A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi i am currently having trouble trusting my girlfriend of over a year.it has been 5 years since i was in a relationship and that last one she just up and left no reason.i love my girlfriend more than anyopne before but i have trouble whenever she goes out with her friends or stays back ay work late.i have only been in the city we live for 4 years and have not really built up my own friends base she is a ot younger than me and very very attractive i unfortunately have lost my good body as my new job and lazyness in new city how can i stop my mind running these scenarios of her cheating or just leaving me i knew her for two years before we got together and i never thought she would be like that and deep down have no reaso to think that would havew changed but still my mind runs wild when she is out lately please help me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (13 March 2011):
Hi there. You do really need to make some friends of your own, so you won't be so emotionally dependent on her for your happiness.
I believe this is part of the problem.
It doesn't seem that she has given you any reason to not trust her.
You are feeling a bit insecure when she goes out, thinking that maybe she is with someone else.
Your insecurity about where you stand, could lead to neediness on your part, to the point where you want her to be in your company all the time - and with no other human being. This is extreme I realize, but it can happen in some relationships where insecurities exist.
If you do start to feel this way, you could cause her to want to escape and to feel a bit trapped. You don't want that, surely. You also don't want to risk losing her.
I suggest that you trust her completely, unless she gives you any reason not to.
As far as what you have said about being a little out of shape, well that's pretty easy to control. All you need to do, is whenever you have some free time, go for a 30 minute walk. Even if you walk during lunch time, then when you come back from your walk, eat your lunch at your desk.
Regular walking will burn up any excess calories, and will bring your body back into good tone, very quickly. As well as that, it is great for the mind, and you will feel great afterwards and really relaxed. It's good to get out at lunch time anyway, and it will refresh your energy to carry out the rest of your day. Try it.
There's no need for expensive gym memberships. Walking will be just as effective. You could also if you like on alternate days, go for an early morning swim at your local pool and swim a few laps. Swimming is also very good aerobic exercise and will tone up your chest, abdomen, buttocks and arms, shoulders too.
If you alternate walking and swimming, you'll be fit and in great shape in no time flat. This will help boost your self esteem.
Take care and best wishes.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (13 March 2011):
You are insecure about yourself and you have a lack of confidence. You should talk with your girlfriend and tell her how you feel. Maybe she will try to make you feel reassured about yourself.
If you keep having these feelings you better get a therapist because you have no reasons for not trusting her. And there's no point on suffering because of nothing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): You're feeling bad about yourself, and that's translating into insecurity and jealousy.When she goes out with her friends, what do you do, sit at home and worry? Why not use that time to go running or go to a gym to get back your "good body" - you're only young and you'll be fit in no time!As long as you stay at home and brood you will only get fatter and more unhappy and twisted up inside.You've been in your "new city" for four years, for goodness sake! What are your interests? What efforts have you made to get out there and make a life for yourself?Start by checking out what's on in your neighborhood? What sporting facilities, clubs, theaters are available to you?If you don't make a life for yourself and have something to bring to this relationship you will lose this girl.You and your relationship will only get better if you get up off that sofa, and get out and engage with life! It's up to you now.
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A
male
reader, jay07800  +, writes (13 March 2011):
i have been in your situation too the only way i got over this was to talk to my partner and on variouse occasions she would invite me out so i could meet her friends and i knew everything was ok or she would go out and text me saying wot you upto id say not much then she would say come meet me or come pick me up and i would go see her friends say hi stay for abit or leave with her i know its hard but if theres nothing to hide no reason why u cant meet her friends
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