A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK, I'm having a major issue with something that I know is terribly immature, but I can't help it. I am dealing with the "her ex is bigger" syndrome (his 9 to my 6), and I am OK with myself and my abilities, but I can't understand the mixed signals and here's the deal: She says I'm "perfect", that I'm the only guy to get her to orgasm, that she loves how I fill her up, that I am her soul mate and the man of her dreams, and the sex is the best. But, I found a message on her Myspace to her female friend where they were bragging about their well-endowed BF's. She said stuff like "I couldn't get enough of him", "I love when he pulls me down onto it and it fills me completely" and "he's spoiled me for all other guys". She also told me all the negatives about him, but said that his size was all he had going for him. She'll say one time that he was inattentive to her needs and sex with him was routine and not at all satisfying, but later tell me she enjoyed sex with him.So is she lying to protect me somehow? Why do women lie to guys with a smaller dick when they admittedly like bigger? It makes me a bit worried, because she is insatiable when it comes to sex, and she gets off more from getting fucked than having orgasms. I'd offer to get bigger dildos or something to help, but am not sure how to bring it up. She has very small "toys" and is repulsed by seeing large cocks in porn, so maybe she's telling the truth when she says "he was too big for me"...hard to tell tho with that E-mail I read. Maybe it was just playful banter among friends and one-upsmanship (her not wanting to be outdone by her friends' hung BF?)
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (17 June 2010):
 I totaling agree with Mal......
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Tell it like it is, Mal!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): It matters to a point. if you had a 3" pinner then yea but you say you're 6" which is average and I thibk 9" is a bit too much personally.. But what matters is that you act confident. Try not to think about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): tisha is right on the money. WE DONT CARE. we want sex. we want love. we want orgasms...we dont care what size you are. mal
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): No woman or man is going to be a perfect fit in the department of size. No women is going to be just the perfect tightness and no man is going to be just the perfect length and girth. And what is perfect for one thing will not be for another. For instance, what if a woman likes 7 x 6 for intercourse, but just gets a sore jaw from giving oral to that thing. Perhaps she likes 5 x 4 for giving oral to. Not to mention that she is just going to scratch the big one with her teeth.
Your penis is just like a woman's breasts. You might like small ones with perky nipples at times and like big ones that swing around when in the doggy position. Or maybe you like to fondle Bs but like to look at DDs.
My wife would like a penis the same length as mine, but about 0.5 inch bigger in girth. However, she sometimes finds mine a little too big for comfortable oral. The result is that I am just about perfect for her for all around sex. She's had a lot bigger than me and a lot smaller than me in the past. She's had some good lovers and some lousy lovers. She's had guys who were affectionate, gave good oral or were great at intercourse. She told me that I was not the best at all of those, but that I was the only guy who put all of those things together and it made sex with me the best overall. Is she telling me the truth? I think so and that is all that matters. Sounds like your girlfriend is saying much the same.
Have I ever wished that I was bigger? Yes, but I know that it would cause some problem at times if I were. My wife's first boyfriend after her divorce from her first husband was about 8 inches long and fairly thick. He was affectionate, but never did oral and only did missionary. He wouldn't even allow her to give him oral, so she doesn't know if it would have been a problem and she loves to give oral. She could have been satisfied with that if it were not for other problems. If a guy is caring, affectionate and loving then most women will accept sex with him even if it isn't perfect. She liked the way he felt in her most times, but sometimes it would hurt or make her sore. When we used to have sex 3 times in a day, I would also make her sore and I'm about the size that you are.
There are some penis sleeves that will make you bigger. We have tried a few, but there is only one that she likes to use sometimes. One added 1 inch to my girth and 2 inches to the length and it would start to hurt after a couple of minutes. It was too big. We just got one that adds 0.5 inch to my girth and we have used it a few times. She likes it, but doesn't want me to use it all of the time. If I use it too often then the extra girth makes her sore. Here is the link to where we got it.
http://www.cduniverse.com/productinfo.asp?pid=6671205&style=atoy
I had one girlfriend after my divorce who was better in bed than my wife was back then when we first started to date. However, she was not as affectionate or loving and that was more important to me than how great she was at sex. It still is and I wouldn't trade, so don't think that your girlfriend would rather be with that 9 inch guy. My wife felt the same about me compared to the 8 inch guy. She could have had him if she had wanted and I could have had that other women too. They both wanted to be with her/me.
As far as watching porn where the guy has a really big penis. My wife doesn't like to watch that either. When she watches porn, she thinks about being screwed by that person and the thought of that big thing makes her cringe.
My wife can only have orgasms easily with oral, but also prefers intercourse to oral if she had to choose between the two. Of course, she prefers to have both, an orgasm or 2 or 3 with oral and then intercourse.
We all have to live with imperfection. Most people can easily accept that, as it is very unlikely that we will be perfect for another in every way, perhaps impossible.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (16 June 2010):
Amen to that sistah!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 June 2010):
 I'll tell you what. There is NOTHING sexy about a man with a 6" penis who is feeling inadequate and needs reassurance that he's a good lover.
There is EVERYTHING sexy about a man with a 6" penis who feels hot and loves making love and who gives and takes pleasure with equal joy and abandon and who thinks he's with a sexy woman and lets her know he desires her above all others.
