A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know that this is a pretty touchy subject for some people, so I'm hoping that my question doesn't upset anyone. I'm 23 and I have had sex with one person--my ex-boyfriend, who I dated for a year and broke up with a few months ago. Our sex life was okay, but I always felt kind of unfulfilled. Recently, I started reading about circumcision, and now I think that I would be happier in the future with an uncircumcised man. Is this an unfair preference to have for dating someone?I feel torn about this, because I know I wouldn't feel good if a man turned me down because of how I look "down there". So I feel bad having this preference for uncircumcised men, but I also don't want an unfulfilling sex life if I marry someone who is circumcised. I know this is far off in the future, since it will be a while until I have dated someone long enough to be intimate with them, or to even ask them about something like this. I live in the US, so circumcision is really common (at least 70% of guys my age). On the plus side, I'm moving out the Seattle area in a few months, and I know it is less common there.Sorry for the ramble, and if I offended anyone...but any insight into how I should approach this in the future would be greatly appreciated! I've been kind of worried about it lately.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): OP here--
Thank you everyone for you all your responses :) :)
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 October 2013):
 The only man who has made me orgasm from penetration was circumcized. There is zero difference in how it feels to a woman, zero, absolutely none. I promise. Your vagina is not sensitive at all. Past the first three inches you can only feel pressure/fullness. If a man can make a woman orgasm from his penis, it's from how he moves (the base of his penis, pubic mound, and indirect "tugging" and sensations like that), not from his foreskin or lack thereof. Sexual skill is based on a million things, but this is not one of them. Given how hard it is to find someone you are compatible with as is, I think placing that kind of limit would make it extremely hard to find a good match.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 October 2013):
 I don't believe in the hype that circumcised men have cleaner genitals.
I know in Europe, little boys are usually TAUGHT to clean themselves ( I have an older brother and plenty of boy cousins and friends) and I DO remember them getting these clean behind the skin speeches (specially on the beach).
I honestly think hygiene is not about the skin but the guy. Either he has been taught to clean himself or he hasn't.
As for the aesthetics - I think (sorry to offend the guys) all penis are ugly. Skin or no skin.
I wouldn't judge a guy on this, I would judge him on WHO he is as a person, lover and partner instead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): I would not take too much notice of the second site you provided a link to as it's based completely on people's personal opinions - the fact that it's split 50-50 gives you no indication either way to which is "better" Most of the women who argue for circumcision state that it "looks better" and "smells/tastes better" but they don't mention sexual satisfaction. (The men do but they're talking about their satisfaction and not the women's. I also wonder how most men can compare this as the majority of them will have been circumcised before they became sexually activeAs for the first site - it certainly looks for impressive and it references genuine pieces of research but it actually states that women report more satisfaction with INTACT men "Hara and O’Hara reported that women who had experienced coitus with both intact and circumcised men preferred intact partners by a ratio of 8.6 to one. Most women (85.5%) in that survey reported that they were more likely to experience orgasm with a genitally intact partner"I personally have had sex with both cut and uncut males and find that it makes no difference.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): I do not know the statistics.But I do know my personal experience.My husband makes me orgasm through penetration alone EVERY SINGLE TIME. Yes he is circumcised. He might (?) be less sensitive down there but as a result, he lasts longer and we both build up to a mutual climax. And they say it only happens in movies...Prior to this I have had multiple partners going into the double digits. Only two other men before my husband made me climax. One of them was well endowed and the other one was definitely on the small side. So it's not about the size and it's definitely not about whether it's circumcised or not. There is a lot more to it than that.Keep an open mind, you might be pleasantly surprised :-)Yours,satisfied wife of a circumcised man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): I think you are reading far to much!! What a man's penis if like has no impact on how they are in bed.
Not if you say you think it is ugly then okay I can understand that (I personally don't like the look) but to say that it cakes down to how the sex is, is a little unfair to the man.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 October 2013):
 Your question has been answered very well. I just wanted to say that I am impressed with your statement that it will be far off in the future before you have dated a guy long enough to be ready to be intimate. I see so many young people rushing to the bedroom without developing a proper relationship of trust first. Good for you!
