A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex of 5 years and I have recently broken up. For a couple of months I noticed him being extremely distant. I'd confront him about it and he tells me things at work aren't good and it's not allowing him to spend time with his son like he use to. I ask if he'd prefer that I give him some space and he said no. Weeks go by and I don't get a response from the texts I've sent him. I ask him what's going on and why won't he talk to me, still no response. I ask if he wants to end our relationship and of course no response. Finally, after weeks of not hearing from him I text him none stop about how I've been feeling about our relationship and tell him I'm done. He gets pissed and tells me to stop texting him. I then proceed to tell him to let me know if he wants to end our relationship and he doesn't say anything. More weeks go by and at this point I'm sad, depressed, distraught and angry and I've expressed this to him via texts. After sending him numerous non stop texts and unanswered phone calls, I force him to say he's done with our relationship. My question is why was it so hard for him to just tell me he didn't want to be with me anymor?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 November 2017):
 Because he is a coward and wanted to make YOU do the "dirty deed" and finish the relationship.
The question here should be, why didn't YOU finish it much earlier? You deserve better. Shake yourself down and move on.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (9 November 2017):
 Don't waste any more of your precious time on this guy.
I don't know exactly what's transpired between the two of you, nor how often you both saw each other in person, however, this is not the way to break up with your gf after 5 long years.
This guy, he's obviously been up to something and didn't want to have to explain anything to you.
Could he have met another woman? It's possible.
How cheap and cruel of him to treat you so lowly.
You should do him the same courtesy and finish with him, for good!
Block him on your mob phone, all social media pages, everything!
Let go of him, because if you don't, he'll continue to treat you like a door mat and you'll always feel unhappy and stressed as a result.
There are plenty of good fish in the sea and someday, when you've healed and found your closure, you may just be ready to date and meet a much better person.
Somebody who won't dump on you, after 5 long years together.
You didn't deserve this, certainly not if you did nothing wrong.
Focus on YOURSELF and give him the wide berth that he deserves.
He's not worthy of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2017): "My question is why was it so hard for him to just tell me he didn't want to be with me anymor[e]?"
My question is why was it so hard for YOU to just tell him YOU didn't want to be with him anymore? Why would you allow him to cowardly treat you with such contempt and disrespect while waiting for him to break up with him?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 November 2017):
 I agree with YouWish,
Why wait for HIM to say he wants to end things? Why drag it out with MANY MANY texts?
This is NOT how anyone should treat his partner. With silence and lies. I get that you care(d) for him and wanted things to either work out or at least know how he felt. Seems like he isn't the kind of guy who HAS the gut to say to his partner of 5! years - it's over. He rather "ghost" you and pretend you'll know what's up.
OP. Never let someone treat you this way.
BLOCK his number and DELETE it so you won't be tempted to do more contact - THERE IS NO point to doing so. BLOCK & REMOVE him from all social media (if you have him on there).
And then you focus on yourself. SPEND time with people who DO want to be around you. Friends, family. Don't sit at home alone feeling sorry for yourself. He isn't worth you NOT living life. It might be a few more months before you feel like you can work on moving on, and that is OK. Just do NOT feel tempted to contact him and if he DOES reach out to you - tell him to go fly a kite and NEVER contact you again.
LEARN from this relationship. I'm sure there were good and bad things that you can take as a lesson as you move forward.
Chin up, there are more men out there. You don't have to settle for someone who won't treat you right.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (9 November 2017):
 Sounds like he has a chip on his shoulder about something, as that is a surefire way of hurting you and prolonging your pain- it's a very cruel way of breaking up with someone and not excusable unless you did something earth shatteringly bad i.e cheating, stealing from his family etc.
Some people pent their feelings up, so resentment creeps in.. they prefer the passive aggressive route, standoffishness, ignoring you "this relationship means nothing to me" etc- just to hurt you. It means they have emotional issues they need to work on and is not personal to you.
If you really have done nothing awful, I'm so sorry you had to find out that he's not a decent guy- he must have shown other signs though right? I mean it's such an awful way to treat your partner of five years, he must think you've done something.. don't feel bad, you're probably not aware of it
All I can say is you can't change his temperament, and I'm guessing you've asked him if you've done anything wrong.. if he wants to behave like a petulant child then leave him to it. Do as he asks and block his contact/ fb every way means of contacting you. I'm sure when he's ready he'll probably be back to bring up all your old wounds and have his say.
But please, you've given him enough of your time and it's wasted on his indecency. Be strong and start the grieving process
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 November 2017):
 Why did you waste several WEEKS on this??
He ghosted you after 5 years because he's an immature coward who most likely is dating someone else and wanted to hedge his bets with you rather than do the honorable thing. Everyone, regardless of socioeconomic status, is given the exact same amount of hours in a day: 24.
He wasn't talking to you and isn't seeing his son not because he couldn't, but because he chose to do something different with his time than another guy who doesn't make excuses.
I want to focus on YOU now. You were with him for 5 years. That *is* a long time, and I know you didn't just want to drop him without making him accountable for how he treated you. However, unless this is a long-distance relationship, one visit in-person would have saved you MONTHS of wasted time and energy.
However, if this WAS a long-distance relationship, as I'm suspecting this was, I'm even more convinced that he moved on long before he told you that he did, which is a completely dick thing to do.
You need to move on. BLOCK him. No more calling him or texting for closure. You must be YOUR OWN closure, because life doesn't always give you resolutions on a silver platter. You put your life ON HOLD to demand closure from him, and that will continue to hamstring you until you take your mind and emotions and re-direct them towards a much brighter future with a much more mature person.
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