A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am currently going through a divorce. My ex and I have been separated for a year and a half. I started dating my boyfriend 6 months after my separation started. I have recently fallen on hard financial times and lost my job. My current boyfriend has lent me money and has been helping me get by. He suggested today that I look into pawning or selling my wedding/engagement rings. I really don't want to do this. Even though my marriage is done, I've moved on and am very happy with my boyfriend. I still have a sentimental attachment to my rings. I feel I can't tell him this and he doesn't understand. And is kind of upset that I don't want to sell them. What do I do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 January 2013):
 The problem is that when you are broke and borrowing money to get by, you can't afford to be " sentimental ". Your sentiments get in the way of a prompt repayment of the money you borrowed. It's not fair that your bf should patiently wait until some day you are back on your feet, or worse keep assisting you financially, while you have your own valuables which you could get money from.
I would not be thrilled of lending money to a friend or lover who has a classic car- an old Corvette, an old Jaguar - sitting in his garage for sentimental reasons.
This would irk me anyway even if I did not need my money back urgently, or even if I were oozing with money - simply, I would read it as a sign that my friend or lover is a person who leans too much on other people's help , and is a person that automatically, without even thinking, puts his interest ( keeping his prized memento ) before mine.
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (18 January 2013):
I think the main issue here is that you have been borrowing money from your bf and he is helping you out financially. Are you starting to get back on your feet yet? Is there a plan to pay him back soon? Because he may not be thrilled to be lending you money that he doesn't know when it will get paid back while you have expensive things that could be sold.
The question is whether he STILL would want you to pawn your rings even if you were not borrowing money from you. Because if you were in a great financial situation and he still wanted you to sell it, then it would be because he is jealous and doesn't want you to hold onto your old wedding ring. And that is definitely too much to ask. He might ask that you not wear it, which is reasonable, but not that you get rid of it. Especially not when you have been together only 6 months.
Come up with a plan to get back on your feet and pay him back. Maybe sell some other items that you don't need and don't mind parting with. And then hopefully this issue will become a non-issue at that point.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (18 January 2013):
 Your boyfriend may not harbour the same sentimentality to personal items as you do and it's probably irking him that you are borrowing money from him to 'get by' whilst you still have items of monetary value that you can sell to help support yourself.
I know the rings have some meaning to you (and most people would agree) but if you think about it, you can see your boyfriends point of view, why should he give you money when you could be doing more towards your own finances.
There is also the point of what those rings represent and I think most men would feel slightly uncomfortable knowing their girlfriend/wife treasured rings that another man gave her. It's a psychological thing, and I think a lot of women would wory if their partner treasured jewellry from an old flame...it's just a thing.
Maybe quit borrowing money from your boyfriend and sort your own financial problems out and put the rings away and don't mention them. Raising the issue will only inflame things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): I got married in 1974, separated 1976, divorced 1984 and I still have my wedding/engagement rings in my safe just like brand new, not because of my ex but because these are my rings and I want to keep them.Maybe one day if I want to sell them or have them re-done then I will, I will never sell them because someone else want me to sell them.I got laid off 5 months from my job years ago but never thought to sell my rings.We live in different states and haven't seen each other since 1976, I have no feelings for him whatsoever, to me it's just a piece of jewelry and as a matter of fact I'm going to take a look at them right now.I feel the same as you,I still have sentimental attachment to my rings just like I have other stuff that sentimental to me. So if you don't want to sell your rings then don't, wait until you decide you don't want them anymore then sell them.If you're still wearing the rings then I can understand why he would want you to pawn or sell them.If you pawn them at least you can get them back when things get a little better.Wish you luck.
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