A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been together for almost two and a half years. We met online and after we met in person and dated for a while, I moved in with him where he lived (he lived in Louisiana and I lived in Arizona)but we decided it would be a nice change (and so I could finish school where I had originally planned) to move to Arizona. Well we recently visited his parents in Louisiana and the whole time we were there he was extremely distant, would snap at me, and just straight up didn't really act like he wanted to be around me. Before that we hadn't really had any troubles...well, I confronted him about it and just wanted to know what was going on. Apparently I didn't pick my words well enough and he proceeded to spend an hour and a half putting me down (calling me a bitch, selfish, inconsiderate, piece of shit, etc.). Normally, I would have walked away but we were staying at his parents house and I didn't want to wake anyone up (it was about midnight). I was crying and was told "you're so pathetic that you have to cry?" and I just didn't understand why he was being that way. We get into our fair share of fights but he's honestly never been this mean and its continued to stay bad even after we supposedly "made up". I'm really questioning my relationship right now...Any advice?
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male
reader, hummm +, writes (17 August 2012):
Why do people put people down something that is UNDERSTOOD in other words when one person has to put down another it is something called lack of self worth!! I am a male I am well versed and I have had my share of relationships. I have been cheated on and left and used and at one time I really felt wow what the heck what am I doing wrong..It was not me it was the ones I choose to be with My ex wives yes wives all said I was too nice ?? to nice they left me for guys who verbally and physically abused them so am I to believe that is what they wanted ??no it was they wanted some "Bad Boy" but not in the sense of abuse but more in the sense of daring, challenge , adventure etc... So in your situation I say what are you looking for I mean you met online you meet his family and the abuse starts ..yes abuse. Leave the guy is my suggestion look at yourself and see what you really want ..Hope this helps good luck and beleave in the most important person in the world YOU!!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Why are you even engaged to this guy? Is this the man you see yourself with in the future? (and if you say yes, to that - I mean THIS guy with THIS behavior, because he will NOT become a nicer guy or a better human being because you said your vows.)
Time to cut your loses, honey.
You really SHOULD question your relationship right now. Actually I think you should consider ended it.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (16 August 2012):
 Don't try to reason or rationalize his behavior away. There is no excuse for this type of abuse. And that is exactly what it is: ABUSE. I would suggest leaving him as soon as you can get your bags packed and arrangements made. There is nothing you should try to understand. He was abusive towards you and it is no different than smacking you across the face or physically abusing you in some other way. I agree with Denise...leave now or you can expect more of this. There is no excuse for this type of behavior.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (16 August 2012):
 There is no excuse for this type of behavior. I'm curious, when you "made up" did he apologize for his behavior, or did he just make you feel so stupid that you were the one who broke down and apologized? I'm betting that you were the one who did all the apologizing, and he doesn't think his behavior was out of line. I'd also be willing to bet that this isn't the first time he's acted like this, nor will it be the last.
This type of behavior doesn't usually appear out of nowhere, this is part of his personality, and it isn't going to magically disappear once you're married. Keep in mind, that the best you're ever going to be treated, is when you're dating. If there are serious issues during the dating relationship, those aren't going to get better with marriage, if anything, they're going to get worse.
It's time to send this man packing back to Louisiana. Life is just too short to have to put up with this kind of behavior. You existed just fine before you met him, and you will continue to exist after he is out of your life.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (16 August 2012):
 Your fiance's behavior was totally out of line and inexcusable.
I don't care one jot whether he might have been under stress because he was at his parents' home with you (as chigirl thought it might be due to). He had absolutely NO RIGHT to berate and insult you the way he did.
Yes, we all get irritated if not angry at times, but things are still bad after you both have returned home.
Make no mistake: his actions are a HUGE RED FLAG. If you remain with him you can expect more of this as time goes on.
My recommendation is you DUMP his sorry self very soon! you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 August 2012):
 Could it have something to do with you being at his parents? It doesn't excuse his behaviour, but it could help explain it. If he's got a bad relationship with his parents, or bad feelings attached to that house/area it could be he is particularly stressed and emotionally in a turmoil when visiting his parents. Meaning small things get blown out of proportion.
I suggest that when you get home in your one space you make it perfectly clear that this behaviour is not tolerated. Next time, even if you are at his parents house, just walk out. Take a cab home, or go to a hotel. Or just leave, go for a walk, or maybe sleep on the couch. You don't have to take it just because you're visiting someone else. He's the one who should keep it cool and not want to disturb anyone, instead you are the one who's trying to cover it up for him. It'll be his problem if he causes a fight that alarms his parents, not yours.
That said, I had an agressive boyfriend who I visited when he lived with his parents. He was 20 at the time. He got angry with me, and started chasing me around the room. He blocked the door so I couldn't leave and tried to pin me down. I panicked, but his parents didn't do a bloody thing, even though they heard me scream.
So when it comes to parents... Don't give a crap, because it's not sure that they care about you. His parents didn't care about my well being, or the fact that their son was chasing me around the room. So I'm just saying, no need to be "careful" around parents. If their son is an idiot then they probably are already AWARE of it, and choose to ignore it.
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