A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is porn a step on the slippery slope to cheating? I found out that my bf of 7 months has some porn videos of women from the internet on his computer. He has done nothing to make me doubt my trust in him, but I'm a little worried that looking at porn is on the slippery slope to cheating...am I wrong? Does looking at porn indicate a man wants to look at other women and have sex with other women if he gets the chance? Thanks.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 I read another study that looked more in depth, it's actually women who are far more likely to cheat than men after engaging in porn use. I'm sorry if my last answer was confusing, I meant porn doesn't lead to cheating, I'd say people who are already inclined to cheat are inclined to use porn, not the other way around.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 100% of all cheaters also wear socks.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (30 March 2011):
No, probably not. If he hasn't done something to make you doubt his trust, this won't change anything. One study found that people who watch porn are 300% more likely to cheat than people who don't, but it's really a chicken and egg scenario. Correlation does not equal causation. Has anything at all changed from before you found the porn?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 March 2011):
Nope. Porn does not lead to cheating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): (Orignial Poster): Thanks so much for your answers. It's cool with me that guys watch porn, and everything else in our relationship is good, so thanks for the reassurance :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): I personally do not like the idea of my man watching and getting off to another naked women(even though men generally watch for the sex) I find it personally hurtful. Also, when men look at porn too much, it puts them off to sex, and they find it harder to get aroused. But to answer your question, I do not believe that porn takes a step towards cheating. It's all about your boyfriends character, integrity, morals and values. Do you trust him to not cheat?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 March 2011):
 Great answer k_c100.
Just be careful it doesn't start negatively affecting your sex life OP. If that happens, then it's becoming a problem.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 Absolutely not!!! Afraid you are wrong on this one, just because a man masturbates to images of women does not mean he is going to cheat. If he is chatting to other women online, using dating sites, facebook etc then yes that would indicate he may be unfaithful, but simple masturbation to porn has no relation to cheating at all.
My boyfriend will occasionally watch porn and he is the most faithful and loyal man I have ever met!
In a nutshell, this is why men use porn:
1. It is an escape. It is like a fantasy world where they can just escape real life and induldge - like when women fantasise about George Clooney or whoever when masturbating, it is the same thing for men with porn.
2. It is a quick, easy release. Many women will always ask 'why is he looking at porn when he can have sex with me?' and the reason is this - porn is easier. Sex for men is actually quite difficult and stressful, they are always conscious of whether the woman is enjoying herself, making sure he performs (i.e doesnt cum too soon), he has to do all of the work in most positions (unless girl is on top)and all the woman has to do is lie there and focus on her orgasm - but for men there is so much more going on. Hence porn is the quickest, easiest and least stressful way to 'get off' so to speak. It doesnt mean he does not enjoy sex with you - its just on the odd occasion, men like to take the easy option and have a quick, easy release of tension. Even with oral, he is still worrying about if you are enjoying it, if he is taking too long to cum, if your jaw is hurting, if there will be too much cum....etc
3. They dont want to have sex with a porn star or want you to look like a porn star - generally when they are watching porn men often think 'oh I would love to do that to xxxx(partner's name).'Of course it helps that the porn star is attractive, they wouldnt use ugly women now would they! But just because they look at the women in these videos/images, it does not mean that is the sort of woman they want to be with. Most men know in the back of their minds that these women are pretty fake, covered in make up and are far more slutty than the type of girl they want in real life. So as much as it is 'looking' at another woman, it doesnt mean they are going to look for a woman like that in real life just because they have seen women who look like that in porn. Give men a bit of credit - they are not as dumb as they may look!
The only time you should get worried about porn is if he is lying about it and watching it very frequently, to the point on obession. Generally if you are open with your boyfriend about porn, dont judge him for it, dont make a big deal about it and in general are ok about it - then he will never have to hide it from you or lie. Heck - why not even suggest watching it together?! You may find it turns you on too, and he will definitely love that you want to share in his turn-on's!
I have spoke to my partner about this (he is 27 and we have a very happy relationship), and many of my male friends and they all say the same things - the reason why they watch porn is the exact things I have said above. It has no impact on their girlfriends or wives, it is purely about a release for them. Men are very visual creatures so it makes masturbating more enjoyable - what is really so wrong with that? You would never get upset by a man masturbating, so really there is not that much difference between plain old masturbation and masturbating to porn.
Many many women feel the exact same way as you do (search this site and you will see!), and men will always maintain that it is meaningless but the women cannot get their heads around it. And this is where the big difference lies - women attach emotions to sex, whereas men (often) do not. So women are thinking 'why does he need porn when he has me' and they see the porn as a threat, whereas there are no emotions for men attached to porn whatsoever.
You may never understand why men use porn, and that is ok if it simply does not make sense to you. Just as there are many parts of a woman's personality men will never understand, maybe this is one part of your partner that you will never understand. I think what men and women need to do more is to accept that we have differences and not try and rationalise them in our own gender specific ways, at the end of the day men and women will always be different so lets just accept it and get on with it!
If porn really did indicate that men who watch it will cheat - then 90% of the population would all be cheating on their girlfriends and wives. Most men watch porn, and most men do not cheat on their partners. It is only a rare few men that cheat, and that is borne out of problems in their relationships, or deep rooted psychological problems that they have internally.
Try not to worry about it, this is totally normal and I'm sure your boyfriend loves you very much and would never cheat. If the porn really bothers you to a point where you think about it constantly, then talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. As much as I try and show women that porn is nothing to be threatened by, I will always say that if it really makes you that unhappy or it affects you to a great extent then you should tell your partner and come to a compromise about porn where you are both happy. You shouldnt have to put up with something that makes you unhappy, so talk to him if you need to.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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