A
female
age
36-40,
*ellMeAnything
writes:My husband and I haven't been seeing eye to eye on things recently,which causes us to fuss heatedly. I recently met a man who I can talk to and vent with. We are attracted to each other. Is it wrong to Get his advice? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): no ifs or ands...but if she's not careful there will be some butts....
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 You already have more problems than you can handle and
he is going to add more to your problems .
By going to him , you have created a negative perceptions of yourself.People may not see the way you do about him.It would add more fuel to the rumour mill.
What if the shoe is on the other side? How do you see it ?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): You really need to speak with your husband about your marriage difficulties as there is no other way to resolve the issues between the two of you.
Asking a third party, albeit an attractive male, is just your excuse to resolve your problems by having an affair or asking for validation from someone that will find you attractive after being seduced by your stealth flirting signals. It is ESPECIALLY WRONG BECAUSE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER.
Keep it up buttercup and you can kiss life as you know it goodbye.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): i agree with my fellow aunts and uncles....you are courting disaster. mal
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I agree with Frank, just what is your motivation for discussing your personal marriage problems with this guy? Sounds most likely an excuse to hang out and get attention from someone you find very attractive. In these situations it is always a great idea to put the shoe on the other foot, how would you react if your husband was doing this to you?
...............................
A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Probably. It won't be a realistic advice...You are biased and he is biased what are the chances a good advices come out of this? :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): I think it is a dangerous thing to do, especially with someone that you are attracted to, is it just asking for trouble, as caring guy says, it could lead to an emotional or physical affair, that is just going to cause you more problems.
If you need someone to talk to a girl friend is a much better idea.
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 If you are in an open relationship, then go ahead and get his advice, and yes it is going to lead to sex. He is not listening to your problems because it is his job. He'd like to do you as much as you want him.
If you are in a monogamous relationship, then no do not get his advice. The first rule of monogamy is that you only have sex with one person. The second rule of monogamy is that you never do anything that would potentially threaten the first rule.
The time you are spending venting your problems to a man that you are attracted to is time you need to be spending working on your relationship with your husband. If you want a relationship coach, hire a professional one, and stop using this as an excuse to date a man you are attracted to.
-Frank Kermit
Author, Making Monogamy Work
http://www.franktalks.com
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010):
I think this one depends on whether you are talking to a friend who happens to be male & attractive, or if you are becoming friends with him partly just because he is male and attractive.
I think the question of whether or not you should be discussing private stuff with the 3rd party is a different issue. It might be a big violation or a pretty normal thing depending on the couple and the circumstances.
...............................
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I actually think it is very wrong. My husband talks to another woman about our relationship who he is quite fond of, but pretends otherwise, and it really hurts me. I think that men should talk to their male friends if they want to talk about things and women talk to their female friends. Telling personal things about your marriage to a man who you are attracted to is disrespectful to your relationship. I really wouldn't do it because knowing they talk about me upsets me so much that I would never do that to anyone else. Also if you are both attracted to each other it is highly unlikely that the advice would be impartial.
...............................
A
female
reader, babymonkey422 +, writes (10 March 2010):
 It's not really "wrong" to get advice from him since he is a friend to you it sounds like but if he's more than that in your eyes or his eyes then it's probably not a good idea since he's going to be biased. When you're having relationship problems you always want to make sure you talk to people who aren't biased and who don't automatically take your side because in the event that you are actually doing something wrong they won't tell you you know what I mean? And if you don't know how you're contributing to the issues how are you going to fix them? So just keep in mind that this guy might say that you're right, you don't deserve to be treated that way, he's a jerk, you deserve better, ect ect... Venting is fine but just be cautious of the advice you get from him. Do what YOU feel is right, not what people tell you.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 March 2010):
Yes, very much so. This will lead to an emotional affair, and a physical one. Then you'll have nothing. If you want advice, don't ask him. Ask someone who is totally neutral. Don't throw the marriage away.
...............................
|
