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female
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anonymous
writes:Okay, I'm sorry if this is long.. but I'm really confused. Basically, my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. I am totally and completely in love with him, I can't stay mad at him for longer that a minute, but lately.. something has been affecting our relationship. He lives with his sister in a flat together, and I used to stay round all the time and it was really nice. I started off staying there 3 nights a week, mon wed and friday, and he would stay at mine sat, but then we wanted to see more of eachother. So we went for a whole week, where I stayed at his. It was great and I loved it and he told me he did too. we didn't argue, we didn't get sick of eachother, It was just amazing. But now the days we see eachother have gone back down to three and he doesn't seem to bothered by this at all. I know that seems a lot, but when I'm without him .. I can't think straight and I tried seeing my friends while i'm not with him, so that I could not be staring at my phone all day, but they just say it feels like my mind is always somewhere else, and i still can't bring myself to stop missing him. The reason we have cut down the days is because his sister doesn't want me staying there as much. I kind of understand this as it's her flat too. but she works nights, and he always invites me round on her day off? So i don't see why i can't just go round their when she's gone to work. It seems like a lot of our decisions are based around her. For example, we were talking about our future and how in maybe a year we'd move in together, he told me he'd absolutely love to do this, but he needs to think about his sister and where she'd live.. and it wouldn't be fair to her. It's got me thinking, are they always going to live together. Last night, I really needed him *in the bedroom* if you get what I mean, because We hadn't had sex in a while because his sister is always there. and she had gone to bed. and he was like, we have to wait until she's fast asleep, i can't let her hear us.. and even though i had to get up at 6 ... he woke me up at 3 in the morning, when he'd decided she was definately asleep. I may be being stupid, but it feels like all of our decisions are based around her. :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tenderlovingcare +, writes (25 May 2013):
 UPDATE:
I am the OP of this question and We are due to get married in 5 days :D. We now live together and have done since October and have a baby due in october. The sister, did not buy any of the furniture, my partner bought it all. It's easy to assume things just because she's the sister. She is not a mature, grown up sister. She is now refusing to come to our wedding because she doesn't like us together.
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female
reader, NoSCreen  +, writes (20 July 2012):
It's her flat and space if it was my brother with his girlfriend every night of the week I would be pissed off.
You're not her relation and she needs her space and privacy away from the both of you. If you were to move in together get your own place rather than hers and it is her home have considerations for her needs and wants also.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2012): Hi, I understand how your feeling. I have been the sister in this situation and you have to understand it is her home too, and your relationship with her brother does not mean she has to have there all the time. You are thinking of your relationship, which is good, but you need to remember that having you there all the time is actually costing her money too. She pays towards the bills and food, and has probably furnished the place too, so it is her home and she does not have to put up with you being there all the time. Try to come up with solutions, like him coming to your place sometimes too, but you need to realise also that he does have some responsibilities at home too, things he has to do because he lives there. I wish my brother had been as respectful and responsible as your boyfriend is being to his sister. Mine wasn't and the extra financial costs of having his girlfriend there ruined us and I now live back at home with my Mum, trying to get myself in a position to get my own place again, My brother is staying with friends, going from couch to couch and his girlfriend is history, she dumped him. So relax and realise 4 months is not long in a relationship and that his siter has a right to be respected in her own home, you can't have it your own way in her home, he has to also think of his responsibilities at home too. Good Luck
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 I agree.. you are young and she's the one who probably is on the lease and pays most of the bills... and it's her space and he's trying to be considerate...
how a man treats his mom and sister is a good indication of how he will treat a life partner... take note he is a considerate man.
I agree take him back to your place.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 Regardless of the bedroom activities when you are at their flat you are in her space. Because he is so young I would expect she furnished it and stocked it, probably chose the dishes, bought the fridge etc etc. You are in her home, and, after a mere four months of being in a relationship, are possibly making it your space.
If you want to spend more nights with your boyfriend why not have him visit you at YOUR place two or three nights a week. It would get your itch scratched and keep his sister happy.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 July 2012):
how old are all of you?
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female
reader, Angel S +, writes (19 July 2012):
 Hi,Well I know that if I lived with my sister I would always put her first. So maybe this is what your boyfriend is thinking. I don't think this is affecting your relationship, I think it is just affecting you. Although I do see where your coming from about her working nights, you should just suggest to your boyfriend instead of him inviting you to his when she is in he should invite you when she it out then you wouldn't have to worry about getting in her way or anything. You have to remember it is her flat too and everybody needs space a 24/7 relationship isn't great for anyone.If you feel bothered by it that much I would suggest talking to your boyfriend perhaps coming up with a solution such as getting together when the house is free - then everybody is happy. A great deal of compromise is needed here. Xo xo
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