A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:To cut a long story short, my partner who I loved very much left me for another guy. This was 3 months ago. I have gotten over the jealousy and the feeling of sickness when I think about 'them' but I can't seem to shift the anger. I've tried to tell myself to let go and all that but when I think about her I still feel so angry. Im not an angry person normally at all. I've moved on in all other ways- I'm seeing a new girl now- nothing serious but i'm having to hide this anger away from her. There's no one I can really talk to about it and I don't particularly want to.I'm not even really sure what i'm angry about so its quite irrational. I'm over the 'fact' that she left me but not the resentment, if that makes sense. I dont know.Any help or suggestions would be good. Thanks.
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female
reader, unfaithful2071 +, writes (10 March 2010):
hello,
its never easy to forget the one you love. Its been 8 months since I've seen my ex and it still hurts when I think about it. I've tried to move on but the throught of him is alway there. So I know what your going thru..Evey song I hear remines me of him...Take one day at a time and enjoy being single and meet new people. The hurt will go way before you know it. This is what I tell myself everyday.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): 3 months isn't a long time .. not really long enough to fully get over someone you really loved! i'm in the same position and I can assure you that it does get easier .. but it's a sort of 'drip drip' effect and some days are better than others - just give yourself time and if you need an outlet for anger and resentment, maybe do some sport that you like, or talk to a counsellor or write stuff down just privately for yourself as the other poster suggested .. it does get easier over time (if I can get over my ex, then anyone can because I thought I would never ever start to feel better!!) - it's natural to feel angry that you gave someone so much love and they left you for someone else .. it might not work out with the new guy anyway as he could be a rebound but either way you don't really want to be with someone who can just leave you in such a cold way i presume?? it's not really irrational .. it's quite rational to feel things .. i'd be more worried if i didn't feel anything ... 'rationality and the emotions' is an interesting subject .. we can't logicise or raionalise emotions always .. it's natural to let all the stuff you feel about your ex and what happened, work itself out of your system properly .. i agree with the other poster and i'm sure you'll get some good answers on here .. good luck
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Try to communicate deeper with your feelings, is it not you felt the resentment because of your expectations?
Most often when a relationship fails, we feel the anger for we did not get what we want or where we want the relationship to be. The anger is not about why she left you,the anger is not about her or whenever you think about her it is about your expectations. Your expectations fail you and that made you feel so angry.
You will soon be free from your anger when you will learn to accept the truth, when you will stop resisting.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Your anger is not irrational and you are entitled to feel the way you do. Three months is really not a long time to grieve the loss of your relationship and your partner's betrayal, so don't feel like you should have gotten over it by now. Experiencing the anger so you can eventually release it is part of the process of moving forward.
You might want to try journaling to help get your feelings out. Even if you don't want to talk to someone about your resentment, you need an outlet for your emotions.
Hang in there. It does get better.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Don't be angry man. We all have the right to make our choices...and also we often pay the price for the choices we make if they are bad. I don't know you, but if you consider yourself as a nice guy then too bad for her that she left you and good for you that you are not with someone who doesn't know how to appreciate you. Does the other guy has more to offer of the things that are important to her? Maybe. But also maybe the things that are important to her in a man are shallow. Maybe. Whatever the case just wish her good luck, get up and leave with your head up and NEVER look back! Best wishes!
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Me too, just let yourself be angry bro, just like the jelousy, and rage, and hurt, and nausia, the anger will become less and less, then it will just eventually not be there anymore, your angry cause someone fucked with your heart, you have reason to be angry! just keep it in check and it will go away!
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (10 March 2010):
Mine left 8 months ago and that was after 30 years and I can assure there is nothing wrong with being angry. I gyrate between being up some days amd then angry and depressed the next.The punch line is that you my well feel a lot of emotions for some time. Likewise you may not be ready to move on yet. That is why we end up on the 'rebound' not over what happened and grasping at whatever we are offered? At least you have the advantage of age being with you unlike myself. Take some time to consdier what or you see the outcome. You will still be holding on to a thought that she may return and I guess you would like that to happen. However, after what has happened it may be impossible to re-establish trust .In conclusion I empathise with you and I know I must move just like yourself. You may not know it but there will be a lady you know who is close to you friend or work colleague that may well fit thr role of a g/f? Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010):
Hello,
This is residual anger.
Bear in mind that you have just been though an emotional roller coaster ride and it all happened three months ago. You don't mention how long you were with your partner for but you say you loved her very much. Betrayal like that from someone you cared and trusted so deeply is sure to leave you with feelings of hurt, anger and various other negative emotions.
Right now, you need to deal with your anger. The best way to do that is overtime you have a thought that makes you angry- switch it to a completely different and neutral thought. (positive thoughts might not work at the moment).
Identify what triggers these bouts of anger. Is it something you see? Is it something you hear? Perhaps you still have things belonging to your ex around the house which you see which reminds you of her and thus makes you angry? When you have identified your trigger, make sure you avoid it as much as possible. If you do get angry then switch the thought.
I hope this helps.
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