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female
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*eanie
writes: Is it wrong to hang out with my ex-husbands family when they come to town. I have 3 children by this man and i took them to stay at a hotel with their grandparents and aunts and cousins. I havent seen these people in 7 years. So i sat with them a couple of hours to catch up. My fiance was furious!! please help.Weanie
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (30 May 2006):
 Your fiance is clearly threatened - It's possible that his insecurity is a temporary condition, or maybe it isn't. We don't know his side of the story, so the best advice I can give you is to get him to talk about his insecurities. If he stonewalls you and continues to act like a wounded animal, it's time to reconsider your engagement.
You have an obligation to ensure that your children are always surrounded by loving and caring people. Your ex-husband's relatives seem like these kind of people. Does your fiance's response to them give you the impression that he will be loving and caring to your kids?
I recommend that you think deeply about Irish49's last sentence. Good luck with the hard choices that seem to be on the horizon for you.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (30 May 2006):
 I agree with the other aunts, your partner is being pretty unreasonable.
Its not like you spend every night with these people - you were catching up with them for a few hours whilst your children spent some quality time with their father's family. Not a crime at all.
In fact, I think you showed good manners by spending some time with them too - a lot of people after a divorce wouldn't go near their in-laws with a ten foot pole which is a shame because often who misses out is the kids who don't get to see one parent's aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.
You need to talk to your partner and tell him that for the benefit of the kids it is important that you remain civil and friendly with your ex's family. There is no reason to be jealous, its not like you are getting back together with your ex, you were simply having a chat to his family.
If he can't understand this, perhaps you need to consider if you really want to be married to a man who gets so upset over something so trivial and little!
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (30 May 2006):
 Irish49 is right on the money with this one. This guy is trying to control you and is acting like a child. What will happen when the ring is on your finger? What would he expect you to do, pretend the other side of the family doesn't exist? So, he wold have you sacrifice the relationship your kids could have with their family because it doesn't suit him. He thinks his insecure needs are more imnportant than your kids. That is so wrong.
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A
female
reader, uonlyliveonce  +, writes (30 May 2006):
 i totally agree with irish you have every right to let your child see his paternal family.
your fiancee may have overreacted and felt slightly left out, talk it over with him and if he's still been unreasonable be careful a relationship cant survive without trust
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2006): You boyfriend has a problem. You are doing nothing wrong by having your children visit, bond and connect with their paternal family. And it is perfectly within your right to sit and visit with them, yourself. After all, these people will be forever related to your children and they are friends to you. It doesn't matter if they are relations of your ex. You fiancee has no right to be angry and I wonder...is he normally this angry over such petty BS? If he is you have a huge problem on your hands and his reaction does tell you a lot about his character.
He's using jealousy to control you. Red Flag! Please careful and watch out for the men you bring in and out of your children's lives.
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