A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am very confused :) My boyfriend of 6 months has contradictory signs about whether he is gay or not. Well he is quite feminine and sensitive and I have accepted that about him. I have thought that this is because he grew up with women only in his family. He is very sweet, very considerate and likes giving me romantic surprises. He writes me a loving card regularly. Overall I know he is very much in love with me from the look in his eyes and all the things he has done for me. He always says I am beautiful and loves taking pictures of me. but there are so many signs that he is swinging towards gay :(I complained about sex not being frequent enough. (could be I have a higher drive) but I don't feel he desires me crazily (unless I am dressed in his fetish outfit). He doesn't like breasts (but like legs). Sometimes I feel he is just doing something to please me but not out of his own desire. He does go down on me esp when he wants to really please me. I tried putting finger into his but but he refuses and says that is gay or he is not comfortable. However he does has fantacies that I would say are very manly. He loves stockings. and he told me the kind of porn he was masterbating towards when he was a teenager. then just some stereotypes:A lot of hand movements when he talks. loves singing along Mariah Carey. Likes Lady Gaga. Loves broadway showsgets more excited than me when a girl and a boy who love each other get together in a movievery neat and clean. loves cleaningloves interior design, furnishings, decorationsHe notices when I have shaved my eyebrows or cut my hair. He even gave me suggestion on how i should cut my short hair.He doesn't have many male friends. All best friends are female and he used to go shopping with his female friends. Never watches sports. (But he rides a Supersport motorcycle and is into sports cars. )He puts concealer on his face in the morningHe likes wearing colorful shirts to work. pink purpleHe cares about his appearance but not obssessed with fashion. He did a sort of striptease for me that I found very funny. I thought he just loves being silly with me and make me laugh.I brought up the issue and he was offended but not out of control. He told me if he had any doubts about his sexuality he would not have asked me to live with him. (he has two long relationships before) He said he had many chances to be gay beoz he went to boys high school. and there there were gay boys. They were his friends and one once wanted to make move on him. and he refused and left. He also said he was once being a very close friend with a gay guy but he didn't know he was gay. When he found out, he stops being friends with him. He talks about this gay guy at work that hits on him all the time. He convinced me that he is not gay and says don't worry he is only interested in girls. He says by now I should know he is 100% straight. I have no doubts that he loves me very much and we are getting very serious. He is a very family type of guy, wants a family and kids. He loves sharing everything he does with someone.I love him and I can really see him being a responsible and loving father and husband. But I keep thinking, what if he is gay but he doesn't want to admit it, either to himself or to society? We are getting serious and I cannot live with doubt all the time. :( Please help! Thanks!
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female
reader, annakat +, writes (22 December 2010):
 If he says he's not gay I think you should believe him. I know it's really easy to judge people based off of stereotypes (liking broadway, being over emotional, taking extra care in his appearance, using make up, etc.), but in the end we have to realize that they're just stereotypes. I have a guy friend who is really romantic, goes shopping with girl friends, wears make up (concealer and eye liner), and even has a more feminine voice than other guys, but he is definitely straight. That's just his personality. The things we characterize as being masculine or feminine are just ideas that someone a long time ago came up with. I've always wanted to go into a nursery and put all the girls in blue blankets and give them toy trucks, and put all the boys in pink blankets and give them dolls, just to see if the would all turn out to be gay. Sounds kind of dumb, right? I know it sounds like he fits the 'gay' profile, but you need to be able to trust him that he's being honest with you. Assuming he's gay or bisexual will only make him feel bad about himself. If you really enjoy being with him just don't think about the stereotypes and have fun.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): ok going off what you have said i'd say he is gay or bi, i really care about my appearance especially my hair and get my brows and lashes tinted, cry in movies but on the other hand love sport, motor racing, cars and all the blokey things, if you asked my friends they'd say i'm a bit out there but no chance of being gay, i've had several relationships with girls and fallen head over heels in love and been happy,i def want to spend my life with a girl but whenever a masturbate i think of one thing...cock, i've fooled around with one of my mates heaps of times but i would never ever! admit to a girl i was in a relationship with that i like boys no matter what, he maybe thats a big MAYBE! likes boys but wants the girlfriend relationship status, what are his mates like would they accept him if he told them? if he feels like you'll head for the hills if he told you he'll never admit it
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A
male
reader, BigSambo +, writes (11 December 2010):
If we do a comparison between his bahavior and someone else's who is known to be bisexual or gay, then we will see similarities. No doubt that your boyfriend is either bisexual or has bisexual tendecies. It is not hard to figure out his orientation with the stuff you described. I work with so many different people and I have gotten to know some personally who are married and are of the the same orientation as your boyfriend.
