A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:I understand the concept of the honeymoon period. During the first six months or so that we were together, my boyfriend would text me things that still make me blush when I read them. (we've been together just over a year now) We were also like rabbits in bed. But for a few months now, the texting has cooled off (despite my attempts to spice it up again and often met with no response). And now there is a new issue in the bedroom. We don't do it as often (we work different hours and when he's ready, I'm tired). And now he just doesn't seem to be as hard when we actually do get around to it. We spend 4 nights a week together. We're very comfortable with each other and love each other. 3 days he's alone, but he works 4:30 to 1:00am and I'm very sure he's not cheating on me (I have enough reason to truly believe this and there are no signs at all that it is something to even consider). I just wonder if he's bored or stressed or disinterested or what else would cause an otherwise hot blooded 24 year old to cool off so fast (especially when everything else is generally good between us). He does have a few porn accounts. Is he just more into that? Oh, and I'm still keeping good care of myself (I believe that's important to be the same package he started with and not let myself go). Any ideas and thoughts on this are appreciated.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 December 2011):
 and what is wrong with the comfort of companionship in a lonley life?
I really keep trying to explain to folks that PASSION is a positive and a NEGATIVE thing. Passionate people love passionately but they also FIGHT passionatly. My man and I have had to accept that we are, as he calls it, "feisty" but it leads to some horrid fights.... passion goes both ways, it's a double edged sword.
My man has a huge interest in sex and porn and BDSM etc etc etc... and yet my sex drive and need for actual intercourse is higher than his... HIS need for COMFORT and companionship and cuddles and affection is HIGHER than mine... we accept each others limitations but we are willing to as two broken people be less broken together...
IF your partner's sex drive and needs do not match your own and leave you wanting and unhappy, they yes you need to end it for both of you... he will be sad and so will you but it's better than growing resentment and anger.....
A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (1 December 2011):
bardia is verified as being by the original poster of the question With his extreme interest in sex, I find it hard to believe that he has a lower sex drive than me. We are both into a good bit of BDSM. We have the makings of an epic dom/sub combo. I actually have already dressed up for him among other things. I think in the entire time we've been together I've only actively said no to sex once because I do enjoy it. And we've had to talk about so much recently, I'm afraid to bring this up. I thought he was making a turn-around in our relationship & better understanding my needs. However, events of the last 24 hours have left me confused & second guessing this whole thing. I'm afraid I'm at the point where if there isn't at least a little more fire on his end I might have to end this. You can't force someone to love you. I know he does in some way, I just wonder if it's enough (beyond the comfort of companionship in a lonely life).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): I would guess that its that the honeymoon period is cooling off sex isn't the main part of a relationship you coud always try spicing things up by maybe dressing up for him or playing out some fantasys he may have
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A
female
reader, mammaboo  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Sounds like there is some trouble on the horizon!You will just have to see what happens.Have you tried telling him that you feel that things have cooled a little,and ask if there is a problem!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2011):
we are also a couple that is together a year and just recently moved in together... and yeah for sure our sex life and emails have cooled off... but our love continues to grow.
a mature relationship is not all about sex. He’s 24 so you are at minimum 12 years older than he is and at maximum 16 years older. I get it I’m 51 to my boyfriend’s 38 and my sex drive is much higher than his. I could easily have sex every other night...
a lot of times I'm too tired when he's ready or he's not ready when I am... we have reserved Sunday mornings for sexual activity at the bare minimum... anything else is gravy.
IF everything else is good it may just be that he has a lower drive than you…
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