A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf won't hold my hand in public! We have been together for two months and last night we went out to the store and I went to grab his hand and he 'acted' like he needed to grab something and let go of my hand. We held hands for less than 30 seconds; sad I know. Not only this, but on our first official date he told me not to get bigger(as in fatter) because he doesn't like 'bigger girls' and that I was good but I would look better if I worked out and lost weight. And the other night, he called me another girl's name; she's his friend from college and he tried excusing it by saying that he had just mentioned her name and was thinking about her problems. I was mad about that and he apologized but still. And the other night, I called him and he was on the phone with his female friend at 12am! I don't mind him having female friends but I know for a fact that he wouldn't like me talking to a male friend at that time.And another problem that I have with him is that he can be so rude to me and everyone else, including his mother and sisters/brothers, at times. He has even acknowledge the fact that he is really rude to me at times...but that he can't help it. I find that inexcusable. I don't even raise my voice or curse at him, ever. I think it's not fair for me to deal with his rudeness when I don't act like that and am respectful at all times. Simple things like asking him if he's okay will bug him and he'll be like "don't baby me". Ugh, I'm tired of his ways.When we go out it's like we're not even a couple. Sometimes he won't even open the door for me (we're from Texas) and it's second nature for men to do that. Even a complete stranger told him that he wasn't being a gentlemen because he didn't open the door for a lady(me). She asked me if he was my boyfriend and I said yes, and she just shook her head.I already tried talking to him about all these things and it seems like he doesn't care. He says that he does care about me but I just don't know. I feel like he's ashamed of me because he won't hold my hand in public, I'm not asking him to kiss me or anything like that. But if he doesn't like PDA that's fine, I'll respect that. But he never wants to talk about our problems. And I do a lot for him and he doesn't appreciate it. He doesn't have a car and when we go out I drive 30 minutes to his house and pick him up. And he doesn't appreciate it; he complains when I take too long to get to his house or if I can't go out because I have homework(I'm in college). He can be sweet sometimes but other times, I find myself being hurt by his actions and comments and lately I've been crying.I want to be with him, but I deserve to be happy and not crying or being upset. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, txgirl_05 +, writes (14 June 2011):
leave that loser!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): I want to thank everyone for their advice. I am no longer with this person, the relationship ended shortly after I posted this question. He still wanted me in his life as a friend because and I quote " I'm a good person and he wants good people in his life". I told him that I couldn't be friends with him, it was awkward. I was recently told that he's with his ex girlfriend and he has introduced her to the whole world apparently. I felt disrespected because I was given the respect that I deserve during the relationship, but I just brushed myself off and I'm going to move on from this. Thanks once again. God bless.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2009):
If he doens't want a seroious, decent relationship, you're going to get hurt. Dump him and find someone who does want to be with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): IF he doesn't care, (as you wrote in your post) , then dump him.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (27 September 2009):
 A guy from Texas who doesn't open doors?
Texas is one of the few places I've been where chivalry was not dead! This must be a sign of the apocalypse.
In North Carolina there is no shortage of rude people, but in TEXAS??
I am sorry for the pain you're in, and I don't mean to hurt you, but realistically I think this guy is a waste of carbon atoms. If I were you, I would leave. I know that it hurts to leave a relationship that you want to work out, but you can't change people, and this guy is, quite frankly, a jerk!
In a relationship, the partners are supposed to be people to listen to you, with whom you can share feelings and in whom you can trust. Without that, what's left for a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): I just talked to him and he finally told me how he felt. He said that he doesn't want a serious relationship; he just wants a relationship and go from there... So at least now I know where I stand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): You guy has no manners, it's very hard at this age to teach him good manners.
the fact he is not telling his friends that you 're dating
is not very promising. i don't see any future for you her w/him, and so do you.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (27 September 2009):
 You've got a guy on your hands that has no respect for women. Basically, he's picked this up from his own family.
Likely his father disrespected his mom, and so he learned to be disrespectful to all women, not just you.
His issues are pretty complex and maybe you need to stare him down and ask him if he's got any respect for you at all. Because if not, you're never going to be happy with him.
And, he's never going to be intimate with you. Which means, you'll never be able to feel trusted or appreciated by him.
That's a real deep issue. Its also an anger issue. He may, deep down, fear that you're a better person than him which is not unusual for someone like this.
Finally, there's a tinge of an insecurity issue there. If he can't feel secure in telling his friends about you, then he's not ashamed of you, he's ashamed of himself.
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A
female
reader, landingsight +, writes (27 September 2009):
You really don't deserve to be treated like this guy's treating you. If you've already tried talking to him about all this, and he won't even listen to the concerns you have, then it's pretty obvious he doesn't care about the relationship. If I were you, I'd get out of there and not look back.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (27 September 2009):
I'm a little confused that you want to be with him, but you say that you deserve to be happy. He's not going to change. He was a jerk the first time you even went out with him! He really doesn't deserve you, you're too good for him. If he's rude to his own mother and admits to being rude to you but he "can't help it" then that's his problem. He's not ashamed of you, he has his own issues.
Just look at the big picture, he won't make you happy EVER, and as long as you stay in this relationship with him, you will continue to be unhapppy. He doesn't respect you or seem to care about your feelings. Don't settle for this one. You know that you're a respectful and caring person, you deserve to be with someone with the same qualities and appreciates what you have to offer. You have only been together for 2-months, end the relationship now before you get in too deep. It will be an easy one to get over. Dump him and cut off all contact.
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