A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi,I have a boyfriend that i really love, can't imegine a life without him. He loves me too but he has been cheating on me but like in our country its normal for boys/girls to cheat on each other. All i want to know is we talked about it and he has promised me that he will change becouse he really loves me. Is it true, can cheaters really change? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ANGEL1  +, writes (17 September 2007):
Through personal experience i dont think cheaters change, i gave my ex a second chance after he cheated on me whilst i was pregnant with our son for him to do it twice again. once again while i was pregnant and then again when our son was three months old. He had me completely hoodwinked as he constantly told me he loved me, we had a great sex life and had even booked a 3k holiday away for the family only for it all to be lies. I found out through his phone everytime and he never admitted it always denyed it until i proved he was lying then reluctantly he'd admit it. i have since walked away from this relationship even though i was still desperately in love with him i realised he obviously didnt feel the same. there is something wrong if a person feels the need to cheat and noone deserves to feel the pain of infidelity. It is up to you what you choose to do but i think you deserve better x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Some cheaters can stop. It happens. But it's so rare for a serial cheater to quit that you might as well assume the answer is "no, they can't." Some people stop cheating, and some people also win the lottery. Cheating is never good, but some cases of cheating are a little different than others. For example, some people are totally faithful for 20 years before finally cheating while their marriage is already coming apart. That's A LOT different from a situation where a person just "can't control themselves" from cheating on a regular basis and/or whenever they just think they probably won't get caught. There's a difference between cheating when a relationship is already (emotionally) over, versus just repeatedly cheating with anyone who's around for the phsyical/ego thrill of it.People can stop, technically. But if you're asking this question, you need to assume the answer in the case of your guy is "no." Either you leave him or you tolerate it. If you stay, then no matter how much you might protest it and cry about it and talk about leaving him, you ARE still making a choice to tolerate it.
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A
male
reader, Glennsta  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Im trying to find out the same thing. I was cheated on previously and lied to pretty bad. I guess give them a shot and if they mess up let him/her go. Although it can make you second guess people after getting hurt by something like that
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A
male
reader, cuninglingwist +, writes (3 September 2007):
If you carnt live without him, plus he knows you have already excepted him cheating, and you live in a country that axcepts it, he,s not going to stop! however if you want to take away the stigma of him cheating you need to ask him about how he would feel about your bisexuality and join him, this way you wouldent be cheating but just having fun together with a girl, cheating is about lieing, deceit,and lack of trust that can hurt. having fun together is not!
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (3 September 2007):
 I don't think I can comprehend how cheating on one's partner is normal. It doesn't sound that way to me. Part of me wants to believe that people can change, but part of me knows that cheaters rarely change their ways.
Dv1
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): Just remember the saying, leopards never change their spots, and that applies here. just let him go and get lost. It may be the custom in certain countries, but if you are not happy with it then don't live with it. Just move on and remember, you only live once.Take carexx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): Use condoms if it is usual for men to cheat in your country. If Aids is a problem where you live (sorry I don't recognise your flag) then don't sleep with him again until you have had enough time to be sure or give him up. You need a person who you can trust.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (3 September 2007):
 Hi, Yes people do really change for the ones they love.The same thing has happend to me and i was really hurt.I made my bf aware that of how i felt and i even wanted to seperate from him. He said he was sorry and that he would never do that again,so i gave him another chance and the truth is that he never really has done anything after that. I think some do change and that everyone deserves a second chance.Regards,maile me if you wanna talk
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): If it is socially acceptable in your country as you say, then I highly doubt he will change for you.
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A
male
reader, AndreC.  +, writes (3 September 2007):
 plain and simple hun no they dnt cheaters just love the thrill of cheating I have never cheated but i no plenty of people who do
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A
female
reader, galaxy +, writes (3 September 2007):
Hi honey,
sorry to put the dampners on it,cheaters very rarely quit cheating,especially if they seem to get away with lightly.Make sure your clear to him and yourself,if this happens again your leaving him,perminatly.Best advice is to get to the root of what drove him to cheat in the first place. If he really loves you and wants to make a mends,he sit down with you and open up,trick is communication,without that your be going round and round in circles.Once you both sus out what went wrong your on the road to recovery.Your relationship may need slight adjustments,ie instead of him going out alone to pubs and clubs ect you go out too,not nessisarily stuck together like siamese twins but arrange to meet up at the end of the night to go home together,reduces the risk of walking someone else home.Silly little things like this make a whole world of difference,try it you've got nothing to lose. Good luck...
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (3 September 2007):
 I think before we talk about whether or not cheaters can change, I think it's important to decide whether or not you will give him the CHANCE to show you he has changed. Many times people do things they later regret - are truly sorry and want to show people that they are a changed person. However, no one gives them the chance because "once a cheater, always a cheater" or "once a thief, always a thief". But if we aren't willing to accept the 'possibility" of person being able to change, how will we know if they have gained the capacity to change?
So, the question becomes - are you willig to accept the 'possibility' that he has gained the capacity to change? Or will you decide that since he has cheated on you before, he is more than capable of cheating again?
Remember this, there are people out there who believe their partner does NOT have the capacity to cheat - but find out later that their beloved partner does indeed have the capacity to do something so hurtful. Then there are people who swear their partner has cheated only to find out later that their partner never has cheated and really doesn't have the capacity by which to bring themselves to cheat.
So, to me, I think it's possible for the cheater to change. Just like it was possible for my wife, whom I thought would never cheat on me, did. It's possible.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (3 September 2007):
 Hi
Sometimes yes.
My uncle cheated on my aunt and even left her for 3 years but they got back together a couple of years ago and are fine now.
My grandad used to cheat on my nan, in those days women put up with a lot but he wouldnt dream of doing it now and they are in their 80's.
It can be much harder to trust someone again more so than be cheated on again.
Depends if you can learn to forgive and you have both addressed why he cheated in the first place. If you dont do that, you're onto a loser really in the long run.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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