A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a bit of bother!I have feelings for my friends husband, and he has feelings for me too (More sexually driven). We love our partners but have this urge for each other that is so so so strong. We dont see each other anymore but we still chat on msn.It's driving us both crazy this sexual lust for one-another, is it wrong to feel this way about each other? Or is it wrong to want to be with each other? We both have problems within our marriages (Mostly sexually orientated). Any advice on this would be greatly appreciatedRegardsxxxx
View related questions:
friend's husband, married man, msn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): It is not wrong to "want to cheat", lust is a natural human emotion that should not be suppressed. However actualy going through with it will cause more problems in the long run . Telling your husband about how you feel is a must.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): Hi love,
yes it is wrong to be thinking this way, not only are you both married but its your best friends husband...
I would try counselling for your marriage and stop taking with this man on the computor as this is only making the situation worse, be a friend to your friend and dont stab her in the back, its so very upsetting when your husband cheats but when you find out its with a close friend it just destroys you as who can you turn to. In a situation like this yes your getting the attention you probably dont get in your marriage, but hunny do you no for sure what their life is like behind closed doors, your friend probably needs you more now than ever and you are taking her pain and thinking of making it worse by sleeping with her husband. PLEASE THINK I ALWAYS BELIVE WHAT GOES ROUND COMES ROUND... DO THE RIGHT THING LOVE BEFORE ITS TO LATE..... TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY
...............................
A
female
reader, Sbrwneyes  +, writes (28 June 2007):
 Yes, it's very wrong to cheat on your husband. I myself, am so against cheating. You need to go to counseling...and if you don't feel that "connection" anymore, than you should leave your husband rather then cheat on him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dr. Surgel  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 Yes - its wrong to have sex with someone else other than your husband (without permission), and yes, its wrong to have sex with someone else's husband. But of course you already know that.That feeling that you describe as being so, so, so strong is just lust, and either of you could end up being just as strongly disgusted with yourselves after your lust is consumated.It would be far better for you to work on your own marriage and sex life, rather than getting involved in someone else's marriage and sex life.Be good,Dr. Surgel
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): Rather than cheating, why not consider the benefits of marriage counseling. You really know it's wrong, don't you. You are talking about seeking shallow thrills and short lived orgasms at the grave risk of your marriage. Infidelities are destructive ways to act out one's own emptiness and it's done in such a undignified, self-involved way. You do really sound lost, needy and lonely. You state you and your husband have sexual problems, so rather than doing something about that, you decided that sex with another man will fill that need. No it won't. Emotional intimacy is probably missing between you and your husband and it is probably not just his responsibility. Since you're taking risks outside the relationship, why not take more risks within the relationship? You could start by sharing your sense of desperation and loneliness, with your husband and get these painful feelings out on the table. . You could talk about how you feel about yourself, the direction of your life, and what you feel you need from him as your life companion in the future. You might as well shake things up in a constructive way because your recent behavior indicates that you will otherwise probably be blowing up the relationship through more destructive means. Talk to your husband..communicate lovingly..tell him you need his emotional support and caring more. The friend's husband is just fantasy. By having an affair with him. you will lose. You risk losing your friend, your husband, your lover with the more sex driven feelings (because all he wants is a good lay-he won't leave his wife-they never do) and you risk losing your self-respect. What's most important to you?
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Sarah +, writes (27 June 2007):
 You gotta leave him, your living a lie and using your friends husband as a convienient distraction, stopping you from facing up to the truth. Be strong and leave now, with a clear conceience.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 It's not wrong to feel anything or have a desire. What's wrong is the fact you guys have this dirty little secret. If you hadn't been flirting with each other, nobody would have known. You chose to make the feelings evident thus creating the atmosphere you're in.
You've both been extremely disrespectful to your spouses and should be ashamed. You, in particular have also been a terrible friend !!! Why have you wasted time cheating, as opposed to working on your marriage? Your focus is in the wrong spot and that is why the marriages are suffering. I can almost guarantee you two chat about all the short comings of your spouses, making the sparks fly between the two of you. This reinforces your teenage angst and gives you false reasons to continue.
You state you have problems in the marriages.....NO KIDDING !!! At this point, the biggest problem is your both cheating on your partners. How can you expert things to get better at home if you're playing lovey dovey with Romeo. Be honest with yourself. You know it's wrong, that's why you wrote. Are prepared to live with the stigma, of being a person with no integrity, for the rest of your life?
How can your husband fight for you, he doesn't even know he's in a battle. So you want advice. Cut your losses and give your husband the woman he deserves. Some people take marriage seriously, friendship too. Others trample over people and feelings with no remorse. Is that the person you want to be?
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Hell yeah!! You're destroying two marraiges!! Until you're both divorced, you shouldn't act upon anything!! What about his wife? Do you care about that? Do you really have to ask this question? It's obvious as far as morals are concerned!
DV1
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (26 June 2007):
 HELLO, you are both married and just because you both have problems in your marriage that does not justify what you are doing, you do realise that this is an affair that you are having, it's emotional but still an affair.
If you are not happy in your marriage do yourself and your husband a favour and leave him and tell the your HUSBANDS friend the same thing and if neither of you are prepared to do that then stop what you are doing and sort out your marriages.
Take care.xx.
...............................
A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Yes it is wrong!
I would cut contact with this man and sort your marriage out or leave you r husband and wait for this man to leave his wife!
xxxxx
...............................
|
