A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 25 woman and have 2 younger brother with 3 years gap respectively. We live with our successful and happy family. Everybody will think that our family is beyond perfect. Many thinks that my parent succeed raising us.Otherwise. Theres a differences on how my parent treat us. I mean. Im a girl they bought me things that i like and not so with my brother but i think they prefer my brothers than me. My dad prepared all the financial and future for my brothers and me? I just got what i want for now. My mom even cooked specially for my btother and not for me. Once she even forbid me to eat something and said that its for my brother. I feel treated like a second best for them. My dad would give his money to my brothers and as a girl maybe i got none or less. My mom has a very sharp tongue especially when we are arguing. She deliberately said to me that its because im a girl and i would be marry someday and i would not be living with them and my brothers will stay with them so they kind of prefer son than me. She even said that she thinks i wouldnt marry because of my attitude which is when i confront her something she cant deny or reject that its her mistakes. She underestimate my fiance because hes not successful and wealthy like them. Its because my fiancee is dependent enough to stand on his feet abd dont rely on parents money like my brothers do. Whenever i dont do what she said she said i wont live like that forever and i would have miserable life after marry to my fiance. But she also afraid if i dont get marry because shes ashame of having a daughter who stay at home with them forever. My brother has shown disrespect and betrayal for our family when hes in relationship with his ex girlfriend which my parent forbid. He steald money and lies to my parent all the time. He argued and fight with my parents daily.I think shes just ashamed of my fiance or maybe she hates to have daughter. Yes theres times shes so warm and kind to me like other mother did. But when shes emotional shes like evil trying to make me depressed. Personally i really care for my family and i did my best for them. But they kind of disrespect it but when my brother did a little thing they would brag and so proud of them. Other people said that when i get marry someday they would miss me so much because theres none people cook for them and helping them anymore they just smile. My parent know that im the smartest and wiser between 3 of us. They always discuss crucial things with me before they take decision and often they follow my idea and advice. They seldom discuss it with my brother.They make me so sad and sometime jealous of my own brother. I feel used.
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female
reader, LonelyTomboy  +, writes (7 November 2015):
Are you from a culture or religion where women are "contained" into a stereotype? For long in China, for example, men earned honour by going to war, and women by bearing sons who will grow up to go to war. If you notice your mom never speaks when your father has visitors, this might very much be the case. Your mom is only trapping you because she was also trapped, and believes that she should take it out on you because it was taken out on her. Her sons, however, get special privileges for being boys, even if they don't deserve them. Does your dad have his own business? Maybe he wants to make his sons partners in the business, but not you, because he believes a male figure is the better representative of the business. This is called sexism.You can't change this. If it is woven into your family's culture, there is little that arguing can help. If you want a better life, showing them they are wrong is the only way: marry your fiancé and build yourselves a good life. Once your mom is proven wrong, she will have no more to nag about- or she will nag over nothing, which just shows how pointless her opinion is.Don't warn her that you will prove her wrong. She might try to sabotage the marriage. Just survive until the wedding.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2015): The way your parents treat you is wrong! In fact, it's atrocious, mentally abusive. It makes me very upset to hear that they're treating you that way. My mother treated me badly so I understand where you're coming from and how hurtful it is. It's not right or fair that they're worried only about your brothers' futures and not yours. Are they on some other planet? Their views remind me of ancient times when the daughters were expected to be taken care of by a husband and only the sons could inherit assets. Someone needs to tell them that it's 2015. And their type of thinking is not acceptable.I think you should continue to express your feelings about these matters to your parents. It probably won't do any good, because they seem to be locked in an out-dated frame of mind, and sexism apparently dominates their thinking (your father is probably abusive to your mother as well), but, stand up for yourself. Tell them that you're not inferior in any way, because you're a woman. You are equal to any man.And become independent of them. Get some education or some job training. Don't depend on your parents or anyone else for your future. You are not second best to anyone. You are a woman and you are strong. You can do anything. Never forget that.
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A
female
reader, Mina_Bhamji  +, writes (7 November 2015):
 It sounds like a culture thing. Men tend to be favoured more than women. But do not take it to heart. Speak to her about it, tell her how you feel. Disregard the things she says that you don't like, if it's not positive thoughts, then block it out. But get her to explain to you why there's a different treatment between the two sexes. you'll get your answers and know how to act from there.
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