A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:why does my ex bf breakup, forget me for long time then out of the blue appear when i get a new bf and then disappears out of the blue when i forget about my new bf for him???? This happened 4 times. I know its part my fault but why does he keep doing this???? is that a mental illness thing that he can't control? i think he isn't put together right in his head. the other guys think he's dangerous for me???like he might be fatal and could kill me one day. I feel uncomfortable am I right to feel this way?????
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): Im with caring guy totally!! Id change one thing tho only cause he's done this numerous times...Id call the police even if he hasnt gotten violent. He seems very potentially abusive and he's already manipulative. Dont let the situation boil...he needs a firm message now as he is indeed harassing you. I wouldnt hesitate to contact the police and see what they could do about the matter. this guy needs a wake up call and its past 6am. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2010):
 He likes to play emotional yo-yo with you. He doesn't want to be with you, but he doesn't want you to be with anyone else.
I would think you would have cut him off after the first or maybe second time.. but I seriously think that he is convinced that you like the game too (since you keep playing it.)
If you ever get enough of this guy, cut the contact. If he calls you ignore it, block him number or simply tell him you don't have anything to say to him. Don't let him play you any more.
And maybe stop having rebound guys. If you cheat on guys that easily with your ex, it kind of show that you don't really care for the guy you are dating.
And lastly good luck, accept that he's no good for you and that you DO deserve better.
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 He is dangerous, anyone that needs to continually mess up someone elses life is dangerous.
The other aunts/uncs have said it all already, but you really do need to cut all ties, not answer calls or texts, knowing that the possiblities of him getting angry are high, because of his need to rule your life, so be aware and look out for signs that you are in danger, if you see any of the signs that the others have listed, then go to police, tell your friends and family, so they are vigilant too.
As to why he is doing it, who knows, it could be that he has mental and attachment issues, or it could mean that he is just a nasty bastard who finds it amusing to play with your emotions, who cares tho, he aint good for you, even if in the past you have seen the softer sides of him that are just so bloody adorable, they are an act to get what he wants. The guy is messed up, and its not your place to fix him, and its not right that he has slowly stripped your self esteem so you allow him to weedle his way back in.
Get out, stay out, and live life happy with guys who truly want to make you happy.
Good Luck hon.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 It's not necessarily a mental problem, other than a personality flaw. He is a jealous type that don't want to see you date other men. Thats why every time you find someone new, he suddenly appears, then when he gets his will (you leaving the other man) he will walk away again.
He never wanted YOU! He just doesn't want you to date someone else. It's him being selfish and controlling.
Cut all contact with him, he doesn't want you, so don't fool yourself into thinking he cares two cents about you. He only cares about himself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): The other guys you've dated are right.
If you don't mind me asking why do you let him do this?
You know what's happening, you know it's not good and you know you have to stop it, so why are you letting it continue?
The other posters explained why he does this but I don't think that's important.
Seriously OP tell us why you let him do this when you know it wouldn't be too hard to get rid of him.
You need to stop focusing on why he does what he does and ask yourself why you're doing nothing about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO IMMEDIATELY CUT ALL LINES OF CONTACT WITH THIS GUY! HE IS DANGEROUS! He's what's deemed an extreme pscho-social maniac obsessed with control al of which stems from self hatred thereby he dispaces his self hatred onto you because he abhores your confidence, that which he lacks. He would chant your death.Everytime you surrender to his control, you feed his appetite for self esteem and self worth, both of which are atypically low or maybe even ziltch.It's highly probale that this guy is obsessed with stalking you particulary via the web to keep tabs on your social life. The more info he has about your current affairs the greater advantahgeous he has when it comes to crishing and sinking your battleship.This guy need serious psychiatric intervenrion and the lnger he gets away with his mental illness behavior the worse he will treat you. Your ex is jail bate.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (19 November 2010):
 I'm totally with what "CaringGuy" said!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Well I could only speculate, but he certainly has control issues and only wants what he can't have. When you seem unattainable, he feels the need to prove that he can still get you and be in control. Its more or less normal human psychology to want what you can't have, but that doesn't mean you should put up with him doing this to you and playing havoc with your emotions.
If he shows signs of aggression, stalking, threats or other creepy behavior to you or your boyfriend at the time, that's when you should take this very seriously. Don't be afraid to call the police or get a restraining order. You need to never take him back again and he's not going to like that one bit as he's so used to having his own way. You need to be strong as he will do or say anything to try to get you back, only to walk once he's proved that he's still in control of you.
Let me repeat... NEVER TAKE HIM BACK AGAIN! Don't talk to him, don't email him, severe all lines of contact and absolutely do not let him in the front door!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 November 2010):
He does it to spite you. He doesn't want you in his life. But he doesn't want you to move on. And the worst thing here is that 4 times you've probably been with better guys and fallen for his BS. He can control what he does. In fact, he does control it. To perfection. He's got you wrapped around his finger. You get a man, he comes running, you dump the other man, and then this guy dumps you. You're the one who's not in control, and you need to change that.
Is he dangerous? Will he kill you? I seriously doubt it. If someone's that dangerous, they'll do a lot more than screw your relationship up. This is just the sign of a controlling guy who's not a massive threat.
So, to get to the point:
1) - Cut all contact with your ex, block him, never speak to him again, never listen to his BS, never go back, never believe a word he says.
2) - Don't date any guys until you are over your ex. It's unfair that 4 guys all had to get burned because you're not over this ex. Focus on your own life, your own goals, your own work/study and such. Get over the ex.
3) - On the off chance your ex does get violent, always be prepared to take it to the police. But I'm not sure he will do anything once you stand up.
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