A
female
age
26-29,
*he wallflower
writes:1) He was sitting down with his legs wide open and I couldn't pass. He looked up and smiled. Then, after a few seconds, he moved his legs and let me pass.2) Very often, he keeps eye contact; once he was gazing at me so much that he lost concentration and mumbled during the lesson. I've often caught him staring at me. Then, he quickly turns away his head.3) Once, I was acting perfectly normal, and he came up to me and asked me "OK?".4) Once my best friend, who usually sits next to me in class, was absent and the desk next to me was empty. His desk was exactly in front of mine and he sat on his desk and kind of put his feet up on the empty desk. That day, he was getting really close. I'm sure he was trying to touch my hand "accidentally" because he kept putting his hands on my desk.5)Once he touched my foot with his foot during a lesson and I pulled mine back hastily. I thought it was just an accident but it happened a couple of times.I'm nearly 14 and he's about 29. I would just like to make it clear that I will never try to do anything, firstly because I am a really shy person and secondly because I will not get him into trouble (it's his first year at my school) but his behaviour is really suggestive at times...However 4 close friends know about my feelings towards him and once, he happened to come into class to talk to some other student, and one of my friends said in a very loud voice "Look who's here 'my name'". She said this loudly and in a teasing sort of voice. I just blushed and looked away, but I'm sure he heard. I regret not having looked at his face to see his reaction that day. I thought he would be embarrassed in my presence after realizing that I am somehow attracted to him. Instead he is more friendly and when I asked him a question recently he leaned in towards me, almost touching my face and he answered my question very sensibly. But, he was looking into my eyes all the time. He smiled at me and said my name in a really sweet way. His hands were both on my desk (very close to my body) and he was touching my feet with his feet. I felt like he was all over me.Then the next day I wanted to ask him another question about the upcoming exam but I was too shy that day so my friend volunteered to ask him instead. He must have realised because when he answered the question he half smiled at me. I guess I must have given him some signs myself because I often keep eye contact with him for a long time. Once, I went to the staff room because he had to give me some notes and I said "thank you" in an over-sweet way. My best friend was with me and she said so. Afterwards I regretted having been so sweet. He must have noticed, surely. The, , another time we had fieldwork and the class was divided into 2 groups. There are 2 teacher teaching his subject and I was with the other teacher! I remember feeling devastated!! Before the 2 groups parted I looked straight into his eyes as if to say "I'm ever so sorry. I really wanted to be with you." I don't know what made me do it, because usually I don't have the courage to look at him in his face because of my excessive shyness.
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best friend, my ex, my teacher, shy, teasing Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, IrishLeprechaun  +, writes (20 August 2009):
I know it's probably hard for you him leaving. But it's also a good thing as you say it will give you a fresh start.
A
female
reader, the wallflower +, writes (3 August 2009):
the wallflower is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all I would like to thank those who took the time to read my question and give me their opinion on my situation.
As regards to my situation, I can't say it has improved. Rather, it's worse because he's leaving my school forever. However, I'll be taking this as an oppurtunity for a fresh start. I won't say I'll forget him, because I know I can't. But I'll be focussing on my education.Hopefully, they'll be changes in my currently empty love life.
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A
female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady  +, writes (21 July 2009):
Ok; essentially if this man is 29 and you are 'nearly' 14. Then any attraction he has to you, is very.,.. very wrong and weird. Being attracted to girls under the age of 14 (even 16) actually puts a person into the category of 'paedophile'. This means that this man will not only be attracted to you, he will be attracted to underage girls in general i.e. aged 13-15. Men who like girls this age generally have alot of issues, and are broken people. I can guarantee if he is attracted to you, he is bad news. He shouldn't be flirting with you, if you were 16 it would still be unprofessional and wrong however under 16, you are impressionable and young (as demonstrated by how much this has affected you, how much you have thought about it), a teacher should not be behaving in suggestive ways towards you because as a young person you are vulnerable - he may know you have attractions to him and is taking advantage of this. However, nothing you have said has worried me too much so far - if he starts to become physical (touching yours arms or legs etc...) you need to get away from him or report him. Because you are so young, for an adult man to have attractions to you is not normal, and therefore should be looked on with great concern.
