A
female
age
36-40,
*eighga
writes:I have been at my job for about 8 months now. The first 6 months it was just work between my boss and I. But the past 2 months something has changed. He calls me Blondie and no other co-worker has a nickname of any kind. He has been touchy feely. Not in a bad way. Playing with my hair, pushing me, punching me on my arm, grabs my shirt and pulls me closer to talk. Stands really close, smiles all the time at me, sitting down going over paper work both of our arms on the table he will have his touching mine. Being silly all the time. Making me laugh. He is much older than me about 15 years older. So he will tease about his own age, like say "come here and help me please you know I'm old and crippled" when really he isn't. We could be standing in a group talking, and he will keep eye contact with me and just smile while he is talking. He is also talking more about his personal life to me. Family and working on his car type stuff. I am interested, but I don't know if sure if he is flirting or just being friendly. Am I reading into this?
View related questions:
co-worker, flirt, my boss Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (21 August 2010):
Ok if he is not married? tell him you would like to meet his mom!!! then you will have your answer. if he gives you an excuse you will know.
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (15 August 2010):
Ok so now you say you don't know if he is flirting now or not? then your right you need to choose your words wisely.
because those words can be some serious alagations! in a work place.
Good Luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): Oh so clearly he is flirting with you. Next you need to think about what you want to do about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, leighga +, writes (14 August 2010):
leighga is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe isn't married. He talks about his Mom or his brother when they visit or what not. As far as I know or any body else that we work with he is single. Sorry should've put that in there. Thanks everyone for your input. It was major help.
...............................
A
female
reader, DazedConfused  +, writes (14 August 2010):
Ok Im in a not so dissimilar situation only its my trainer not my boss. And yes hes definatley flirting with you.
Firstly you need to think about...
1, do you have the same feelings
2, is he married
3, how this will affect your work
4, if you like him is there a future
5, if you dont like him, you need to make it clear
If he is married id recommend staying clear, dont get close enough for any feelings to develop. The last thing you need is a mess like that.
If hes not married and your interested well, what the hell why not. It may have an affect on your work but these things cant be worked through.
If you dont feel attracted towards him DO NOT FLIRT BACK. This will only bring you trouble. I can assure you, it maybe fun and what not but do not flirt back and if your in a situation of discomfort you need to speak to someone in HR.
Hope this helps!
...............................
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (14 August 2010):
What do you mean not in a bad way! he has pointed out to you in black-n-white how much plainer can he be? if it's obivous to you it is obivous to everyone! if you need your job! i would stick to the basics and that is work do your job and go home! he is just thinking of a piece of *ss you say his family and his car is he married? he thinks you are blonde alright that is an insult and he's testing you by playing you to see just how dumb you are to see how far he can go w/ you because you are not reading between the lines. and im not calling you dumb he is!! shame on you for allowing him to disrespect you like that. he's your boss! and if there wer'e 2 people who did work together that wer'e seeing each other well you keep it out side of your job! not on duty thats for sure. i would slap a harressment suit on him so fast his head would spin and then you'lll see all the dirty secrets coming out on this jerk! and mostly if you don't respect yourself enough at least respect him doing it to someone else!
...............................
A
male
reader, 1stimenwin +, writes (14 August 2010):
He is flirting. Sometimes guys just flirt though. This doesn't actually mean that he wants to take it any further. Flirting may be enough for him. Let him make the first move since he is your superior, in the office anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (14 August 2010):
Hello there. He might be interested in you or he finds you attractive at the very least - that seems obvious.
But the 15 years is a large age difference. That's something to keep in mind. He might just be married. You need to somehow find out if he is or not. The safest way would be to assume that he is married, then you won't get hurt. If he wasn't married, he would have been more open about it and asked you out for a date.
A boss being flirty with his secretary, is not really part of your job description, so don't think that you have to go along with it to keep your job. Not so. Also, playing with your hair is overstepping the line. That's only an act that would be done by a couple. If you allow that, then his hand might move to your breasts.
If he's talking about his family and just says "we" a lot of the time, you can assume that it means his wife, almost certainly.
Also, the fact that you have written your posted question anyway, indicates to me that you have some concern about it. Listen to your gut feelings they will sound alarm bells if there is something to watch out for.
While his nudging you or putting his hand close to yours on your desk seems harmless at the moment, he might have other ideas for the future.
In any case, nothing is conclusive as at the moment he has not done anything that seems overtly sexual in nature. He hasn't made any suggestions to you or acted inappropriately. But don't allow that to happen either.
You need to stay very aware of his actions from now on, and put your foot down the moment it gets beyond casual. If at any time you start to feel a bit uncomfortable with it, stop it happening straight away.
If he puts his arm close to or touching yours on your desk, just move your hand away and put it in your lap. If you are standing and talking to each other and he steps closer to you - take a step backwards, and keep doing that each time he tries to get closer, then he will learn not to do that in future. He will get the hint and know that he has overstepped the line, and won't do it again. But don't make a scene and get angry or upset, just move your hand away from his or take a step backwards. Just stay calm. But the really important thing to remember in standing your ground, is to always be respectful. That way, he then knows where he stands and will respect you for not taking any crap. It also shows your boss that you have a high level of self respect. That's a good thing.
Believe me, you hold all the controlling cards regarding this situation, if you allow it all to happen and do nothing, he will keep going and maybe do more things, and it will start to bother you. The more you allow to happen and do nothing, the more it might seem like a green light for him to go ahead with it. So nip it in the bud sooner rather than later. You won't lose your job, but you will feel a lot better about things. You do need to consider yourself as well.
Hope this information helps you. Best Wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): Oh boy, he is interested in you... but the question is in what? Is he married? Does he have a partner? It could be that he is looking for a fling... but if he is single... another story.
WHat is important to think about is that this guy is in a position of power... he is 15 years older AND he is also your boss!It is not an equal partnership.
Imagine if you do take the plunge, and then it ends... it's a really tricky situation. Or let's say it doesn't end... still tricky. THer is a good reason it is considered bad practice to have 2 people in a relationship as boss and subordinate.
He is into you... yes... that is clear. What is not clear is for what, and whether it's a good idea to go for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, leighga +, writes (14 August 2010):
leighga is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI meant to say, I don't know for sure if he is flirting or just being friendly.
...............................
|
