A
female
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*ELLULAH
writes:Hi all,I have a question that I would like some veiws on.Yesterday afternoon, I met a friend and her husband in the pub and was invited to go back to dinner. This couple are our close friends,(he was left by his wife for another man) and we often socialise with them. The guy is the same age as my partner and myself, but the girl is 10 years younger. lets call them Adam and Eve.Eve was dressed in a very short Mini skirt and thigh lenght high heeled boots. Not always her attire, but getting that way. She also recently had a boob job that went horribly wrong, and she had to have the implants taken out. She is still very sore, but her partner is insisting that she goes through the procedure again, even though she is a 34C natuarally. I dont think she would of dreamed of having it done if he hadnt persuded her in the first place.She told me a couple of weeks ago that she didnt feel comfortable dressing the way he liked her to.And the night before last, he made her wear the short skirt thigh length boots, and stockings, and go to the pub like it. She said to me privately that she really hated it.Well! when we were sitting over dinner, we were talking about clothes and shoes, and what I had wore to a party the night before. I told them a new dress and high heels, very covered up, but classy and sexy.Adam says, "No it should be! Tit's out and the shorter the skirt the better"I completely disagree, you dont need to look like a hooker to be sexy. Dont get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wearing that kind of outfit when you go to a night club. But to go to the park Kitting? with your kids.I was accused of being Jealous. Not by her, but the guys.I was actually trying to protect my friend, but she is obviously, scared of speaking her mind.Adam says, all guys love women to dress like this. And that no guy would turn down a woman that looks like that. I said, "well if you want men to look at your wife as a peice of meat, I suppose your right".I dont feel that I am jealous in any way, clothes are my life, and I love making women look good. I have been told many times how good I dress.But I guess I feel am I wrong and he is right. Should my mate be dressed like this every day?.Just interested to hear opinion'sXX Tellulah
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female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 She should dress how she wants to dress. She needs to speak up for herself and tell him off. If he touches her violently, then she should just get a divorce because he sounds like an ass anyway. It's her body, not his and he needs to realize it. She is an independent female, not a dress up doll. She has a mind and a will of her own. Your friend just needs to decide. She has to stop being a victim and fight for herself.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 I think that Adam has a few hang-ups about his wife leaving him for another man. He now has a younger woman and wants to show her off, probably for the ego boost. It's tacky when a man pimps out his woman to make himself look good, even MORE so when he is insisting that she have a boob job when hers are more than enough, especially when she has had trouble with one set of implants and he's insisting she do it AGAIN? She sounds kind of wimpy. Isn't it her body? He's has control issues, Wow.
My daughter is 22, blonde and 34C. She can work a turtleneck and a pair of overalls, and has enough trouble walking around without wearing hooker outfits. She's in fashion school in London, so, you and she probably dress similarly. She has never dressed that way, like you have stated, it's only for clubbing. Young girls get fed up pretty quicky with the crap they have to take from rude men if they dress like that. I'm pretty sure that my 26 year old son would think your friend was desperate to dress that way, or actually a hooker. ALL men will look, but most of them them wouldn't touch, they'd just laugh and watch the spectacle.
At what age is she going to tone it down? I just spent a vacation with a 40+ woman that wore tube tops to go along with her implants, and my husband and my nickname for her was "Boob-a-liscious", MAINLY because neither of us could remember her name once we met her chest, her name went RIGHT out the window! LOL! My husband was quite disturbed by it, he said, "She is an attractive woman with a pretty face, why would she do that to her body?".
And what's with his statement - Any guy would want a woman like this? It's not a contest - and frankly, it's the women who get to decide anyway! He just wants everyone to admire him and think that he's a big stud! Woo, look what I"m sleeping with. Is he old enough to be having a mid-life crisis? 35+?
It sounds like you might have outgrown your friends. That happens. People change... AND then again, some don't, like this group. I wouldn't worry about thinking that I was in the wrong with how I dressed or if I was jealous, I'd be more inclined to really wonder about this group of people and their values because they were so out of sync with my own. You sound like a woman who knows her own mind, don't let your so-called friends drag you down to their level. If you can get her alone, that would be the time to take her shopping and talk her out of another set of implants. It sounds like she needs a good friend like you.
And like Uncle Phil said, if your boyfriend went along with this and said you were acting jealous, give him a kick up the backside! Well, that's my rant for the day!
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (21 January 2008):
TELLULAH is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks all, especially Phil.
My partner is a man, so yes he would look at a girl dressed like that. He would only want me to dress like it, if it was for him only, at home. He actuallyt thought that I looked really nice when we went out. Even though I was covered up.
But that was my point to my mate Adam. If his own friends are looking at his wife like that, and they know that she is not a tart. Then what the hell are other guys thinking.
Sadly, I think that although they have only been married for a couple of months, the cracks are already starting to appear. I have tried to get her out on her own, for a bit of a Girly chat, and some shopping, but she wont go anywhere without him. Wont! or is not allowed too, I'm not sure which.
I will always stick up for my mates, but unless she says No to him, I'm not sure what else I can do. I know for a fact that she is not comfortable dressed like that, but will not admit it in front of him.