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A
female
reader, JGSM  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 Hey girl!I think that you are wrong here with the signs... Young girls often try to look for signs that aren't there.. you think that it is a sign but it really isn't. It sounds like coincidences but I'm not in your classroom seeing the signs so I can't really speak out. But don't believe anything without knowing for sure. It sounds like you have a crush on him and that can be a reason why you sees everything he does. I know it is hard, but try to forget about him. If he does something really stupid, like crossing the line... tell a teacher or someone that you trust. Like I said I don't know because am not there seeing what's going on but he is probably just a nice teacher.Wish you all the best, let us know how it goes../S
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A
female
reader, kitty_3  +, writes (14 July 2009):
 from what you said he's definitely sending signs.
you seem to feel uncomfortable with the fact that he may be attracted to you, but you also said that you like him. maybe you should back away a bit from him-- just enough to discourage his signals-- but still be friendly to him if you're interested.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): Okay tell your parents and ask them what they think you should also talk to another teacher or princaple. His behaviour is so inapropriate.
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A
male
reader, uncle Frank  +, writes (6 July 2009):
 You are 14 and he is 29.
You are shy and he is not.
According to code of conduct of Teachers he is not even allowed to try and impress a female learner.He could be fired if found out or at least reprimanded etc.
He probably wants sex with you because you are shy, possibly virgin, especially because you are shy.
Male teachers in South Africa are the primary spreaders of HIV because they seem to take advantage of their position to have sexual intercourse with as many young and innocent girls as possible.
You have not mentioned love or marriage, but I will.
If the two of you may consider marriage, 15 years age difference (you are half his age)will create big problems for several reasons.
At this stage you may feel that it unimportant, but when you will 35 and at you most active sexual life, he will be 50 and close to retirement (and collapse).
Legally you may not marry before you are 18 and even then you will not be ready to start a home and look after babies.
If he has only started to work a year ago he will not be able to provide: support for you, a car, a home, furniture, clothing as well as medical expenses for youg babies. Even if you wait for him you will find that after a few weeks he will be in the look out for another 14 years old.
I know you don't like nor believe what I am writing to you, but: do yourself a favour and concentrate in your studies and your future.
If he is interested in you YOU: he will wait for you! He will also make sure that your interests are safeguarded.
But if he keeps doing what is illegal he only show his infatuation with sweet young kid who all she has to gain is a baby in year time and nobody except you parents to look after it.
TO HAVE a boy friend, older than yourself, a teacher to boot, may seem very attractive to you, but I can assure that you will only get hurt and give away the one thing that a future husband would appreciate more than anything else you can bring to a marriage: your virginity. I Pray that you still have that.
I know thousands of girls who did what you seem wanting to do: accept the unspoken advances of a man twice you age, and all they have is his baby and most also his sickness.
HIV does not show for 7 years, but it infects others.
I lecture HIV in schools.
May God give you the strength to look the other way, to tell your parents and even the Principal.
uncle Frank
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A
female
reader, IrishLeprechaun +, writes (6 July 2009):
This must be a very tricky situation for you. You are probably stuck between doing something with him or not.
I am not going to call you a silly girl because I am 14 and I love a teacher but he doesn't teach me so we can't get close often apart from at badminton which he does.
I just recomend that you be very careful and if you are really worried about this and how he is coming on to you like this, speak to your parents. See what they say or go see the head of his department. What he is doing if he is very fond of you, is actually illegal. It is known that until you leave the school he is a person of you trust and thereore can't do anything.
I wish you the best and if you're worried talk to someone.
Hannah xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): OMG!!I have the same situation!I do think ur teacher is found of you!Cos what u have been sayin is practicly the same thing that is happening 2 me!Most teachers go for the shy 1s!!Do u like him??
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