| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I am COMPLETELY shy around guys. I never know what to say and the conversation always ends quite awkward... I also have a few self confidence issues but i don't want them to apply too much to this question. I've met this guy,... he's extremely good looking, i know his parents and in turn he knows mine (and they both like him, bonus), by what i have heard about him we have very similar intrests and the list could go on... BUT... I've only ever said "hi" to him! We live in the same town, though he goes away sometimes to rodeo and i know where he lives too (because i know his parents) but i can just never muster the courage to go up to him because i am afarid i will make myself look like an idiot (by not knowing what to say, seeming weird, ....) What are some good conversations starters? Ones that make him interested in talking but don't make me seem odd... and any other advice you can offer would be awesome. Thank You Confusion (15 y/o)
View related questions:
confidence, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (30 May 2006):
 The pressure to get beyond the small talk is enormous, especially when you are shy. I am *not* shy around strangers so you will have to bear that in mind as I provide the following counsel.
My basic strategy when I meet new people is to make them talk. There is always some common reason that we are in the same place - we're at the same seminar, in the same course, on the same flight, waiting for the same train, and so on. So I'll start with that piece of common ground, but not introduce myself yet. If the conversation progresses for a few minutes then I will introduce myself. In the first few minutes, if someone is willing to engage in conversation, I try to identify a topic that the person is really interested in discussing. If I discover that topic then I will start asking questions that will entice the person to talk at length. People love to talk about things that interest them, and they love it more when the listener seems interested in what they have to say. It is here that active listening skills are valuable. If you want to acquire this skill you should read up on it, take a course, or join a local Toastmasters club.
I don't know any magic ice-breaker lines because I don't need them - I know the basic skills in starting conversations. I hope that I've been helpful to you. Good luck!
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (30 May 2006):
 Conversation can be hard to start and believe me many people find it hard.
I used to be really bad at it but I have a job where I am often meeting new people and need to find ways to start the conversation.
Generally, I think it is always good to ask questions.
This makes you look interested, allows them to offer information or talk about things and can lead you into deeper conversation when you have things in common or agreement.
Ask him how his parents are, ask him to say hello to them for you, ask him how rodeo was, does he go very often, how long has he been doing it for, how did he get into it. etc.
If he is at school, ask him how school is, what classes he has this semester, does he do any after school activities etc.
Does he work part time, like a weekend job? Ask him about that - how often do you work there? do you like it? how did you get the job?
Do you know any other things his family are up to? Ie. I heard your family went overseas last summer holidays - where did you go, was it interesting, would you go back to that spot?
So basically it is about finding things about him and then asking questions so you can find out more about him and allow the conversation to get started that way.
Whilst these questions may seem a little boring, they allow him to talk about things and then give him the option of asking the same sort of questions back - "I have exams coming up at school in a few weeks, do you?" etc.
The best way to ask questions is to look at him in the eye and listen to his answers. Once he has answered, either answer his question if he asks one, comment on something he says (ie. "I'm terrible at maths too" or "I know someone who went to that school" etc) or ask a follow up question.
Good luck - I know it can be hard but the more you practise starting the conversation with people, the easier it will get.
...............................
|