If you really want to find out, there are things that you can do or say or try to look for or pretend to like about bisexual people or gay people and see how he reacts to them.
the question is ... Will you still be serious with him if you discovered that he is bisexual?
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (10 December 2010):
I am going to take your test and H__ No I am not gay:1.) A lot of hand movements when he talks. I walk normal and really don’t pay attention to my hand movements.2.) loves singing along Mariah Carey. Likes Lady Gaga. Loves broadway showsI love both of these women and Lady Gaga is hot to me. Broadway show I really wouldn’t care for that.3.) gets more excited than me when a girl and a boy who love each other get together in a movieLove scene touches me too. I use to watch oxygen with my ex when I cared for her. I still watch it.4.) very neat and clean. loves cleaningI was in the military and your room had to be clean at all times. My ex was very impress when she came over. I have a four bedroom house and it mainly stays clean. I can be messy but I don’t mind clean up behind myself. Oh, I am a very good cook too.5.) loves interior design, furnishings, decorationsI don’t have a clue about that. Chair goes here.6.) He notices when I have shaved my eyebrows or cut my hair. He even gave me suggestion on how i should cut my short hair.I would notice that too. Giving advice on cutting your hair probably wouldn’t be my cup of tea.7.) He doesn't have many male friends. All best friends are female and he used to go shopping with his female friends.I see nothing wrong here I would love all my friends to be females, If the need a little extra something something I be there too.8.) Never watches sports. (But he rides a Supersport motorcycle and is into sports cars. )My brother is like a scoreboard and my father made us watch baseball as a kid. We have to get him the score if he works late. I hate sports except wrestling and boxing. Not into the motorcycle unless it has 4 wheels. Not into fancy cars either.9.) He puts concealer on his face in the morningI had to google that to see what you’re talk about here.10.) He likes wearing colorful shirts to work. pink purpleHe’s gay…just teasing but I don’t think I would wear any pink at all.11.) He cares about his appearance but not obssessed with fashion.We all do, its part whom we are.12.) He did a sort of striptease for me that I found very funny. I thought he just loves being silly with me and make me laugh.I have to add this into our role playing sounds fun.I wouldn’t say he was gay at all. Most gay’s male would pass on a female, but hook up with your brother. A bi-sexual depends on which one he thinks is hotter out of you or your brother. It wouldn’t matter as long as he stays faithful to you. Some fantasies need to stay hidden and as long as he’s sweet, caring and loving to you than nothing should matter. Grab yourself a toy and be happy.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (9 December 2010):
the things that you said about him triggers more that he is gay or at least has some gayish behaviours
if he likes gay porn that is another big index
and to be honest with you if you have gay friends try to let them see him as gays know each other better
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (9 December 2010):
 I would never sit here and say he is gay or he is not gay as i am not in the position to say that and know that i am not giving you falso information. What i can do is give you my opinions, and i from what you have said i can understand where you are coming from because if i was in your position i would be thinking exactly the same thing if i am honest, but what to do about it is a whole other question as the only person who realy know the truth is him!
I guess you need to decide if you believe him or not and then you will have to try and stick with your decision as you are not going to be happy spending the next how ever many years doubting your life.
Can i also bring up the issue that you dont sound happy , so maybe sexuality or not this relationship isnt right for you , the feeling wanted sexually and so on, but this is just an idea and maybe be wrong again only you know what you want
hope this helps some x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): it sounds like he's tryn really hard 2 convince not only you but also himself that he's straight but as an outsiders prospective, I thnk he is GAY
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