A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hello everybody.Not really sure how I'm feeling today.. a bit wierd. To take my mind off of my ex for a while I'm trying to focus on wanting to be with somebody new, as opposed to wanting to be with her. I figured, I can want and want all I like, and as much as I could have a "never say die" approach to my ex, today I feel like she just isn't worth that. I've tried, but she just doesn't want to be with me while we live so far apart (about 200 miles).Anyway. So, I want to be with somebody new. I really miss having the closeness and comfort of having somebody to love and love you back. Unfortunately, I'm not sure it's something I'm going to be able to do very well. I was in a serious and seemingly stable relationship for some time, that I've never really done the "dating" side of relationships. With my ex, it was simple; just talk over the computer every night, and eventually she fell for me. But like I say, that's very different to interacting with people face to face.I'm also not sure I'm going to be very good at gradually going back into a relationship. I've never done it outside of the computer, and it's very different whenever a person is in front of you, not to mention living (hopefully) much, MUCH closer than your last. I worry that I may push too fast, come on too strongly, and such. I desperately want back something I had with somebody else before who has now gone out of my life. I didn't want her to leave, but she has, and now I want something similar.To sum it up: I'm worried I will struggle to meet a girl and gradually make up a relationship due to inexperience outside of the internet. I desperately want a relationship again. I miss my last girlfriend very much, but she isn't coming back, so I feel I need a replacement, so to speak.Can anybody give me their advice? Am I missing/wanting back with my last girlfriend too much to start again? I want to move forward. Because as much as I want her to, she isn't coming back to me.
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my ex, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (5 September 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question While I feel sorry for your friend, that is a comfort to me.
Thank-you, hlskitten! Really! You have helped me through tonight. Thank-you!
xxxxxxx
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (4 September 2007):
 So do i.
My mate, shes 29, so by no means immature, yet still isnt over her ex she split with last december. She is getting there but admits if he came onto her she would find it very hard to say no!
So dont worry.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (4 September 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's nice to know that it's still early days. According to my parents, I should be almost over it by now... I disagree. lol.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (4 September 2007):
Thats normal feelings though Andy. You have a void at the moment so you're a bit lonely. Nothing wrong with that and nothing unusual.Life sucks at times. Its always crap when it hits you that all the plans you had arent gonna happen.You're grieving.Give yourself a break and dont be so hard on yourself. Remember all the stages are normal, shock, depression, anger, depression...usually (but not always) in that order.Its when they go on too long you need to maybe speak about it to a counsellor but its still early days for you hun.C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Andy, Andy, Andy. Most of the aunts have addressed your postings at one time or another. I'm glad to see that you've decided to start looking around again. Tha was what most of the aunts suggested months ago. You are a very charming young man. You won't have any difficulties hooking up with a lovely lady. Just relax and be yourself. Try to focus on who you are with and not think about failed relationships that in the past. But mainly RELAX, you worry too much Buddy!
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (4 September 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSure, I think I will repost it.And you are correct, we met up usually every 7 weeks or so, for about a week, sometimes 2 at a time. Last summer we spent a week together, and then 3 more weeks before going back to College. Back before she broke up with me, we were about 5 weeks away from spending the whole of August together. It would have been so good. It was something I really looked forward to, and then suddenly it was taken away, and my summer was left empty, in comparison to my original plans. I lost my summer, I lost my girlfriend, and now I have (possibly only temporarily) lost all contact with the girl I used to talk to on the phone to every night. I hate how it feels like I've lost so much.Anyway, I'll try to repost this thing.Thank you, hlskitten xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (4 September 2007):
Hi AndySorry, the way i read it was like you were only communicating on line, although meeting 13 times in 2 years is like averageing once every 2 months? Not too sure why you only got 1 answer. If i was you i would ask the question again even. Maybe word it a tad different and hope they approve it. Depends whos on line at the time and maybe shorten it a bit if you can. Maybe people thought of bum thats too long to read hehe. I dont know. Im guessing. Then you might get some more replies.Worth a go.Give it a try.C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (4 September 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't believe I only got 1 answer :( fortunately it's a very good one! :)
You say "internet relationship" but I wouldn't call it that. I still say it was a long distance relationship. Internet relationship implies that we only communicate via Internet. And while we did communicate via Internet and Phone, we met up 13 different times during the 2 years. All the same, I expect a real change when it comes to meeting somebody considerably closer. I only want somebody closer now because it looks as though I'll have to. I want to be with her, but I can't.
Anyway, solid advice, and thanks for your input... But I'd also like more from other people! Where are they all????
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (3 September 2007):
Hi Andy
Its never a good reason to get with someone, to get over an ex. Not saying some fun now n then is bad, but if you really want to 'replace' her, thats where you're more likely to fail with the next one.
Internet relationships (if you can call them that) are waaaaaay different to real life ones and i just know when you meet someone in the real world that doesnt live 200 miles away you are gonna be like wow!!
Im actually quite excited for you! Because you dont know what its like yet and when you have it, you will know what i mean.
You will be fine when the right time comes. You know you wont be getting back with the ex and as an outsider i can see you are better off that not happening.
But i wouldnt go rushing into anything. You need some time to be on your own, if you hate the thought of being on your own, you make bad judgements and settle for anyone. Thats never going to give you anything but grief.
Dont be in such a rush, and try and get out more with mates where you are more likely to meet someone that isnt sat on the pc 24/7
I dont know how long you have been split from the internet girl, but regardless of that, i can tell, you are not ready just yet to move on to someone new. Dont know what any of the other aunts on here think.
We've all tried it at some point and it just doesnt work.
But good luck.
And take care of yourself at the moment. Take time to grieve and adjust to being one. And you will meet someone that you can see when you both want, its gonna be good!
Tc
C xxxxxx
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