A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend now for 1 month shes 16 and Im 19. I love her and I can see us spending a long time togehter but Im afraid that she is going to leave me someday to be curious. She is young and I am her first real boyfriend. And Im trying to show her how much I respect her and how much I care for her but she told me that I should try not to love her as much cuz she is young and she doesnt trust herself. What does that mean? How do I go about getting rid of these feelings that she is going to leave me because she wants to be curious and date other people? PLEASE HELP! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 You entered into this relationship knowing she is only young hence you should expect this behaviour. At least she is mature enought to admit that she is still young and she cant trust herself - that takes a lot at her age to be so honest.
She is 16 and probably unsure what she wants to do with her life - she will want to be in the position where she can do what she wants and follow her dreams. Relationships tend to stifle dreams so she will be reluctant to get serious with you in case she has to move away to college, move for a job etc.
You are still young at 19 and shouldnt be thinking too long term. While you may really love her, and she probably feels the same, you should try and take it slow. Just enjoy having a girlfriend, have fun together and stop thinking about the future.
Try not to smother her with affection and saying I love you all the time, this will only push her away. You cannot stop her going off and being curious, while at the same time you are her first boyfriend and that will be special to her so she wont run off with the first guy she sees! Put any thoughts like this to the back of your mind and concentrate on being the fun boyfriend who takes her out to fun places, rather than being the soppy romantic boyfriend who is putting too much pressure on her to settle down.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, cupid77 +, writes (24 February 2009):
 She obviously doesn't feel the same way that you feel about the relationship if she told you that you shouldn't love her so much. Are you giving her breathing space or do you call her or want to be with her all the time? Do you give her time alone with friends? It's hard to tell what she meant by that, but it sounds like she wants to casually date you (not too seriouslly), and possibly date other people as well. Lay off on the "I love you's" for awhile and back off a little. She said that she doesn't "trust herself" possibly because she isn't ready to settle down. The love you are offering is too much for her. She is young and needs space. That is what it sounds like to me anyways. If you back off a little and see how she reacts to it, she might change her mind. Sometimes playing hard to get is more attractive then smothering. You could ask her if she would be ok with you dating other people and see how she responds to that. That would open conversation with her to find out how she actually feels.
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