A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 16 and so is my girlfriend. We have been together for just under 11 morths and are thinking about having sex. We are both virgins. But, she is worried that she isn't a virgin because one her ex boyfriends poked in a past relationship and she thinks I won't love her as much if our first time isn't OUR first time. Ofcourse I love her and I always will until the day I die, but I was just wondering if anyone could clear this up for us.Is she a virgin if she has been poked?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): You sound mature and responsible couple.
Talk about it. She is still a virgin but feels guilt that she has done more than nothing. You need to reassure her that all is well. That you don't mind her having previous experiences like being fingered and that it was no different than her (or any other virgin) fingering herself.
Maybe her ex broke her hymen? You need to ask her. As long as she hasn't had sex before, the absence of the hymen is just going to make sex more enjoyable for her (i.e. should be less painful etc.)
I think the best thing to do is suggest that you poke her then it should make it less of a big deal for her. be careful with your approach though :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): This is what I think is going on with your girlfriend:
She got fingered in the past and now she is afraid that she won't bleed her first time with you. Because you are a virgin, she is afraid that you will judge her for not being a virgin.
Let's say she fingered herself and it wasn't someone else, but her hymen was broken...would she still be a virgin to you?
I understand virginity is a heavy word and supposed to be "meaningful", but it's a lot of significance to put on a piece of tissue. Some people don't even bleed their first time. People used to barter virginity when they gave women away as wives...Now, virginity is becoming a business platform. You can now have a surgical procedue to create a false hymen before a wedding.
If you do have sex with her, she will not alter afterwards, she will be the same person. I understand you are both virgins, but wny not focus on the meaning of the experience, not technicalities of her virginity.
If you love her and accept her despite the fact that she was intimate to a degree with another man, why should a broken hymen ruin your experience?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 A poke as in I poke you with my finger? Or a poke as in a guy pokes my vagina with his penis? Define "poke".
Now if this guy poked her and went in her vagina thus breaking her hymen then she is no longer a virgin. Even if it's an inch or two, a little to no blood.
At 16-17 your girlfriend should have already taken Sex Education, so I'm pretty certain she would know if she was a virgin or not. You don't have to have intercourse, but have a penis penetrate you, you are not a virgin anymore.
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A
female
reader, Aura Answers You!  +, writes (14 January 2011):
My dear,
You need to mind your own business to be honest and reassure this girl that you love her as you say you do. If she isn't a virgin it would be you and only you she has ever loved.. That is more than being or not being a virgin my dear.
I have a son and I would be quite annoyed and I would be telling him this too, so it's not personal okay. However, you are wondering if she is a virgin and she is worried are you going to love her if she isn't. That is nonsence to be honest. You are both responsible and are thinking about giving each other a gift that you can't replace or forget... you should be thinking of romantic places you will share together and where you are going to eat and where you will end the night together.... that is more important my dear.. So suck it up and behave responsible and caring to your lady reassure her that it doesn't matter.. You can start by buying her something nice her which is a start in the right direction and because of all this unnecessary issue(s) you can delay your loving night for perhaps 2 months so both of you are ready to start a fresh without yesterdays.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Virginity is lost when she first chooses to have sex with someone. She doesn't need to sweat about a physical part of her body getting inadvertedly hit with a finger or something in the past.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (14 January 2011):
Poked?? That is a new one on me! Do you mean poked as in, he put his finger inside her? If that is what you mean, then your girlfriend is still a virgin!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): What do you mean by "poked?"
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