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anonymous
writes: My husband thinks he may be gay. The problem with this is that he has never had any thoughts about this before and has never fancied or even thought of being with a man before. The thought of this kind of sex disgusts him. I have found out the other person who has 'attracted him' (whilst he was depressed) is actually gay himself. After talking to my eldest son about this (his lifelong friend is gay) I was horrified to learn that there are 'recruiters' out there that try and sway the straight man over. His friend told me to beware. This has all happened in the space of approx. 5 weeks - Can people change so drastically overnight?? My husband is so depressed - he has never questioned his masculinity before - ever. This guy has even convinced him it must be in his 'makeup' and he can't change that??!! It's kind of like 'brainwashing' from what I can understand - and a gay guy has a knack of being able to attract a straight man and actually gets 'points' if his achieves his goal .....Can this be true? It seems very sick to me to screw up someone's mind like this and split up families.Any advice would be much appreciated. I don't know what to do.Please help!
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reader, bluebird +, writes (15 May 2005):
While there are probably people out there that believe they can convert someone or recuit them to being gay or straight it simply isn't true. I have no doubt that your husband is feeling depressed and probably confussed. He needs to get away from anyone who is trying to convince him that his sexuality is one way or another. He needs to consider seeing a counselor alone and the two of you should see someone together. The man he is speaking with is a jerk and thinking of nothing but his pants. While he is a symptom of the problem, he is not the whole problem. If it weren't a man it could have been a woman. Your husband has some real issues to work out and talking to someone will be the best way to do it.
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reader, Dear auntie +, writes (14 May 2005):
I do belive that people cannot be recruited into another sexuality. I know people who were married in heterosexual relationships then left for a gay lover, but that is not the same. I think that if you are gay you are gay. I suspect that when your husband was depressed, he felt that talking to this man posed no threat. He was not going to read him the macho act or nag him like a woman might (and we have all done that, be honest). I do think that your husband found some comfort in this alter-ego that was available at just the right time. You must explain to your husband that you are confused and afraid and you need to tell him that honesty with you is paramount right now. You may not like what you hear, but you need to make him realise that what he is doing affects everyone.
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reader, star3482 +, writes (14 May 2005):
it sounds like he is being brainwashed but why is he listening to the gay guy? why dont you make sure he breaks contact with the gay guy and do things more together as a couple. if he's never had any sexual thoughts towards men before its highly unlikely that he will just turn gay now- i have a lot of gay friends and theyve always known they were gay, it was just a matter of accepting it. it looks like this guy is taking advantage of your husbands depression.
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