A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've started seeing this guy and its going really well.He's really sweet and we have intellectual conversations, but the problem is is that I feel that I'm attracted more to his intelligance than appearance. After breaking up with someone else and then meeting this guy, he's what I want in a partner. When we first met, he was very sweet and we share the same interests and he eventually asked for my number. What should I do? Just keep on seeing this guy and hope that this will resolve itself? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 What is the issue here?
Are you sexually attracted to him at all? Because that is what you might be suggesting by being attracted to his intelligence more then to his appearance.
Love is the mind and the body combined. We are animals who need sex. If you are with someone who is completely right for you, but you just are not attracted to them sexually at all, then it won't work. Your mind can't force your body.
But if you get all hot and bothered thinking not of his body but of how he treats you, then there is nothing wrong with that. As we get older, looks fade anyway, so couples that stay together must have found something else then pure physical attraction.
Basically, can her make your engine run? Yes? Then what is the issue?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): This sounds SO similar to my situation a lont time ago. I started dating a guy that I was super attracted to emotionally & intellectually...but I just didn't find him overly attractive physically.
With that said, it did resolve itself. We've been together for what seems like forever now and a fantastic personality really does have a way of making appearance seem more physcially attractive.
I love my boyfriend & am extremely attracted to him both physically, emotionally & intellectually. He's a fantastic guy and I didn't see all of it right away.
If this guy you're dating really is perfect for you in every other way your cognitive dissonance will find a way of resolving itself and you'll become comfortable in your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): If you're very attracted to him, then you're attracted. What matters the source? Unless he is so horrifying it pains you to look upon him, but obviously you've not been having a problem with that! Oftentimes, with females usually, a person initially not the most physically appealing will become more and more physically attractive in one's eyes as they "grow" on them... If your guy is charming to you, I'm surprised that that has not happened yet!
-Tante V
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