A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:A lady in office much younger than I am had been hitting on me for a while. I find her very attractive. She is married, and so am I. At the same time, I dont want to mess up my married life and have not gone beyond a coffee or lunch together. Recently, she left the company I work for and we keep in touch by emails and messages. I want to continue the friedship at an arms length.Is this cheating? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): I am in a similar situation - my wife is happy for me to meet my female friend [also married] for lunch. No reason to stop being friends just because she is the opposite sex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you who replied. I don't know what to say. I shall heed the popular advice.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (13 March 2011):
Some people think not. I, however, do think that this is cheating because you are apparently involved emotionally with this other woman. Otherwise, there would be no real reason to keep in contact with her. And, she's younger than you. All of us guys know what a thrill that can be. You know where this may go, yet you want to continue with it anyway. And, you don't want to talk about the weather with this girl. Well, maybe you do but while discussing the most recent rainstorm you secretly want something to happen in such a way that you can, if something does happen, simply say "it happened out of the blue" or some bullshit like that. Nothing happens out of the blue in these sorts of things. Do yourself a favor, let this "friendship" go. If you really need a friend, get a dog. Otherwise you are going to get all screwed up emotionally and mess up your marriage. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): it is not cheating. but its not a good thing either. think of it like this. if you wanted nothing more then to be friends with her, then yes thats fine. but if any flirting arises you have to get out. its not fair on your wife. turn the tables around. would you like it if your wife started hanging out with a guy she found a attractive? im pretty sure jealousy springs into mind. these kind of situations however small at first can be the dstruction of a once strong marriage. take a step back and put everything into perspective. do you really want the consequences that could happen if you continue to pursue this girl? do you want to be with your wife for the rest of your life? do you care about her? do you love her? you want to trust her, and you want to be able to be trusted by her. never ever put this girl before your wife.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (13 March 2011):
 I am afraid I would put this under the "emotional affair" category, and yes, I would say it is a bad idea.
Even if it does not lead to anything physical, it is still emotionally cheating on your wife if you meet up with a woman for whom you feel an attraction.
What is the point?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Why do you want to continue this contact? Answer that question honestly and you'll soon see that your "relationship" with this woman is not innocent.She's been "hitting on you" ... You find her very attractive ... so, what, you're keeping in touch so you can discuss the political strife in the world?I think you've asked your question because you want someone to tell you it's okay. Well, Mr Married Man, it is not okay. Just ask your wife and her husband.Be honest.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (13 March 2011):
 It's emotional cheating, not physical which is obviously different. However alot of my girlfriends say they fear that more. The idea of their boyfriends/husbands talking, opening up, investing in another woman aside from them, particularly one that they're attracted to. How would you feel about your wife doing it?It would have ramifications for your marriage, because feelings would grow, you would perhaps seek her support over your wife's and it could just generally lead you into very dangerous territory. Also, once you have an emotional closeness with someone you inevitably end up wanting physical closeness and intimacy. It's scary how easy this can happen. I think it's admirable that you don't want to ruin your marriage, but I also think that this could. Perhaps instead of focussing on this woman, you should ask why whatever this woman offers you is something you feel you need. Perhaps its the age thing? Or things at home becoming very routine. Try fixing the cause, not the symptom. Take your wife out, or tell her you feel, see if you can add some sparkle to that relationship and then, you will probably find that you don't have as much of a desire to talk to the woman in question anyway. Avoid temptation if you can, because you could end up losing something really important. Hope that helps.All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Its not cheating if you explain to your wife and she is happy for the two of you to be friends.
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