A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been with my fiancée for over two years. Usually he’s charming and sweet. He has a mean streak though. He feels entitled like I should pay for everything cause he makes less money. If we have a disagreement. He says to shut up , and insults me. If I try to talk about how I feel , if I ask him to communicate better he will say , yes teacher, or yes God. Or he asks me if I think I’m God. It really bothers me. I’m not used to this treatment. Is this emotional abuse?
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emotionally abusive, fiance, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2019): Abuse involves power and control. He is definitely a jerk and he does not love and respect you. You should not waste any more of your time.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 March 2019):
 The important thing here is not what WE think but how he makes YOU feel and how you want to spend the rest of your life.
How DO you feel when he talks down to you and mocks you like that? When he demands you pay for stuff because you are more successful than him and, therefore, have more money? Does his treatment of you make you feel loved and respected and treasured, as it should, or does it make you feel powerless and abused? I am guessing the latter, otherwise you would not have posted on here.
So the next question is, why are you with him? This is a genuine question because people have different reasons for staying in unhealthy toxic relationships. Are you afraid of being alone? Has he convinced you that you will not find someone better than him?
It is your choice whether you stay with him and allow him to carry on disrespecting you in this way (which will, in all likelihood, get worse the longer you allow it to happen). It could also be your choice to say "I am worth better than this" and walk away. You KNOW you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 March 2019):
 He feels entitled like you should pay for everything because he makes less money ?.... And what do you do then, do you actually pay for everything ?... I really hope you don't , because what he says makes no sense . I could understand if he said you should pay for a bigger share of common expenses because you earn more, but why in the world should you pay for everything ? What does he plan to do with the money he would be saving ( or he IS saving ) by mooching off you ? And " everything " what , exactly ? Do you even live together, under the same roof ? Or are you supposed to take care of all the costs he incurs in while he lives somewhere else ? Including what , entertainment too ? Clothing , a car ? Drinks, cigarettes, weed , or any other optional, recreational expenses ? Can he not simply cut on the costs of his
" fun " stuff , so that even if he makes less than you he can take care of his own grown-ass adult self ? Why does he not look for better paid jobs, or for working more hours ?... You call him fiance', but are you sure you want to turn into a husband a man that does not seem financially responsible ?
My advise would be to cut ANY monetary help to him whatsoever. Since when you try to talk to him, he disrespects you, mocks you and calls you " teacher "... well, " teach " him. Teach him by your actions, not by words, how he needs to treat women . Let poverty, which is an excellent teacher, teach him, that if he wants to live off you… he has at least to be polite to you !!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (29 March 2019):
 OP, if there is one thing that I could instill in your way of thinking, it would be this. It doesn't matter what anyone else around you thinks, if you are in a relationship and feel mistreated or unhappy in any way, its ok to walk away. Who cares what others think? You have the right to be happy and to be with someone who loves and cares for you.
To answer your question, yes it is emotional abuse. It will not get better and if you chose to stay, it is possible that the emotional abuse could turn into physical abuse. I married someone like your fiance when I was much younger. It was 2 years of hell. It started out with just talking crap to me, putting me down, making me feel badly about myself and then escalated to physical abuse. I was afraid to tell my family. The day he broke my arm I left. It might sound dramatic but it did really happen that way. He could be a very sweet and charming guy when he wanted to be, but he also could be very cruel and hurtful.
He sounds like he is resentful and bitter that you make more money than him and rather than be proud of you and grateful he's trying to punish you and make you feel badly.
This isn't a good relationship and again, I doubt if it will get better. Do yourself a favor and end things. Love yourself my dear enough to want better!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 March 2019):
 I absolutely agree with ALL the aunts and uncles.
This is doesn't respect you, treat you like you OWE him stuff because you are more successful than him and is overall a total TWAT!
WHY are you with him?
He is charming and sweet until what? The bill comes? Or you have an opinion?
You say you are NOT used to this treatment... so WHY accept it from this guy? Because he proposed?
You know once you get married and he has full access to your income you will be up a creek?
He isn't wanting to marry you because he LOVES you or cares about you... you are a possession. He will NOT be more respectful or loving once you marry. Quite the opposite.
I can't but echo the rest of the advice and say, DUMP the TOAD!
Have more SELF-respect and SELF-love than staying with someone like this!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 March 2019):
 He thinks you should pay for everything?? REALLY?? What a leeching little toad! What you make should have ZERO bearing on what you do together or who pays! If someone's in a serious relationship, especially if you two are calling each other "Fiance", then it should be DUTCH unless it's someone's birthday or some special occasion! His demanding or feeling entitled to all you own is disgusting. Imagine what will happen when you marry! It would be utter hell on earth for you.
As for whether or not he's emotionally abusing you, uhh that's a big YES! Equal partners in a disagreement or argument don't tell the other to shut up or use condescending language in the way he's doing to you.
But I would have dropped the freeloader the moment he declared that he'd leech off me like that! I feel the same way about a woman who demands and feels entitled to a guy ALWAYS paying for her as well!
At this point in your mind, it shouldn't be "Should I break up with him?". It should be "How FAST can I kick this guy to the curb and out of my life forever??"
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (29 March 2019):
 This man has no respect for you, why are you even going to marry him, it will only get worse, not better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2019): Yes it is emotional-abuse; and add verbal-abuse as well. If it feels abusive, it's abusive. He doesn't respect your feelings; and when you want to work with him to resolve or correct issues, he insults and dismisses you.
A man with a mean-streak is a deal-breaker, my dear!
Verbal-abuse is an attack through words meant to demean or degrade someone. Emotional-abuse goes a step further; by lowering your self-esteem, making you feel worthless, or helpless. He assumes a superior-stance over you to make you feel submissive to his will. Bringing God's name into abusive-language is blasphemous.
You can see what you have to look forward to in marriage with this man. If this is how it is now, don't expect it to get any better. If he is in the same age-bracket as you are; between 35-40 (or older), he's not going to change.
You had better strongly consider if this is the kind of life you want to live; and if he is the kind of man you want to live it with. It's difficult to be generous with someone who puts you down; and yet will also take your money.
Why did you accept his marriage proposal, if you're treated in such a way?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2019): He sounds like a child.Stay with him only if you are fine with supporting him forever.And yes the way he talks to you is abuse.Maybe it is time to dump the child so you can spend your time finding a real man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2019): No it doesn't sound like he's being abusive, he just sounds like a dick. He doesn't listen to you, he doesn't respect your attempts to improve communication. It doesn't make him abusive, he's just a bit of a tool. These are equally valid grounds to dump someone. Good luck.
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