A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf is 22 and I am 24. He watches porn A LOT. As in, a few times a day. I know that most men look at porn, but is this like normal? Our sex life is ok but I feel it sometimes comes to a point where he prefers watching porn over having sex. (He, himself has actually said so too)I also feel that the extend of porn he watches gives him certain sexual expectations that is not what it is like in real life. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment when he is really turned on he starts asking me to do things that he knows I am not comfortable with and I know it is because of these ideas he is getting from porn. Maybe I am boring in comparison to other girls. I will go down on him but I don't like him coming in my mouth. I know most women are ok with guys coming in their mouth. I don't like anal sex, again a lot of women are ok with that. And I defo don't like him coming in my face, which I believe is another one of these "Ideas" he gets from porn.
View related questions:
anal sex, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 Yes, it's getting in the way.
Yes, he is having unrealistic expectations of you SEXUALLY and without a doubt because of the porn.
http://yourbrainonporn.com/
Like Auntie Daisy said, THESE women (porn stars) are PAID to "enjoy", endure, and FAKE sex with whomever is scripted to screw them. IT is NOT reality. I will compare it to (if ONLY because it's about acting - though with porn I think it's more faking/pretending then acting, but whatever) to Neil Patrick Harris ACTING like a straight guy in HIMYM. It's PRETEND. IT's an ACT.
If you don't WANT to have his semen in your mouth, on your face, body or hair I can't see why you SHOULD have to do it, just because he thinks you should. JUST because he likes watching it in porn. SEX is about MUTUAL pleasure and enjoyment. Same with anal sex. THERE are plenty of FUN things you can do sexually that BOTH of you can enjoy together.
Basically YOU are a sexual OBJECT he wants to USE for HIS sexual release whenever he gets tired of his hand.
He needs help and YOU can't fix this.
Sorry, I'd leave him to his right hand, and find myself a man who can appreciate ME for me and who doesn't see me as his personal porn-star.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (30 April 2014):
 You are not boring by comparison; most women are NOT ok with this style, so you are normal! His style of sex is totally derived and influenced by his excessive viewing… Where else does someone get these typical ideas of coming in a mouth and anal sex from!?
Yes, porn is getting in the way of your relationship as he prefers watching porn to having real sex in a human dignifying manner that is respectful to you!
However, it’s ok to experiment and discover your preference, that’s how we learn… Once you discover this about yourself it’s ok to say, thanks but no thanks – NO!
For me; I wouldn’t invest my time with someone so preoccupied with watching and having these degrading sexual expectations of me, it’s not real life and I’m no B-Grade porn star, which you will find these women are acting. And as much as I like to experiment, I still know the difference when someone thinks they can treat/use me like a porn puppet!
That unfortunately is how he sees you, but you are clever enough to recognize this and hopefully move on.
CAA
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (30 April 2014):
 Your are not boring compared to other women. You are "boring" compared to women who get paid to pretend to enjoy certain things that are clearly unpleasant. Notice I say pretend. I agree with everything female anon has said on that matter.
If you don't enjoy certain things then tell him and don't do them. He has to know that real-life women are not porn actresses. As I said to another woman asking about the possible effects of porn use, set your boundaries and stick to them. If he doesn't respect those boundaries, find someone else who will. Or just be single.
Just to add, I have no issues with porn use except when it interferes with normal, real life relationships, which it clearly does in your instance.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2014): Yup, someone here can't distinguish reality from porn. Your boyfriend is definitely being influenced. I wonder if he's ever called you dirty, offensive names during intimate moments... "I know most women are ok with guys coming in their mouth. I don't like anal sex, again a lot of women are ok with that."Where are you getting this from? I don't know if it's accurate or inaccurate, but maybe you want to check this site: http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html for stats. Not sure if it'll help with altering your perspective.From my experience, most women don't like having semen on their face or on their stomach/back, or in their hair, or in their mouth. Most don't enjoy anal sex because the clitoris is what stimulates women and leads to orgasm. Anal sex USUALLY doesn't do anything for women. Even gay men have said receiving anal sex was uncomfortable and overall not enjoyable. Anal sex is really about the person who gives it, not who receives it. A lot of women perform these sexual favors to please their partner. Sometimes they're pressured into it or guilt-tripped into it with: "If you love me you'll do it. You let your ex-boyfriend do it, so why can't I? Blah blah blah." Of course, there are women who do it very willingly and for themselves, but whether they are of the majority...I don't know. Let's assume most women enjoy having semen in their mouth and receiving anal penetration, it doesn't mean you have to. You as an individual should respect your comfort zone. Most women in the past were expected to have intercourse with men much older than them out of the duty as a young wife. Does that mean it was okay? No. If your boyfriend himself has claimed to have a preference over porn than having actual sex, then drop him. You'll have to compromise your own values and comfort to keep him and I highly suggest NOT doing that for someone who can't be bothered with seeing women as individuals and not as a man's little play thing.
...............................
A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (30 April 2014):
 Hi,I think that sometimes as a young man or woman you don't really know what to expect from a partner, what they like in the bedroom etc. It's all about exploring together and finding what you both like, what you can compromise on etc.I would say, yes a few times a day is a tad excessive and could be giving him ideas. However he is a young lad and just starting out on his sexual journey, as are you. If you really can't live with the porn it may be time to let go.It could be that he will either mellow with age, or it could get increasingly more progressive.Most women don't like a guy cumming in their mouth or face, they do it because it excites their partner and they know that it is a huge turn on for the man.There are some techniques that you could try if you really don't like it. You can just open your mouth slightly and let the cum run down the base of the penis, which I believe quite a few women use.Hope that helped, and good luck.
...............................
|
