A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee and I have been together for over 16 years now (since we were 11 and 12) and engaged for eleven years. We have two children (2 and 4 with another on the way). Up until quite recently, I had no intention of ever setting a wedding date.The issue is that literally all of her friends are actually married now. She fears she's falling behind and now the pressure's on me to put an "official" ring on her finger.But is marriage really that important? I want to be with my fiancee for the rest of my life and, of course, help raise our kids, but do we need to have a sheet of paper confirming that we're bonded for life?
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female
reader, curious0hot +, writes (2 February 2010):
 "Up until quite recently, I had no intention of ever setting a wedding date."
Why did you ask her to marry you (or agree to marry her) if you never intended to marry her?
The importance of marriage varies from person to person, and it is not "needed". However, it looks like it is something the woman you love wants. And the only thing that would change is your relationship title. Don't let cold feet defeat reason. ;)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): No its not that big of deal. If you have been together for that long (with children) it is obvious that you have made a commitment already. A piece of paper won't change any of that. Marriage is an out dated idea.
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A
female
reader, girl from bristol  +, writes (1 February 2010):
hi i think if you do not want to get married you need to tell her if you are happy as you are then no i do not think marriage is important and a sheet of paper does not mean you love her more than if you dont get married to me having kids is more important then getting married i do not mind whether i get married or not as long as i have a family and a man who loves me
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (1 February 2010):
Yes, marriage is important to most women. If a piece of paper isn't that big of a deal and you want to be with someone the rest of your life, then what's the big deal about getting married? I think you should consider yourself lucky that she's been with you as long as she has without a formal commitment and has been engaged to you for 11 years! A lot of women would have walked by now.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 I suppose not, but alot of people are kind of traditional about stuff like that. Also if something were to happen to you, and you do not have both your names on your house, property, cars and bank accounts, she may find herself in a most difficult situation of not having any rights to continue living in the house and handling the family bills etc. unless you have a will in place or your state recognizes partnerships other than marriage. You may be young, but things can happen even to a young person that leaves your loved one alone and banks can be very unforgiving of arrangements such as these.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): See now, for her it's about far more than the paper. For her it means a lot. If it doesnt mean that much to you, why not just do it then? You promised to marry her, seal the deal. And yes, its a big deal.
What about all the economical sides to it, look into that. Being married (in many countries at least) changes the financial situation. Then there's her last name change. The ability to be called Mrs and not Ms on airplane tickets. Being registered as married to you for future generations, having a big party to celebrate the two of you in front of all your friends.. If she's Christian then theres the issue of her faith of course! All in all: big deal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): I am confused as to why you are engaged if you have/had no intention of getting married in the first place. Why did you even bother with that?
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A
female
reader, linda248 +, writes (1 February 2010):
Well if you say that you want to be with your fiance for the rest of your life, and raise your kids together then it is important to have that sheet of paper also.
What was the point of engagement anyway, you could of just stayed bf& gf, and have kids too.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 February 2010):
You offered to marry her, so it is important now. More than anything, to her it represents your commitment. If you offered to marry her, then yes it means a lot. Back out, and you'll lose her because she will see it as a huge breach of promise and trust.
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