A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so my former teacher and I are friends nowadays, but I had/have romantic feelings for him. I still attend the school he teaches at. I was in his class during parts of the 9th and 10th grades.I know, teacher-student relationships are wrong, and this is all a product of some bad-parenting that I refuse to acknowledge and/or have suppressed. That is precisely why I never made any attempt at a relationship with him, but looking back on what did happen... I think maybe I should report him.The incident: A year and a half ago, I was alone w/ this teacher a night in a small room, but plenty of people, including his wife, were in a room nearby. It was dark and we had been talking. When the conversation died out, he was staring at my legs (I had one of those really short skirts on), and then he just reached his hand out, ran it from my knee to the hemline of the skirt, felt the hemline, and then ran it back to my knee. Then he looked at my face (I had been watching his face, not his hand), stood up, and left....? He could have just been saying "bye", since he often would touch my shoulder when he walked past me or when he would say "goodnight" at the end of a day, but...The context: I know what you're thinking, so I will comment that it was a grade for me to be in that situation, and even if it wasn't, I could be in no way "asking for it." If this was sexual misconduct, then it was sexual misconduct, period. It's not a circumstantial right-or-wrong situation.Our relationship: We are friends. We have had arguments. We have had good conversations. He stands close to me and holds my hand on occasion. He also stands close to other people, sometimes, but I've never seen him touch their hands. We've gone into rooms plenty of other times alone together and only hand-arm contact has happened. I still have some feelings for him... he's very attractive, and caring. He always cheers me up.My question: Was that sexual misconduct? Should I report it? Or was it just a lapse in judgment? Is he a danger? Or does something that happened 1.5 years ago and never repeated itself okay to overlook?I would never want someone else could get hurt because of my neglect, and hindsight would be 20-20, but this also could be a non-issue. The thing is, until about 2 weeks ago, when my maths teacher said something on the subject of reporting sexual misconduct, he said it should be reported for "at least the safety of others around them." This sounds naive, but it never occurred to me that he would do this with someone else. I always assumed it was just me.... We always have had this weird connection; I always thought it was only between us, though.=S I don't know what to do. Advice would be appreciated.... Thanks to those who reply.
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female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (7 March 2009):
 if you have proof, you should report him; if you don't, i don't know...
it's kind of odd that he held your hand. why were you alone together so frequently?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): Hi. I'm the Original Question Asker by the way.
For clarification, it was a school play. (I wanted to be vague, but I'll just say it to stop the criticism.) We were off in a back room to w/ the sound equipment and whatnot while everyone else was watching the play, explaining the room thing. I was required to be there. I was wearing a short skirt b/c it was a hot summer night, and it's even hotter back with all the electronic equipment.
A week ago, I told my maths teacher, who said he would tell administration or the guidance person, but I haven't heard anything... do they think it's not a big deal? I didn't go into specifics before, so maybe they just don't know? Another teacher was fired for sexual misconduct last year, so they obviously know when it happens.... I don't know.
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A
female
reader, Amy2007x  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Yeah he does sound a il bit werid =/ im not stickin up for this dude, but did u do anythin to kindda lead him on, i mean why were u alone with him in a room at night? why was his wife and other ppl in another room? and why was it dark?? tht is wht puzzled me, was it a parents night of sum sort or a suported study? i dnt get why u woulda bn in this suituation in the first place? and if it was at night, why did u wear a short skirt to go see your teacher? i mean unless u really like short skirts or u were extremly warm, wehich i highly doubt, look no offense but why?? why did u wear a skirt to a man whom u believe u have a special relationship with? surely ur wantin summit am i not right? thts like me, being in a room alone with him, at night, in a seperate room from his wife, and im wearing a short skirt? do u get wht im sayin?? u may wanna word tht kindda differently if u report this i mean, he is a pervert, true. although it sounds kindda werid the whole suituation thing, i mean i like my teacher, and i get easter skl, where we go into skl durin our easter holiodays and revide for exams and yeah i wear nice things for that and i always talk to him and sumtimes try and get him alone coz thts when he starts to priase me like hell! lol he thinks the sunshine is outta my butt seriously, im not blamin u, i dont want u to think that but it sounds werid lol so maybe leave out tht u where wearin a short skirt, and that it was dark okay? i mean u owuldnt want the skl to think u led him on, which is wrong tho coz he is a teacher and should know better, i mean who does that to their students??? i will tell u who- a sicko, a sicko who shouldnt be around kids, well done tho for walkin out i mean who knows wht coulda happened if you jsut sat there, he may have tried to go further, Im sorry bout up there readin it aloud sounds like im blamin u but im totally not, im jsut a lil confuzzled about the whole suituation lol :P infact dnt word this differently if u are gonna complain on him, i mean the way he acted was horrid, cant a pupil wear a short skirt without gettin a harassed off of a teacher, its ridicolous! seriously complain on him tell them everythin you know, see if my teacher (the one i have a crush on) done tht to my leg, i woulda slapped in the face lol even thought i like him i know that we can never be togeather, like ever, and im realisin now that likin him is makin skl kindda fun and i dont hate it as much so ive stopped like bein seriously obsessed over him and realsied that im gonna enjoy skl and enjoy the odd flirt with him but anythin serious he will be gettin told to bk off because im jst a teenm, infact im a kid really, and if a grown man were to show interest in me that tht only proves one thing : he is a pervert.
im so sorry i write too much when im on my high horse but there u go! lol
dont let him get away with it anymore, he is a pervert, and shouldnt be in a skl workin! he should be in prison!!
wbxx
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Report him - any kind of contact like this is unacceptable and he knows it.
If you don't, he may do something to you that you may not like... he may do that to one of your closest friends.
He is a threat. Report him.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Report him, it always amazes me how other girls don't think these teacher will do it to other girls, I'm glad you realise he will. Point is with you, he managed to hold himself back but with another girl...he may go that step further. Go to the head and tell about your unusual close relationship and about the skirt incident, say your worried he do it to another girl. Gd luck
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A
female
reader, KeRrI117 +, writes (7 January 2008):
 however you feel about it is going to worry you and probably you thinking of other people is making it sound worse to yourself but also he shouldnt have touched your leg like that it was wrong for him to do. The way your describing him he sounds like a pervert you were a student and he was your teacher things like that arent supposed to happen in real life the only place that happens is on tv. i think you should report it for other peoples safety but ask for it to be reported anonymously especially for your safety.
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