9" penises are really no fun to perform oral sex on, they are too long to fit into the vagina all the way anyway, and anal sex? Um, OUCH.
This is all in your head, I can virtually guarantee you that she's not focused on your penis size. This is such a guy-issue. I know the penis is the exterior manifestation of your sexuality and all that, but honestly, for most women, it's just another piece of the man we love. If he has a 6" penis, we love that 6" penis. We do not sit around moping, wishing he'd just have been given that 1" more. No, we seriously do not.
I'm going to say this fairly plainly. As long as he's within the normal range, we don't care about the size of the penis. Seriously. We DON'T CARE.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Just playful banter and oneupmanship.
Bigger is not necessarily better, and there actually can be something like "too much of a good thing ".
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 There are white lies that we tell each other and that should not be examined to closely.
Is size an issue? Yes, it is. Is it a big issue in your case? I don't know and perhaps it is best if you don't know either.
A man is more then just his cock size. She is dating the whole package and might decide that on the whole you are better or at least good enough then the other guy but in private this might not be always what she says.
Be honest how do you talk to your mates about breast size? Melon's preffered? And her pants, do they really not make her look fat?
You can make yourself all twisted inside by worrying to much what someone else truly thinks. Only she knows what she truly feels about this and if you don't trust what she says to you, then how can she say anything to make you trust what she says?
She is with you, not with her ex. There must be a reason for that. If she enjoyed 9inches more then clearly not enough to stay with that guy or find another guy with the same size. Shouldn't that tell you enough?
Don't try to find a hidden truth behind everything or you end up as one of those insecure people who can never takes someone word for anything. And that can get very tiring indeed. She might then go back to 9, not because he is better, but because he doesn't constantly seek re-assurance.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (16 June 2010):
I believe that this seems to be implausible yea, impossible for men to comprehend as truth simply because the appendage means so much to men! Therefore, it must be that it's the same among women. Right? Wrong.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (16 June 2010):
 q - And 73% of statistics are made up on the spot.
Of all my friends the general consensus is that around 6-7 inches is the perfect size. Yes, we've talked about it. You should believe her when she says he was too big. I've gone out with guys who were way too big. Sex was an ordeal and required a LOT more warmup, usually hurt, and have you heard of the term cervix boxing? So yeah, bigger is not better. Not to mention the most enjoyable past of sex happens with friction on the outside.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (16 June 2010):
Perhaps, but on THIS issue, I ain't buying that line. I've known ONLY ONE woman who actually made a big deal (no pun) over this. If it works, gets the job done, and isn't ludicrously tiny, we don't have a genuine issue with it.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (16 June 2010):
 if u dont stop being insecure about it,she will soon find you insecure and dump u.since she likes the sex with u,u shouldnt be worried. stop the nonsense bout toys. and its not a good thing to know about someones past in such detail,cuz now u see ur worried.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (16 June 2010):
Honestly, Sir, I think this is a YOU thing, not a HER thing. I think the banter between girls on this subject is just that: nothing more than locker room-style "one-upwomanship" banter. This really IS a non-issue among women. The worst aspect of this is a man who is overtly concerned with his "size"or lack thereof, it virtually screams: I have inadequacy issues! This is a repugnant turn-off to most women.
No one call tell you why she thinks or acts the way she does. Perhaps she detects your feelings on this matter? We can pick up on that vibe all too easily. There is nothing fact-based to support that "women lie to guys with smaller dicks when they admittedly like bigger" In turn, should women take as fact the BS banter between guys? It seems to me that you're convincing yourself that your perspective is the across-the-board facts and it's not.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): you NEED to stop obsessing over this. Not only for your own health but for your relationship also.I know it's hard because I constantly wonder about this all the time. And I ask questions that really shouldn't be asked. Because there is no perfect answer and no matter what she says, something, one little comment or phrase will leave you wondering.I also made the mistake of reading her past "emails"...don't do it man. Of course she is going to say things like that because at the time I'm sure she did enjoy sex with him. Didn't you enjoy sex with your ex girlfriends? Its natural. I'm sure she orgasmed a few times with him also. What she is trying to tell you is that with you it is MORE than just a PHYSICAL orgasam. Its on ALL levels with you. Of course she is going to tell her girlfriend only amazing things about her ex boyfriend at the time. She is bragging, like men do about their women. No one wants to be shown up. BUT ABOVE ALL THIS! you need to stop thinking about this for your relationship. NO WOMAN wants a man who keeps on asking these questions because it makes you SEEM insecure. and that is a MAJOR turn off to women. She wants a confident man, and she already told you it is WAY better with you. But, she's not going to lie to you and say she HATED sex with her ex because its just not true. And she's being honest. BUT she does say the TRUTH that its not as good as it is with YOU!You have to accept she had a past, but is over it now and is with you. What if she keeps asking you about the women you slept with before her and no matter how much you tell her she's better she just seems fixed on the issue and is worried all the time she isn't pleasing you enough? that would get old quick!We all have that one fuc*!r that was bigger than us, and did our now girlfriend/fiance/wife. We just need to accept that even though they were bigger, they were obviously too stupid and did something wrong that they couldn't keep our woman. And we are doing something right. Would you rather have a hott chick (level 10) that completely sucks at sex? Or a hott chick (level 9) that drives you crazy?
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