A
male
age
41-50,
*avaHorizon
writes:My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago but decided to stay friends. The first big torpedo for us was me catching her sexting her ex- from long ago and hurting my trust. She begged for forgiveness and for us to stay friends; I caved because I still loved her so much. A month later we started talking less and less, and so I started asking her to see me and texting a lot. I proposed we be friends with benefits and she refused. She then let me know that one of the reasons she lost attraction for me was because I was too clingy. She became very turned off and started saying no to even speaking to me.I was hurt but I took it without showing any pain. I started a group for newly single people and started making lots of new friends. I met a few girls and started finally getting over her. But then she started calling me again and texting me. At first I was distant but then she accused me of acting like a baby. I realized maybe I was and started talking to her some more and more. Then one night we went out to a movie together and she wouldn't stop flirting with me. She pulled out everything I missed about her and we ended up having sex. All my feelings I buried came back the next day and I was horified. She began texting me and calling me, even when I ignored her she just kept coming. After a few weeks went by, she gives me a call sounding urgent telling me there is a huge problem she's having and she really needs my friendship. So I say ok and come over. She then talks my ear off for an hour about random things and then just starts kissing me. She's becomes very aggressive and of course, we had sex again. Afterwards, she asks," Nothing has changed right? We are still just friends? I replied," Yeah don't worry about it. She then says she feels terrible and she's sorry if she's leading me on. I tell her I'm fine and she's good, but I'm not. I don't know what she's getting out of this but I feel screwed with mentally. I love her but hate her, I want to move on but I can't help how my body reacts to her and she knows it! Is she torturing me out of some sick entertaining fetish? Does she want me back or just want keep me from moving on? Part of me wants revenge by hurting her trust the way she has hurt mine but the other part of me wants her back yet, my heart inside has been beaten to a pulp, so Im afraid of looking weak in any way to her. I'm not a mind ninja like many women are today. I don't know what to do or how to handle her manipulating me is this way. Please help?
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broke up, flirt, friend with benefits, her ex, kissing, move on, revenge, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): As I was reading your post, I couldn't help but question if the woman you're referencing is my gf's ex. For your sake, I hope not but either way get the hell away from her immediately. Sever all contact with her with the permanent adios. You're dealing with a severely mentally unstable woman who's lacks the capacity to recognize, process and feel humane emotions. In other words, you're dealing an impaired narcassistic manulative monster who doesn't know how to give or receive love. She's no good for herself so she's damn well no good for you. The only thing she can give ypu is grief. Please sever all ties with her immediately while you're ahead. She's bad bad news. No way for her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): Thanks for your responses everyone. She's constantly testing me and acting inconsistent. Your advice helped a lot and I know now what I need to do. She's been burning me for awhile and I assumed she would stop it on her own. She doesn't care and that's what I didn't want to see.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 HI
She is totally taking advantage of you, and you know it! I wouldn't even bother saying to her about being friends with benifits, even just to see how she reacts, because you will just stoop to her level. Tell her to move on because you are, and that if you wanted to play mind games, you would play scrabble!!! not with someones emotions. It's not ok when a man treats a women this way, so why should it be ok for a women to get away with being a jerk??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): *Warning some may find the following post offensive, including you OP, but you need a slap in the face not a shoulder to cry on, so here goes*
She's not manipulating or using you man, you're just her bitch. She says jump, you say how high. When you try she walks away, when you back off she's all over you.
Do I mean to sound harsh? yeah I do. You know what she's doing, you know why she's doing it, yet you piss and moan like it's somehow her fault and now you're becoming bitter about the whole thing too.
She's your ex, move on. Take this as a lesson learned, she's not a nice person and you're better off without her in your life. Stop being a baby, saying you're too weak to resist and talking about revenge. Man up.