Adam is a lovely guy on the whole, he is really kind and very funny. But I think as his last relationship ended badly after a lot of years together. He is trying to prove a point that he can get a younger model to do everything he asks.
I cannot interfere with thier relationship, but I can speak my mind. And I have told him that, if she wants to dress like that, thats her choice. But she should be doing it for herself and not anyone else.
I think the argument will go on.
Thanks all,
XX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): You're right - he's VERY wrong.
Sure, if there's a woman in the pub with her skirt up round her arse, flashing her stocking tops and knickers with her tits on display she'll get a lot of attention. What bloke wouldn't stare at it? I'd probably be among the first. I'd also probably be thinking in my minds eye that I'd like to take her out the back and give her one up against the wall because she looks like she's asking for it.
But is dressing like that sexy? In a funny kind of way, yes. Attractive? No. Would I want to be seen out with a woman dressed like that? Absolutely not!
What lies above my partner's knees and below her neck is for my appreciation only, and for other men to only guess at what's underneath. It's far sexier to give just a hint of what's there. She doesn't have to let it all hang out to be either attractive or sexy, and my assessment of a woman that dressed like that would be that she's as common as muck. I guess that's how Eve feels about herself.
I think she'd be a hell of a lot better off without this insensitive git called Adam. He's probably got low self-esteem and is trying to boost it by showing off his woman as if to say "look what I've got", thereby taking attention away from himself and his own shortcomings.
Regarding Adam's statement that no guy would turn down a woman dressed like that, he's very wrong there too. If it was me I'd be afraid of catching something nasty. You're right about her being viewed as a piece of meat. That's exactly how most men would see her, and I guess that includes Adam!
Trust me, you've got nothing to be jealous about, and if your partner so much as hinted that you were, if I were in your shoes I'd have clobbered him round the head with my handbag when I got him home and given him a proper roasting!
Phil
XX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): She is being controlled by this guy - he has her like a 'doll' all dressed up just the way he likes her and as for the boob job..... awful. Its as if he has his male ego boosted when his mates see him with her (You can almost hear the comments "Oh yeah mate I'd giv 'er one") He has made her feel as though she is not going to keep him happy unless she does all this. It is so obvious. My view is that if she wants to be with a man like this then she should carry on.... but it will take a lot to move her on from this controlling guy. If you are a real friend of hers (and I mean the sort that will be totally honest in a caring way) then I think you should meet up with her and have a heart to heart. Tell her what you feel and by scratching the surface she may divulge more about his attitude in other areas. He sounds like the kind of disrepsectful bloke that wouldn't care what she went through as long as he got his way. Be supportive but I think it is your role to support HER but not in his presence. Just one last point..... maybe you should see just her as friends and boycott seeing them as a couple? Not sure if this is feasible but I personally would feel repulsed and uncomfortable spending any of my precious time with that kind of low-life bloke.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): Hi Tellulah,
I feel hunny if she is being pressured to dress this way its not right, What have you got to be jealous about? If you so desired you could wear this kind of outfit but you choose to wear what makes you feel sexy and thats the way it should be love, Your friend adam seems to be making his girl dress like this for his own benifit and wanting her to have a boob job again when things went so wrong is dangerous for her. She has told you she isnt comfortable wearing stuff like this she is scared to tell him maybe for fear of loosing him, Personally if a guy of mine told me to get a boob job and dress anyway that made me uncomfortable I would think he was only interested in himself and what makes him happy, Id be out the door my ex was like this and it was degrading and horrible so I think your doing right by sticking up for her, She just needs the confidence to tell him straight love TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 Neither of you are wrong. It is just the male and the female perceptions of what attracts differs .Not all men are like Adam who goes for those sexy attires. No doubt, a female who dressed sexily can get all the looks.
A female who dressed well can be a beautiful sight. She can look elegant, stunning and sexy too.
I feel sorry for your mate who has to dressed that way to satisfy the man's ego.He just wanted to show off her assets to his friends.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (21 January 2008):
A self respecting woman wouldn't dress like Eve. Sounds to me like she is being manipulated and pressured into dressing how Adam wants her to dress. Its bad enough that hes trying to force her into dressing what he thinks is best, but when its like what you described, thats just even worst.
I think that maybe Eve is insecure. I think this because it seems she lacks self respect and is in a relationship where she is being controlled and usualy people who are in controling and abusive relationships are very insecure.
I think Adam is very wrong, some men would turn a woman who looks like that. Not all guys are like that, some do want a woman with self respect and quite a few would be anoyed having guys see their gf's half naked.
So yes, I do think you are right and he is wrong. If you were wondering what you could do to help your friend, I'm sorry but I really dont know. Maybe that could be another question.
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A
female
reader, tj1091 +, writes (21 January 2008):
I totally agree with you, Eve should dress how she wants to, not how someone else says she should. If Adam respected her at all, he would want her to be comfortable with the way she looks. It sounds like she isnt very confident and he is a bit pushy. Try to encourage your friend to do what makes her comfortable, and ignore the guys calling you jealous. They are just being men, wanting all women to look like that!
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