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male
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anonymous
writes: Sorry for writting maybe to much but i have a lot to say: MAIN QUESTION IS AT THE BOTTOMI met this girl when I was 13 yrs. old and she was 9. We met when our brothers were hospitalized and were having cancer treatment. We both were from the same town but we met 175 miles away. (Which I always thought it was destiny or some BS like that) any ways, after a long struggle with our brother’s cancer, both of our families decided to stay close to the hospital in San Diego, CA. We even became neighbors and our families became really good friends. We lived across from each others for years and than I graduated from high school and that is when everything started to change. The little annoying neighbor was not longer that, but my hot neighbor that one spring decided to risk it and ask her to be my girlfriend, which she accepted. At the beginning was a little weird getting both of our families conceived this, but after a while we all both got use to it. I must say that she was the only and first girlfriend that I ever took home. So fell in love, at least I would like to think so. During our relationship a lot of things happen, her brother died and I was there. Her mom had a new baby and I was there. Her family had personal problems and I was there. And after two years of learning a lot from each other and all life has to offer in a physical and emotional relationship she dumped me. At that time I remember seeing it coming, I did not care much to be honest, but one evening after two weeks later that we had just broken up, I was outside my house (she was still my neighbor) and I saw her coming with a guy, this drove me crazy and out of nowhere I started to cause the guy trouble and wanted to kick his butt, but she just stopped me and I had to leave for the night because if I had stood there I don’t know what I might have done. After that day everything became a mess, I started going out a lot, I could not stay in my home for even a second. I started having problems with my family for never being home and partying all night. I was furious for months until we moved. After we moved I remember missing her and loving her like I never felt before, but my life was in order, calmer and less anger and frustration. So two months passed by after I moved and one day she sent me an E-mail after having come back from Europe telling me that she bought me something and that she wanted me to get it. I went crazy again, but I did wanted her back, so I started looking for her, sending her e mails and poems and all the stuff. So I got her back and everything became great even more great than before. We learned a lot from each other and I actually felt like I was ready to marry this girl at times. Our relationship grew stronger and more serious. I met all of her family, which I still have contact with, and they love me. I spend a lot of nights at her house (different rooms of course) well to make the story short; we did everything any married couple would do. Her mom loves me; she is like my second mom. I mean there is a lot of history there. We started going to a local church where I became more spiritual aware and she did too. We loved helping the pastor and his wife; she even got a job as a secretary. Than we began a youth group, high school group, in which we did a lot of work, I got a little burned out and tired and after a while our relationship was based only in sex and spending nights together and fighting to make time for us. In a year our relationship became a routine, and the only thing keeping us together was responsibilities and fear to fail again. But somehow four moths ago she build up strength I guess and dumped me again, I went insane, and really low. After a month I found out that she had a new bf that she met while still with me. A musician with a great personality. I felt like crape. My life went upside down, but some how I manage to still help the pastor with the youth group and see her every week. This drove me nuts for weeks because I saw her happier than ever. She even put pictures of the guy in her car, which I accidentally saw. This drove me even crazier and started to beg her even more and go even lower until one Sunday after church I gave her some CDs that I burned for her with some songs I knew she liked and started to talk and playfully touch her, until I tried to kiss her. At the beginning she did refused but after laughing some more she seem more and more accessible until she finally gave me a kiss on the lips. Than she left to see her bf. This was the end of my sanity. The next day I crashed my car on purpose on the freeway, and from than on everything went downhill. Two months have passed until that kiss and I am just insane, depressed and lost 20 lbs. I been getting drunk and leaving her voice messages at 2 and 3 in the morning, and she keeps ignoring me. I have not talk to her in more than a month even though we work together with the youth group. Her mom got mad at me once because of me bugging her daughter, and I have not talk to her since coz I am hurt and furious. I hate the guy because he is all she ever wanted from me, and I am mad at her for never accepted that I was not willing to change. I just want to know if she dating the gay as a rebound? Does she miss me? Does she care at all? She sure does not show it. And I am so much of a mess that I have left the youth group and church because I can stand to see her anymore. I don’t know what to do please HELP I just want to know if I can ever get her back which I dunno know if I want to ever get her back because I am afraid she might do it again. IS THIS GUY A REBOUND? Everybody tells me that she is amazingly happy with this guy, what the hell is going on, if we were once happy and I gave her my whole life. PLEASE I JUST WANT A LADY TO TELL ME IF WOMEN ARE HIDE THEIR FEELINGS BETTER THAN MEN????
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female
reader, lostgirl04  +, writes (11 January 2006):
 All girls are different. But what I can tell you is that if she got with that guy while she was with you there was obviously a problem. She seems to move on from her relationships fairly quickly. This guy doesn't seem like a rebound guy, even though you might want to think that. But we girls usually have rebound guys after we've ended a relationship where we've been hurt or dumped. But I do think that you should give yourself more credit. Stop lowering yourself for this girl. I know she might seem like the love of your life, but at the moment she doesn't seem to be feeling that for you. Don't be angry with her, or with yourself, just accept it as a trial in life and try to move on by yourself. Rebuild your life, don't let it revolve around her or thinking about her. She has obviously moved on from you. She probably does care about you, but she maybe sees you as more of a friend than a bf. Give her time to date other guys. Give yourself a chance to meet other girls. Maybe you'll find a girl that will make you feel even greater than what she did. You are too young to be hung up over someone. Live and have fun, but responsibly. So stop drinking yourself to death and get your life back together. And by the way alcohol is a depressant so it'll make you feel good for a little while but then you go down hill and get depressed, so it's not helping you at all. Realize that you have a lot to offer a girl and if she doesn't realize that it's her loss not yours.
Either way, if you want her back give her time. The more you push some1 the farther away they will move from you. Give her time to miss you. Give yourself time to heal. Once you are satisfied with your life once again you can be a better person to your friends and family. It's not their fault that you are down in the dumps. Don't take it out on them, because they will always be around for you, they won't leave you one day and take you back the next like girls do. Good Luck! ;-)
A
male
reader, Zabadack +, writes (7 January 2006):
Dude she doesn't love you. women can be cruel it's happened to us all.
She can't be trusted either even if you did get back with her... how long till she looks somewhere else?
maybe you just seem to clingy and desperate mate... try going out with more than one girl before you decide what love is ok.
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (6 January 2006):
 Depends on the woman as to whether she can hide her feelings better than her male counterpart; some can, some can't. We are all unique and I don't think that women can necessarily hide their feelings better than men or vice versa.
The guy she is seeing could be a rebound case but it is hard to say really. She made the decision for you both to separate so in some ways, it seems unlikely. However, it wasn't long after you both split that she got with him which is never normally a good thing as time needs to pass for mistakes to be looked at (and not repeated again hopefully) and emotional baggage to be put down.
I'm sure she does care but most importantly, you need to start caring more for yourself and finding the strength to move on.
Not seeing her right now is a good thing for you because you do need to try to get over her. Don't try to see her and don't leave her any more messages. Now is the time for you to endeavour to get over this heartache. Whatever she does or doesn't feel, you seriously need to turn your life around.
Grab some support from your friends and family if you have them nearby. Be firm with yourself and start to take better care of yourself. Think of goals you would like to accomplish and set about achieving them.
I know you will be thinking about your ex for a long time but you need to trigger the healing process for yourself now. The fact that she kissed you is indicative that she still cares and enjoys being with you. I don't know if you would go back with her if things ended with her musician friend but that isn't as important as you sorting yourself out and looking towards other roads to walk along that don't involve her.
My thoughts are with you.
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