A
female
age
51-59,
*acks45
writes:OK! I found out that my boyfriend of 8 years has been going on adult dating sites looking for women to hook up he'd say he hopes they can come over see I'd stay at my daughters sometimes and baby sit.is cheating OK if there's no actual contact between 2 people well lets see, I'm seriously confused, I feel betrayed, I'm embarrassed, I'm hurt, I'm struggling with trusting him now and my heart has been shattered online cheating. he even called one of the women his pet name for me he's been doing this for at least 2 years he would deny deny deny Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016  +, writes (13 November 2017):
Def not ok in my book, I wouldn't want my bf having contact w/random online women and he wouldn't want me doing that w/other dudes.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (11 November 2017):
 It isn´t ok at all. It´s plain down wrong, disgusting and inconsiderate of your SO to even do that in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 November 2017):
 You know deep down that it is not okay. Given half the chance I think he would physically cheat on you if some woman would let him, not only that but he lies to you and denies these messages. I think you know deep down the best thing to do is end this relationship. You would never be able to trust someone who thinks it is okay to ask other women around for sex and also to lie to you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 November 2017):
 Ask your FEELINGS if it is ok? If it was ok in any way, shape or form, would you be feeling as you do?
Of course not.
You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (9 November 2017):
 Married or not, what your bf has done is unacceptable and inexcusable.
What your bf is doing is called, "having an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR" with other women and that's just as dangerous and as bad as the real thing.
Your bf sounds pretty immature and irresponsible.
He's been your bf for 8 years, yet never made a concrete commitment to you. Why?
Sure some women can, but not too many women could stay with a guy that long and not demand more commitment.
This sounds like a part of the problem.
He's not your fiance, nor your husband, so he feels that he's free to do whatever he chooses to do within your relationship.
Yes, he is a "cheater" and he takes full advantage when you're not around or when you head to your daughters.
He's even using your pet name with some woman online! That's crazy!
You should question whether your bf truly loves and respects you.
Even if you were married long term and you guys had issues, you'd hope that he'd be able to talk to you about his feelings, not head online and connect with other women behind your back.
Many couples encounter issues within their relationships/marriages, but it's never a good idea to run to somebody else to try and resolve the issue.
The two people within that relationship should always do what's right for their relationship and that means working together to try and resolve the issues, not head to somebody else for attention.
Once this happens, you can almost guarantee that the relationship is pretty much over, or will certainly head downhill at some point.
I know men and women will often look at this issue in very different ways, but as most women would see it, this is definitely "an affair" of sorts.
He's expressing, online, to many women, his feelings for them and what's next on his agenda?
Actually getting together in person, with any one of these women and then what?
I would be showing him the front door and i wouldn't take him back.
He CANNOT HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO! Not on!
I don't blame you for feeling as you do, because i would be feeling the same way too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2017): If you two were married and he was feeling trapped in a suffucating marriage as the case with many long term marriages then I would somehow have sampathised with him to look for some fresh air outside the marriage streight jacket but he is only a boyfriend, if he is bored with you he should breack up and become free to do as he likes. He shouldnt go behind your back looking for hook ups. What he has done is unexcusable.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 November 2017):
 For me, it's NOT OK.
I'd say if you can't DO whatever in front of your partner then it is a form of cheating. He is denying because he thinks he can sweep it under the carpet and that YOU are either "dumb" enough to fall for his BS or "desperate" enough to pretend it's OK so you still have a BF...
(not calling you dumb by the way, but that is what his actions are saying).
He might not have met up with anyone - YET but he is trying. In what world is that OK?
Would you do that yourself? My guess is no. So why is it OK for him?
Sorry. It seems like your relationship has hit that expiration date like an 8-months old gallon of milk. It's sour and nothing good can come from it.
You can't trust him. He doesn't respect you.
What is there to build a future on?
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (9 November 2017):
 The only reason he hasn't PHYSICALLY cheated (that you know of) is due to distance of the women/ them probably wanting money to travel to him, him just wanting a lay with the nearest woman available.
He has shown INTENT. If a woman knocked on the door tomorrow you think he would say no? He's admitted he will ALWAYS say yes...
Listen the online stuff is ONLY what you know of.. you staying away overnight gives him the PERFECT opportunity to have any slag he wants round!
So if a killer gets his gloves and beanie and plans to go out on a spree- but realises he feels a bit tired, he'll do it tomorrow. Well technically he's made PLANS and
shown what he IS WILLING to do.. just because he hasn't physically done it- does that make him innocent??
After 3 years if your boyfriend hasn't PROPOSED he's a waste of time. Ask yourself why he hasn't married you in EIGHT YEARS??
Because he is a dirty cheating USER- he makes a mug of you everyday because you have 0 SELF ESTEEM and let him. And he can leave without any legal strings attached. Piece of cake for him
Please start wanting more for yourself and work on your self-esteem, you deserve a lot more than this CHEATING arsehole
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 November 2017):
 You bet it's not OK !
It sounds like your bf has been trying to get women to come over the very moment you are out of the door.... so I doubt that , if there has never been an actual, physical contact (..which he would deny, anyway...) it's because it was his choice. More probably, it's because the women did not accept, or did but changed their mind.
If I stab you and you die, it's homicide- not OK.
If I stab at you, but you duck , escape and do not die - it's attempted homicide. Less heinous- but still not OK:
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