A
female
age
41-50,
*orn2love
writes:I have been seeing this guy for a little over 2 months now. When we first began seeing each other, it was already understood about his standpoint with God. His faith is strong and he furthers his relationship with Him everyday. I respect that. Actually, it's one of the characteristics I respect and love about him the most. But, we had a talk last night about pre-marital sex...We have been having sex pretty much since we began seeing each other and he now feels that he has allowed himself to fall short of his relationship with God; he feels conviction about it and feels that we should continue our relationship without sex. I am a firm believer in God and following his path, I'm just not as far into it as he is. I would like to be closer to God and I know that having a relationship with a guy who is close to Him and/or is trying to get close to Him would be one of the best potential mates for me. It's just a a hard pill for me to swallow because since our relationship is so young and new (2 months), I'm not sure if it would be best to continue our relationship, without sex, or just break things off now. I really respect his decision and anyone else who would make such a big decision like this. My question is: Would it be worth it to try to make this work non-sexually, considering how short of a time we've been seeing each other?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): It's called abstinence.I personally believe this way as well.
This is more about you. Can you go without sex?Do you want him setting the standards for you since you are together.I would be asking myself is this guy going to flip flop in other ares.Walking in faith is an ongoing process.If seeing him fall short lowers his status and lessens your attraction let him go.
For a guy to go without sex that's a big sacrifice.We think about it all the time.That tells me he's focused on getting to know you as a person.
I'm guessing you are not opposed to God but really don't want to go crazy about it.
I hear women complain about men "all they want is sex" then when you get a guy that doesn't act they way you consider dumping him. Go figure
A
female
reader, old-spinstah  +, writes (16 December 2009):
It might be - you can only try it for a while and see how you go. If you are in love with him and feel that your relationship is a committed one, it may well be worth it. If you just consider the relationship as fun and short term, you'll probably just get bored and frustrated unless you have a lot of other activities in common
However I do agree with beingblack, that it is a little odd that he decides to do this now. Religion isn't something that you should choose to follow just when it suits you - although your boyfriend has the right to return more strongly to his faith if he choses.
If you really like the guy and you have lots of non-sexual fun with him - I say it's worth a try.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (16 December 2009):
 I have some doubts.
This man has already had sex with you, despite the fact that he claims that he leans towards God above all else. The pattern of your relationship had already been set.
To turn around now, two months later, and say 'no more sex' is kind of like bolting the stable door after the horse has long galloped into the sunset.
I have immense respect for the faith. But I am not sure if anyone can, or should, apply their faith on and off when it suits. If you have a set of principals, shouldn't you live by them every day? If the temptation of you was too much to resist, how strong is this man's faith?
I have a nagging doubt about this guy. I could be way off the mark, but I think there is far more to his decision. If you want to take the chance, go for it, and remain celibate until you marry him.
But remember, its only been 60 days or so that you've known him. In that time, he has enjoyed your body and then declared he would like to stop, to regain his place in God's good books.
Sex in a relationship seems important to you.
So, I have some doubts.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 December 2009):
Hmm, well the big question is, do you think this guy could be the one you marry and stick with for the rest of your life?
If the answer is "maybe", then stick with it, see what happens.
If the answer is "He's lovely but I don't see it happening." then end it now and stick to being friends.
Everyone who get married was at the 2 month stage at some point.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Well, I really think that if you like him and he likes you and you respect and love his faith - I think maybe you should try to make it work. It seems like you really like this guy, and if you can see a future with him, I would keep it going. It will REALLY show your commitment to this relationship if you're even willing to try to go sexless.
Besides, there are lots of fun things to do that don't involve penetration, and maybe you'll kind of enjoy the added exploration, invention and anticipation.
I would give it a try and not be premature about breaking things off.
Good luck, sweetness!
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