A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Recently I has a conversation with the man I've been involved with for quite some time. The topic was as to why he disappears for extended periods of time for no apparent reason.The end result was him telling me that when things got too emotionally intense and too close for his own personal comfort he would run and hide.The last thing he made a comment on was that he wouldn't be taking any more extended "vacations" (disppearing acts) because it was too "unhealthy" for him. I'm taking him saying 'unhealthy" as to mean too painful to stay away.What does anybody else think? Is my logic right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Yes Sweetie~My initial and only interpretaion is identical to yours~
A
female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Yes, I agree with Aunt Honesty here. I think it is a great thing that you want to delve deeper and unearth the psychological make up of your sig. other, but the whole situation does seem very centered around him.
Has he apologized to you, tried to ask you how you feel about his disappearing acts? It just seems odd that he leaves and says that its his fear of intimacy but when he comes back into the picture he's just talking about himself and not doing anything to soothe your worries or frustrations. I would probably have to know more detail to understand the complexities of your relationship, and I'm sure it goes further than my simplification.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): a man disappearing for periods of time? His behaviour sends out red flag warnings to me. At the very least he's not coping with open communication and honesty very well. Why can he trust you to talk it over before he runs off again. Does he provide a land line phone number where he can be contacted? Where does he go, where does he stay or sleep? Extended absences? He's sure not happy with your company 100% of the time. Another woman is the most likely reason. And too painful to discuss? Why? Because now he's regretting losing the other woman? And he's going to stop? That's his claim, for now. The real reason for the absences? Easy: he's been dropped by the other woman. But the vacations will resurface when he finds another woman. He's far too secretive. And trying to maintain two concurrent relationships and hoping each woman doesn't find out must be really tough, though i have no sympathy for him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): I agree with aunt honesty. Has he ever stopped to think about how you feel? if you want a relationship I'd say to talk to him about it, i think you should start calling the shots and see how he reacts.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (30 October 2010):
 The last comment he made was that he wouldn't be taking any MORE extended "vacations" because it was too "unhealthy" for him...." I believe wholeheartedly this GUY IS A ADDICT! And he has come to believe, that his love for you is far better than the lifestyle. He was "Disappearing.and living undercover without you having a clue! And he's right! It is very painful life.Well,I'm in a known recovery program, And where I come from people who disappear for" NO APPARENT REASON" are people who are either doing drugs or who are married and only come out to play with people who do drugs, most women who do drugs are also prostitutes,so I have heard that EXCUSE before, while I was using And I heard it before I wasn't using.I think he's "THE ADDICT" Addict's when they don't meet you on a "DRUG TERRITORY" Then they're ashamed and that's why it's a BIG SECRET, Marriage is common!
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (30 October 2010):
If I were in your situation I would definitely let him do most of the work, calling, making plans to see you etc. It sounds like maybe he felt you were getting to close and he was not ready. Let him be the one to come closer to you.
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A
female
reader, Outspoken1016 +, writes (30 October 2010):
 That one is tricky because he could mean that the mini vacations are unhealthy because he is doing stuff he should not be doing.
But really it's simple ask him. Does he love you? Will he ever love you? If you were to leave would he care?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do know that in the past he's been deeply hurt in past relationships with other women BUT I have also told him that it was totally unfair on his part to make me pay the price for what another woman had done to him.
These are his issues and at this point all I can do is continue to be the person I have always been towards him.
Hopefully sooner or later he'll start to see that not all women are out to screw him after he tells them how he hoenestly feels about them.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Hmm it sounds like that could be right yes, but its obvious that he is scared of commitment and that is why he does these disappearing acts as it sounds like he doesnt know how to handle his own feelings. but he also sounds a little selfish by saying its unhealthy for him what about you? Surely he can see that this is not fair on you either.
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