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): I'm in multicultural city in UK. I've had relationships with both circumcised and uncircumcised men and I haven't noticed a difference at all. It really hasn't made the slightest difference. Of course it looks different but it doesn't feel different for the woman.
If someone's a bad lover it's either lack of experience or laziness (or both) PLUS poor communication issues. A man with foreskin would not necessarily make a better lover.
What did you read about circumcision?
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A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (8 October 2013):
 Wow is all I can say. It seems as if other responders gave you a good thrashing! While I may agree with parts of their statements I tend to approach it in a different way. I am an uncircumcised man. We make love no differently then circumcised men. I am truly sorry you had the bad experience. On the plus side if the penis was reversed you would hate uncircumcised men for life. Let me just say some men are not very good lovers. A man doesn’t have to make a woman cum every time they have sex but she needs to know that she was/is the most important person in the world to him and realizes that what she is doing to him is out of caring for him, deep intimate caring. Its not like shaking hands, he did not make you feel like you we giving yourself to him because you want to pleasure him, emotionally and physically. I think you just got a really bad one that soured you. As for if he was NOT circumcised he could have been great in bed but have bad hygiene and stink down there. So in a way I’m glad he didn’t turn you off to uncut men. Now as for uncut/uncircumcised men, many of us like special treatment in that area. Some like their foreskin played with, pulled back. Nibbled on, bitten and/or squeezed. There are a lot of things that can be done with the uncut male that cannot be done with a circumcised male. The biggest difference is the sensitivity, uncut is far more sensitive. I have never meet a woman who didn’t enjoy my being uncut. I am clean and stay that way. Maybe they were being nice, I do not care, they acted like they enjoyed it. As for European woman, having been to Spain, Italy, Israel, Turkey, and others their first response to me was “oh your not” when the saw my penis. Just like in the US they have their preference. I imagine a lot of their reason for preferring circumcised men is the cleanliness issue. I have been told by these same women that most men “stink down there”, I guess when you have hundreds of thousands of uncut men many aren’t clean minded. The few here in the US that are dirty give all uncut men a bad rap. I have been told that I was a lot more fun to have sex with because of that extra skin. I would never lose it. NEVER EVER get to the point where you tell yourself that you cannot love a man because he is circumcised. I have read many articles here from woman saying that they would never date, suck or marry an uncut man—“their gross” is the most common reason. I do hope if you find an uncut man he is adamant about hygiene. If you have ANY doubt about it, sexually take a shower together or bring in a nice warm wash rag and just say “I always wash my food before I eat it”-he won’t protest. Good luck finding what your looking for (uncut man) and I hope you enjoy it as much as you think you really want to. I’m proud to be natural and don’t agree with people that say in the back of there minds think cut it off-somebody messed up when they made that thing. We don’t alter woman when there born, we don’t circumcise them (yes woman do have a foreskin—it cover the clitoris). Find an uncut man and have fun!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 October 2013):
Everyone has their preferences, but I have to say, would it really cause you to dump a great guy? I don't know about the sexual pros and cons, but I'm sure there are uncircumcised guys who would leave you unsatisfied in bed.
By the way I live in Seattle and every guy I know is circumcised (at least when it's come up). However, there are a lot of immigrants here, so I wouldn't be surprised if many of them were uncircumcised.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): OP here...
Okay, I get that I sound ridiculous. However, I don't think I'm making this up. I have read different studies, like this one: http://www.drmomma.org/2009/10/effects-of-male-circumcision-on-female.html
And they almost all agree that women are more likely to orgasm from, and more likely to prefer, men with an intact penis.
There's also this site:
http://www.debate.org/opinions/do-females-prefer-males-who-have-circumcised-penises
Which says that 50% of women prefer circumcised (mostly because it's "cleaner" and "looks better") while 50% prefer uncircumcised (mostly because it "feels better" and "is more sensitive").
Of course men can have a preference for big boobs, and I wouldn't tell them they're wrong. I don't think boobs are exactly analogous to a penis though...one is more an aesthetic thing, the other is an actual performance thing. Unless a guy is really into having sex with a woman's boobs, in which case I'm sure he would disagree with me.
