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Is it wrong not to tell someone you plan to sleep with?

Tagged as: Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 June 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 22 June 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

how wrong is it to not tell someone you're going to sleep with that you have genital warts? i mean is it that big of a deal?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (22 June 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntHi there! You just gave 36 women cervical cancer!

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Shocking, isn't it? How did that answer strike you? Well, consider this: you have sex with someone, don't tell them you have HPV (Human Papilloma Virus, some associated with cervical cancer). He gets HPV, doesn't know, goes off, has sex with another girl or two, they don't know, they go off and pass that HPV on to even more people. Here you are, you've started a mini-epidemic just because you don't want to tell someone that they risk an infection.

So, yeah, it's a big deal. It's irresponsible and cowardly not to tell them and you are going to have to figure out how to tell them. Here's some resources for you: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/stds-hiv-safer-sex/hpv-4272.htm

http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/hpv-symptoms-tests

http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/tc/safe-sex-topic-overview

Sorry you have them, but it's not the end of the world, provided you monitor your own health through PAP smears and you notify your sex partners of their risk. They're entitled NOT to have sex with you if they don't want to take the risk.

Take care.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2010):

It's so serious that if you don't tell someone and you know you have an STD, you can be jailed and sued if they get it. You need to tell that person if you're sleeping with them. Herpes is very contagious, and you need to tell someone if you plan to sleep them. There will be some who won't take it any further with you. But there will be some who will. But they need to know, or you could hurt someone very much and get arrested.

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A female reader, Myrrh United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2010):

Myrrh agony auntHello. Im sorry to hear you have HPV. But yes it is a big deal not to tell someone you have it. HPV is a highly infectious sexually transmitted virus. Without protection there is over a 60% chance of you passing it on. Even if you dont have any symptoms at the moment. And even with condoms theres still a slight risk of exposing a partner to it if you arent very careful. It can be passed on via vaginal, anal and oral sex. So you really do have to tell him before any sexual activities start. I can understand how difficult you might find it to bring up the subject. But its better to be judged for being honest and thinking of him first. Rather than be judged for knowingly giving someone a STD. Im sure if he really likes you it wont be an issue. Infact he could admire you for putting his health before your own feelings. Theres a lot of dignity in that. Its something a really decent person would do....Some one dear to me has it. He caught it from his ex girlfriend. She knew she had it but she was too embarrassed to tell him. He said he would still have gone out with her if she had been up front from the get go. But he couldnt accept she had knowingly infected him just to save herself a little embarrassment. So he ended things. He told the next girl he met that he had the virus. She was ok about it. You just need to be brave and talk to this guy. If hes a good un, he will understand and all will be well. But should he decide not to have sex, you have to respect that it is his choice. All the best x

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A female reader, busy04 United States +, writes (22 June 2010):

busy04 agony auntIs is that big of a deal?

How immature to even think that way. No one wants to be given any type of STD or Virus of any kind. And it's completely unfair to even consider putting someone in the position of not being able to protect themselves.

It's one thing NOT to know you have it...but to purposely know you HAVE SOMETHING and deliberately sleep with someone is EVIL BEYOND WORDS.

There are serious & dangerous consequences for doing things like that.

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A female reader, baybee-x-sparkii United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2010):

baybee-x-sparkii agony auntOh and to add another point I add to this equation

( even though its english it raises a very good point)

http://www.ask.com/bar?q=R+v+Dica&page=1&qsrc=121&dm=all&ab=4&u=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FCriminal_transmission_of_HIV&sg=%2FjY3N%2BEuy76epaWD3Y5MbBKVcWNkZqhaAAlJLAbv6tk%3D&tsp=1277192026431

SB :) x

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (22 June 2010):

CindyCares agony auntExcuse me darling ,but... are you- temporarily I hope- out of your mind ? Genital warts are highly infectious, and yes, it is a very big deal . A humongtous deal !

Nobody would blame you for having unknowingly being infected, but knowingly passing on an STD is all another story .

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A female reader, baybee-x-sparkii United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2010):

baybee-x-sparkii agony auntHey sweetie,

If there is a risk of passing them on then YES its A VERY BIG DEAL. Things like that should be discussed definetely at risk of passing it on.

SB :) x

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