A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:While I am out at work my girlfriend does nothing all day except chat to guys and flirt on the internet. I have found out about this now for the fourth time in a year. We almost broke up for good, and now I find she is doing it yet again. It is hard to find out why she is doing it or what is wrong, because she says she isnt doing it. I also know she has been on dating sites because a friend of mine saw her profile with her picture on it. I dont live with her but I still give her money and sleep at hers every night. We are supposed to be getting engaged and one day starting a family, but I cant see that happening anymore. Beside this, everything else about her seems okay. I am 29, she is 27. Is it worth being with her or is it just because she is bored in the house that she does it?
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at work, broke up, engaged, flirt, money, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): I think she is simply keeping her options open. If something better comes along, you may be on your ass. I would get out of it because she is being sh*t to you. She may be hot to you, but to others she won't be. She wouldnt need the internet otherwise.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): Maybe she doesnt know what she wants and never will until you get fed up and leave. Is she really worth the stress of it all?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): Make no mistakes, your girlfriend has no feelings for anyone but herself. Has it not occured to you that her internet activity has been going on far longer than you have known her? Have you checked she has no hidden mobile phones? Web cams? I think you need to get away from that one very soon. You cannot do much worse no matter who you go on to meet.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 November 2012):
End this one. She has no respect for you at all.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Yeah she might be bored. There may be something missing in your relationship. She may even feel neglected. Nothing excuses her disrespectful cheating behavior though. There are ways to sort things out without cheating. Most of the time neglect and boredom are only ever mentioned when you are caught cheating. Dont accept anymore of her shit because she is using you.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (1 November 2012):
What she is putting you through is abusive. Looking for reasons for her behavior says you are trying to hang on. Forget it. She is who she is. She does not care what you think, she wont have even thought about that. Make an exit now and dont go back.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (1 November 2012):
If you are in a committed relationship then there are no reasons or excuses to be flirting online or registering on dating sites. I, and a lot others, would class this as a form of cheating. You almost broke up once and she is still doing it. I think that says everything really.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (1 November 2012):
 If this is how much respect she has for you now, then just think what she will be like in another 5 years.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): I would not try and discuss your feelings with her because all your thoughts and feelings will go unheard. She will not be interested. What goes through the mind of someone like her is not worth thinking about. I would advise you to leave the woman as soon as possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): There is possibly an excitement that chatting on-line and joining dating sites is giving her. That is, her own secret life no one but her knows about, also newness each time she speaks/meets someone. It is something that`s not available in a real long term one to one relationship. If not, then she is trying to find your replacement. I would think very carefully about what she has to offer you. It is her, not you. In the same situation as you, i would have left her a long ago.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (1 November 2012):
 I have been in your situation. I feel sorry for you, because I understand the anxiety, paranoia and confusion you will be going through right now. Whatever her real reasons are, only she will know. It is important to understand that it is her fault and not yours. Her behaviour is extremely hurtful and narcissistic. I would advise you to leave her and not think about it any further.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Hi
Well I would be bored if at 27 I was home all day, however she has you, so Dating sites are a definate no.
You can catch her out with a bit of detective work, set up a false profile on the same dating site.Thats if she refuses to own up.
It doesn't sound like she's marriage material to me,shes contributing nothing,making no effort to build a future with you.She should be working even part-time or training.
You can try talking to her about how she feels but I don't think you will get an honest response,she has you around so won't want to jeapordise her status until or unless she meets somebody new.
I would try to find out what she is up to first and if she has or would ever met up with any of these men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Yes she is bored - with you.
Sounds like she's looking for a new man but in the meantime is keeping you around because you pay her.
Yes besides this everything else is fine. Its like saying apart from the fact that she is planning her exit strategy and you're now highly insecure and anxious, everything is fine. Its fine until it falls apart. Then you'll wonder what happened since everything was fine.
Why would you even consider marrying and starting a family with her?
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Clearly there is a lot going on in your relationship that you need to get clarity on before you proceed down the marital aisle.
First off, is your girlfriend's dating profile active? Maybe she left it active without canceling it after meeting you. If she is logging in with some frequency, it definitely shows to me that she has other motives. Perhaps your friend can do some detective work for you to see just how active she is.
Secondly, your woman is a kept woman. With you giving her money, she isn't of her free will. She knows if she moves on she'll lose out on her meal ticket. So she can't be honest with you and most importantly herself as to whether she is in this for love or money.
Finally, it does sound like your girlfriend is bored. Does she not work? Does she have any useful hobbies? At 27, she should be establishing herself in a career or helping earn money so that she can help provide for you and your future plans (house, kids, cars, etc).
I would certainly look at putting on some sort of tracking software on your PC just to see what her activities are. With some detective work, you can also look at her browser history. I think this will give you some insight into what her behavior is like.
Finally, I would urge you to have a heart to heart with her and explain your fears and concerns. You want a loyal woman who is dedicated to just you. Don't EVER settle for less.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): No, your girlfriend is getting online because she is not a very good girlfriend and has managed to get away with it for so long.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Why isn't she working, or learning new skills, becoming independant? Its fine that you give her money, if you are staying at her place every night she will be incurring costs. But how else does she live? is she totally supported by you even though you dont live together and are not married.
As for the chatting and flirting online all day, I wouldn't accept that from somebody I was supposed to be in a committed relatioinship with.
I think its time you two sat down and had a serious discussion about what committment means and what each other's expectations are.
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