Thanks for the wake-up call though, I do think my ex was a bit selfish in bed and didn't really care about what I wanted (even though I tried to tell him probably 30 times). So maybe I'm worrying about this for no reason at all.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (8 October 2013):
 Sorry to be a bit harsh but I think there are more important things in life to worry about and you need to get a grip!
Ok so I'm going to presume your ex was circumcised, and you are blaming him being bad in bed on his circumcision. Right? And you've never had sex with an un-circumcised man, you've just read about it? Correct?
This has to be one of the most far-fetched posts I've seen in my 5 years on Dear Cupid! A man's performance in bed has nothing to do with the amount of skin on his penis - whatever you have read is utter RUBBISH.
Sexual compatibility is based on a number of factors, like how physically attracted you are to each other, your characters (are you both passionate people, are you both shy retiring people, are you a mis-matched couple where one is super passionate and the other is not very confident etc), your libido's (how often you want sex and how much importance you both place on sex in a relationship), how emotionally connected you are to each other, how comfortable you feel around each other, your own body confidence, your ability to communicate your sexual needs and desires.....the list could go on and on.
Now I am in the UK and circumcision is not common over here, so I have not had experience in sleeping with a circumcised man. However I have had experience of sleeping with uncircumcised men and I can tell you this - plenty of them are terrible in bed and will leave you feeling unfulfilled!
So dont judge a man just by the amount of skin on his penis - when you truly love someone and are truly sexually compatible you will be able to talk about the things you enjoy in the bedroom and will be able to resolve any issues that you might have sexually. You've never had sex with an uncircumcised man and you are going off some daft article you've read online, you are not using real life experience to form this opinion. I've had sex with uncircumcised men and some are rubbish in bed, so if you ignore all circumcised men in the hope that an uncircumcised man is going to rock your world in the bedroom you will be sadly disappointed.
Stop worrying about such trivial matters, when you meet a guy and fall for him his penis should be the last thing you are worrying about - when the relationship is right then the sex will be right as well, and if there are little things that could be improved then you have to learn to communicate in order to get what you want in the bedroom.
All women are different, just like all men are different, we all have different sexual preferences and like different things in the bedroom. No guy is going to have it programmed into his head exactly what you like in the bedroom, so you have to learn to be open about sex, experiment together and learn what each other likes.
Please put this idea of an uncircumcised man to the back of your mind, this really is pretty daft and not something you should be focusing on. The right man will be the right man, regardless of his penis.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 October 2013):
Uncircumcised doesn't mean an unfulfilling sex life.
You just had a bad lover and he HAPPENED to be circumcised.
I know circumcision is a big thing in the States (frankly coming from Europe, I don't get it, there is absolutely no point (except for religious reasons) to do it.)
I would NOT turn down a guy because he's circumcised though. And you would be (I presume) dating a guy a while before having sex, so would you ask him on the first date:" Are you circumcised?".
However, there are guys out there who will only date women with big boobs so why you can't want to date uncircumcised men, I don't see a problem, I just think you are shooting yourself in the foot by making THAT thing the most important for you in a man.
After all, you barely have any experience. The only guy you were with sucked and you were inexperienced yourself, so sex wasn't great. It is not uncommon that the first sexual partner isn't the best.
I have been with both uncircumcised men (3) and one circumcised (1) and I could not tell the difference AT ALL.
I'm curious, Do you think women with bigger boobs are better in bed too?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): " . . .now I think that I would be happier in the future with an uncircumcised man. Is this an unfair preference to have for dating someone?"As a circumcised male who grew up among mostly intact peers and so has always known exactly what I am missing, I can tell you that yours is a very valid preference.As much as American men want to deny it, circumcision reduces sensitivity of the head of the penis by depriving it of the protection that nature intended and the loss of pliable foreskin leaves cut men with less "moves" in their repertoire. Basic anatomy and physiology dictates that a circumcised male can't do the same with less than an intact male. Due to my having grown up in an alien colony (an otherwise intact neighborhood) I knew that as a four-year-old but most circumcised American guys refuse to believe it because they grew up never seeing the workings of a foreskin so they literally don't know what they're missing.
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