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anonymous
writes: I need some advice. I am a 41 yr old mother of 2 boys. I have been in a relationship for 6 years. We are not married. We have been fighting a lot and he doesn't get along too well with my youngest child. I am debating on staying with him or not. He did cheat on me within the first year we were living together and for some stupid reason I took him back. A week ago a former fiance' went to my parents house looking for me. We were together for over a year 7 years ago. He also cheated on me and married her. They are in the process of a divorce. I did call him. Curious as what he had to say. He wants me back. It took a long time to get over him. Which I know I never truly got over him. He has apologized over and over again for what he did to me. He is 51. Said that he has gotten older and more mature and that his 6 year marriage to his wife was a mistake. He has thought about me over the years and couldnt wait to find me. He is promising that he does not want to play games with me he just wants to be with me. Tells me he knows that he hurt me and wants to take it very slow so I can build trust for him again. I do not know what to do. I do know my first decision has to be with I am going to do in my first relationship. I am not a cheater nor will I ever do that to someone. My problem is, do I believe the ex? Do I trust him? I mean it flatters me to no end to see that he has come back for me and missed me a great deal. What do I do?
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reader, Dear auntie +, writes (14 May 2005):
To be blunt I would cut your losses. Whatever you felt for these guys in the past is damaged and gone. The 51 year old may have suddenly found himself high and dry and I don't mean to upset you, but you sound like the comfort zone. You deserve so much more. On the subject of your kids, they argue whether the person is dad or step-dad. Try to keep your kids out of the equation. If your current guy is worth his salt you will work through the kid problem. The affair will have to be a gimme, as you took him back. What do you really want? Don't consider anyone else at this stage. Just be honest.
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