up to it, her voice started sounding distant on the phone. I mentioned it, and she told me it was nothing so I went through with the visit. It was fun, and as always we very much enjoyed each others' company but the day after returning home I had her on the phone and basically had to pry out of her that she was having doubts again, and that again she didn't know where her head was and needed to be, lots of things about being afraid to be happy. This was just days ago, and we have still been communicating, but less and under a great deal of stress.I don't understand it I suppose. I know that she went through a lot of hard times before she met me, but I want to make her happy, she just doesn't seem to want to let me. Some of my friends that are girls suggest that she has another man there, but I know for sure that that's not true. Others have told me to cut and run and be done with the roller-coaster, but she's very important to me and even if she doesn't want to continue romantically, I still want her as my friend, because she is one of my best and I am one of hers... Is she running from something? if so, is she running from something in herself to where she occasionally runs into me and is reminded that we are a rock together? Or is it me that she's running from? Is there an end in sight?Sorry that this was so long... it could have been longer but I left our some details...
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female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 she could be afraid of relationships as she may have had some bad experiences. talk to her and explain to her that you love her and only want to make her happy and would never hurt her. on the other hand she may have met someone else and could just be confused so you also need to ask her exactly wats going on in her head. its not fair that she's dragging you through this if there is no ligit reason. you need to find out wats going on so you can either be happy with her or move on. if nothing is going to happen between you two then maybe you should not contact her for a while until you get over her.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 I cannot say whether she's using you, she's fleeing from something, whatever; but whatever her reason, it's pretty obvious she doesn't want a real relationship with you, and, from what I see, she never will.
This might have one of three endings:
a) You're together
b) Finally, she never calls you back; she dumps you.
c) You dump her
The most unlikely one, from what I see, is a).
The end will come when you decide to end it. I say, you can't live like this. If I were you, I would put an end to any romantic involvement with her. I wouldn't contact her, either, for some time, because you need closure and I don't think you'll get it if she continues with this behavior.
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A
female
reader, jomana  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 maybe she freaks out from seriouse relationships ,you could ask her to her face why does she always does that but ofcourse in a nice tone if you feel that she wants to be with you and that she loves you but she couldn't come up with an excuse or what ever suggest a couple therpist that sometimes workson the other hand she maybe seeing anthor guy and she maybe just playing with you and freaks out when she feels your emotions for her so be carefull.i once kinda went through what you went through but with my bestfriend and i suddenly reached a point when i couldn't take it any more i stopped talking to him till this very day i'm angry but i regret my actions because i still have doughts weather he really had a reason or was he playing around so please son't do the same mistakegood luck
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