Why am I posting in this way? Because you're man, not a child. You're not weak, you can resist her, you can move on permanently from her and not let her treat you this way but you can't do that by wilting like a little flower and say you can't help yourself, you can't do that by desiring revenge. I'm not going to post here and help you feel sorry for yourself. Like she's some kind of evil demon with total control over you, she's not, you're just letting her make you her bitch. It's that simple. You want her back, you know she doesn't want you back but you still went ahead and let her worm her way back into your heart when you had already made great progress moving on.
There's two things you can do here, you can either keep playing these games with her, let her crush you time and again while she gets hers. Or you can cut her out of your life for good. Block her in everything because seriously dude, she's not even a very good friend is she if she's willing to do this crap.
Now you can let this ruin you, you can become bitter and resentful and keep feeling weak and sorry for yourself or you can man up and take back control of your life. You can rid of yourself of her poisonous influence, regain your confidence and dignity, take the lessons learned from this to enhance your life and not make the same mistakes.
Your choice man, make it now. Don't sit around moping blaming her for anything because it solves nothing. If you go and intentionally hurt her or any other woman as an act of revenge that would just make you a coward. So just get your shit together kick her out of your life and go live free and happy.
Why did she do this? Because you let her, that's all. She treats you like crap once, that's her fault, but every other time after that it was your fault because you knew what she was capable of and you knew how she'd respond, you just hoped you were wrong. Well next time trust your instincts and don't let shit like this happen again.
For the future man, never get back with an ex. Those never work. She's your ex for a reason and if there's even the slightest of residual feelings then being friends doesn't work either. Time to have some pride, dignity and self respect and get rid of her. Easy as that.
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A
female
reader, Lizzy111 +, writes (26 May 2011):
You are getting played like a little puppet - stop it and move on, Best wishes
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 Let's get this out of the way first, :
of course your body reacts to your "aggressive " ex , but, I suppose, you have a brain too to control your inappropriate impulses.
Do you know that you have just used the typical rapist's excuse ?:) " Hey, she was just there sitting by me, flaunting her tits just under my nose,...what was I supposed to do ?"
Do you always relinquish any control over your impulses ?
Like, your 10 years old little sister really annoys you and makes you mad- do you the punch the lights out of her ? Or, you see a fantastic car that you'll never be able to buy- you just up and steal it ?
No right ? Saying no to sexual advances is not different.
Of course, she is sort of playing with you- and you allow her to play.
No, she is not happy about you moving on, that's a very common ego trip, a dog-in-the-manger syndrome. She does not want to be your gf and she made that very clear, but she does not want you to be totally impervious to her charm and available to other girls.
The simplest and smartest thing to do would be to cut any contacts and forget this " friendship " idea until quite some time has passed and you've lost your romantic feelings for her. Otherwise you are just giving yourself excuses to ... yield to violence :)
You don't need to just suddenly disappear, you can tell her honestly : I am moving on and this kind of friendship confuses me ,troubles me and keeps me stuck. Let's go our separate ways for a while.
If she cares about you as a person, she will understand, if she does not understand,.. you don't need to be her friend to begin with.
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A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (26 May 2011):
 She is acting this way because she has sensed you have moved on. she is a control freak and loves playing with you and she knows what she is doing.1. At the moment she says "this doesnt change anything were still friends right?"You need to say it before she does, and get up and leave. 2. have other girls text you and call you when your with her and you must go to hers and leave half way through to see another girl your claiming to start to really like...3. now she should be starting to think about upping her game and start claiming she is starting to love you again.4. offer to be friends with benifits.. she will hate that. she really wants you to cave in5. your waiting until she provides you with proof that she really does like you... a gesture of somekind.. then you accept and you got her back... but you must continue this act and start treating her this way going forward. when your clingy you loose control of your feelings, act like you dont care if she goes out. let her text other people. act not bothered. 6. ive never been cheated on because my gfs always feel scared tht i wont be bothered and there is nothing worse than that. that alone stops girls from cheating because if they really love you then they will avoid situations that might prrompt you to show how you dont care.thats how to take back control in a nutshell.
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