| A
age
51-59,
*
writes: I am talking to my first love right now. He hours away. We talk for hours and text quite frequently...is this considered cheating in anyones eyes. I am married to a man who barely speaks to me and rarely touches me. This is filling a huge void in my life and I was wondering if anyone feels this is wrong...as long as no physical contact has been made. This is the one who got away a long time ago and both of us have lived to regret the choices we have made. I am a good person and am not out to hurt anyone.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): WHy you should talk to him and what you talk to him about? Does your husband knows about it? What do u feel when you talk to him and not to talk to him for long?
My first guss is you are in an emotional affair with him. One day it will step up to physical. It is difficult to get out once u sunck. And it will end up with a big disappointment. It is always like that even if u enjoy it for some time.
The best thing to do is talk to your husband and focus on the marriage. This will not be difficult if your husband really loves u and u do love him. It is a communication break up. Fix it. FOCUS ON YOUR HUSBAND. TRY TO SEE POSETIVE THINGS ABOUT HIM. SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH HIM.
QUITE COMMUNICATING WITH UR EX.
GOOD LUCK
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Yes it is wrong to talk with old b/f because talking him can one day lead towards physical relationship and then cheating with your husband, it is dangerous I think you need to talk to your husband and express your feelings and express your expectation, he will surely change and will become like your b/f and that will serve to solve your problem
...............................
A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (8 January 2011):
What you are engaged in is an emotional affair. Many consider this type affair to be more dangerous and insidious than a mere physical affair. I agree. I've been there. It's horrible. Don't continue with this. It will leave you empty inside. Work on your marriage. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 I think you already know what you're doing is not right and technically is cheating. You're going behind your husband's back and I'm assuming the chatting is not entirely platonic from the way you say you both regret the decisions you've made. You're disrespecting yourself, your marriage, your husband, and whoever your ex is currently with. That doesn't sound like a good person to me. How would you feel if your husband was doing the same to you? Maybe that could explain the reason he is the way he is towards you. You owe it to yourself, your marriage, and any children to work it out with your husband. Perhaps professional help is in order.Cease all interaction with your ex. Leave him in the past. That you're living in the past is somewhat pathetic. If he was so great then why are you not married to him? Methinks you're projecting stuff onto the past that simply didn't exist. Work on you and your family. They are your priority. Communicate your needs cleary to your husband. If he can't satisfy you then who does he expect will? There are obviously some issues you have not indicated. Either way, you need to exhaust all avenues. If you conclude that it's splitsville, then do so as respectfully/honorably as possible. File for divorce and leave, then pursue whoever you want. In this way you will have operated with at least some integrity and respect for all parties involved. Don't lower yourself even more by continuing this 'affair of the heart'. You may think it helps you but it will come at the cost of your self-respect and dignity. Do things the right way and then this will make you the good person you claim you are. Confide in a platonic friend if you feel the need.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): It's really good that you're asking yourself this question. From one who has "been there, done that", you need to ask yourself at this point whether you want to stay married. Counselling could help alot. Google Dr Shirley Glass and find out what she says about having friendships outside of marriage (they can be dangerous!) I would put your first love on hold until you decide whether to repair your marriage or not, because I think the course you're on, you'll eventually separate with your husband-- but it could be messy, financially and emotionally. At our time of life (I was 47 when I got my divorce) we need to think really carefully about whether we can or should save a marriage or move on.Think of this course as doing *yourself* a favour. You definitely need love and affection, and should expect that from your husband. Give him a chance to turn this around. If he's really not interested in fixing this, then you know your answer. Best of luck to you!
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 You have doubts, I know that because you wrote this questino. That means you know something is wrong with what you have been doing and whilst it is innocent for the most part, you might be getting too attached to this. It is emotional infidelity. But no, this is not such an evil in my eyes and yet, even though it is quite understandable, you need to do the right thing and either work on your marriage or end it. If your husband is a good man, why not give him one more chance. If you do not love your husband anymore, no matter what your intentions are towards this other man, you have to end your marriage.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (8 January 2011):
 The fact is you are married. First and foremost, you need to deal with that reality. You perhaps should try flirting with your husband, as well as talking to him about the way you feel and see what he has to say. Perhaps HE is not happy with the way things are between you. Possibly you both should consider joint marriage counseling. If he is not willing to do that, then get counseling for yourself.
Now then: concerning this other man - if you are looking to him to fill a void in your life, while you may not be physically cheating on your husband by going to bed with this other one, you ARE in danger of getting involved in an emotional affair - which is a form of cheating, precisely because the affection and attention which rightly belongs to your husband (and his to you) is misplaced. If "the one who got away" is also married, then so much the worse.
I would say this: Do your darndest to make your marriage happier with your husband. If that is not successful, you may have to think about separation and divorce.
Then and ONLY then (in two or three years time) will you be free to form a relationship with this other person, provided he's not married or living with someone.
...............................
|
