A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a relationship for about 3 years.the last few months another man came to my life.the problem is that i don't want to lose neither of the two.both men are in love with me and so am i.What am i supposed to do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Moviefan  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 Compare the 2 and consider which is more compatible with you, which has a better future and all that sort of thing. But if you could stay with someone for 3 years and be happy i wouldnt be so quick to throw that away, you oviusly are happy with him and are very compatible. If it was me i would loose the new guy and keep the old.
Hope i helped.
A
male
reader, Pig  +, writes (21 January 2008):
Drop the new guy. You can't just dump somebody if you love him especially for 3 years. You are just confused but I think that the new guy has to go. Just try to all the contacts with him. It'll be hard at first but worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): If I were in your shoes...I would sit back and think about both men long and hard. And base your decision not just on heartfelt feelings but on common sense and rationale. Dating someone has a purpose usually and that is to finding a good life mate. So if you are looking for the best person for your future which could possibly mean, marriage, family and strong committment. Marriage is wonderful but it has it's huge challenges when kids, house mortgages and bills come into the big picture. Take what you know..and decide on the man who would fit that bill. Look at your past history with both men.
Ask yourself some questions. Which one is most reliable? Which one will be an exemplary father to your children? Which one will be there for you-over the long haul? Be careful here because sometimes women will make the wrong decision, in their inner battle of choosing between two men. So how do you choose. You choose the man that you feel is most dependable, the one that will always honor you, respect you and love and cherish you, forever. Good luck and let us know what you decide, dear.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): I have been in the situation where I've loved two women, so can empathise with you! It may seem a nice arrangement for a while (cometimes years!), but, ultimately, you know you're going to have to make a choice (if you don't you'll risk losing both or continue living a stressful anguished double life). This will take courage, but will also show you respect the other people (unless they're happy with the arrangment!). Maybe in time one or the other will be a friend (maybe not) - whatever's meant to be will be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): eventually you will have to choose one.i know is difficult for you but decide before is too late and hurt both of them..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): This is a really hard one, and I've been in the exact same situation. You can't possibly put both first in your life, and that's really what being in love requires. I know it's awful but somewhere along the line you're going to have to make a choice or the ones you love are going to suffer for it. I'm guessing that neither of the two men you love knows about the other. It's always important to bear in mind that there's the possiblity that one or both will find out what's going on and you will lose both of them. Whatever you do, don't let this happen.I guess what I have learnt most from being in that situation is that by trying to love both and be there for both, and worrying about which to choose, you end up losing sight of yourself and never really being happy. The first thing to consider is probably gut instinct, if you were forced to choose right now which would you choose(imagining that neither would be hurt)? If you can do that, then is it the case that you love the newest man romantically and want to be with him, but care about your boyfriend of 3 years and don't want to hurt him?There's a lot to weigh up, but I'd say also bear in mind that you know you have a long term relationship that works and you're happy with with your boyfriend. With new relationships, although you can be overwhelmed and feel deeply in love, it's possible that the you and the other man don't know each other as well and aren't as well suited. relationships are complicated and although it seems wonderful at the start, it's not guarenteed that you'll have the same success in the second relationship as you have for the past 3 years. in the long term he may not be as good for you. what do you want from your relationship in the future? which of the two wants the same thing? if there's big differences between your plans for the future and one of their plans, then this is something to consider. how is your relationship with your boyfriend of 3yrs? have you had lots of problems, if so you might be clinging on to the relationship because you care about him and you don't want to lose him, when really it isn't working anymore. Or is the relationship very happy, and perhaps the excitement and passion of a new relationship (that maybe isn't as strong after three years with your boyfriend) is causing you to lose sight of what you have.Really I don't think anyone can give you any advice other than help you to talk through all these things and work through all the facts in detail. you need to talk through with a friend the exact situation in both relationships. i will say, don't feel bad about yourself for feeling this way about both men. From experience I know that you probably didn't choose to feel this way, and can't help being in this situation. best of luck, i hope you're happy with the choice you make in the end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): I don't know which one you should choose, but you must either choose one or choose neither, but you must make a choice and quit stringing them both along. What you are doing is not fair and you are playing a game with both of them and that is unacceptable. These are both people who have feelings involved and it is not cool to toy with people's feelings. Men like women who are righteous and honest and who know exactly what they want. So if you keep putting these qualities aside, perhaps both of these men will be the ones who dump you. So I would start acting like I know what I want and make a choice and fast. And stick to it.
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (21 January 2008):
 Have you tried a two way relationship? Ask both of them to come talk with you, all three parties together. Talk with them about how to feel and how they feel and ask them for suggestions about what to do. However, I am the sort of person who would freak if my boyfriend of three years came up to me and told me that he had fallen for another person a few months ago. I would be extremely hurt and I would feel that somehow it was my fault that I hadn't kept his love or had done enough to keep his interest. Look inside yourself for the answer. Do you really love this new person or is it just a passing fancy? Do you still really love your current boyfriend or is the only thing keeping you with him security and stability? Take time to find your answer.Follow your heart and still use your head.
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